That's the end of that, then

[GitAwfMayLend]

Me and DP have been teetering on the brink for a good year now. Have tried and tried but it hasn't worked (for loads of dull reasons, have rambled on on threads about it on MN before).

DD went away on Friday, we haven't really spoken since. We were invited to a Jubilee party at the weekend, we didn't go in the end. Couldn't bear the pretence that we are happy amongst his family (all of whom are happy).

I am sleeping in DD's room. We have just had a conversation and decided that we can't go on like this. So that's it. I am going to move out.

Not excellent timing as DD is in middle of GCSEs, so will wait until those are over I think before telling her, which will give me time to plan and for us to sort finances out.

I feel like shit, but not as bad as Ithought. Am fine but have pangs every so often when I remember.

One thing - I will NEVER believe it again. Never. We really did love each other and look what it has turned into. Never, ever, ever again.

Just a ramble on, no need to respond.

Getawf I can relate to how you feel.

I'm moving out of our marital home in the next few weeks, we have been together for 10 years but luckily no children.

I know it's for the best but I am so incredibly sad about it all, it's like saying goodbye to a very old friend and of course the thought of an unknown future is so scary but we haven't been happy for a while and If I want things to change then I have to make those changes myself.

As a child of divorced parents be reassured that all your DD will want is for you both to be happy.

Another thing we have said is that this isn't neccesarily the end we may live apart and find that actually we do want to be together but right now we are just too close to all the hurt and pain to see clearly.

Be gentle with yourself, we made the decision a few weeks ago and for me I find talking about it as much as possible with friends and family really helps not just to sort things out in my head but to get a different perspective.

Sorry to hear this GetOrf

Sending (((hugs))) and your way

No, just the one dd (she is 16)

What is really making me bawl is the thought that after being friends for so long and thinking about each other all the time, in the near future it will all fade and I won't think of him as much, and he will be a vague memory. I know it sounds all childish and stupid but where did all that love go and what was the point? It doesn't matter how good it used to be, it is not worth it for how horrible the ending is.

So sorry you're going through the same thing rude.

No, just the one dd (she is 16)

What is really making me bawl is the thought that after being friends for so long and thinking about each other all the time, in the near future it will all fade and I won't think of him as much, and he will be a vague memory. I know it sounds all childish and stupid but where did all that love go and what was the point? It doesn't matter how good it used to be, it is not worth it for how horrible the ending is.

So sorry you're going through the same thing rude.

Its like a bereavement I think getawf Grieving for what you have lost and can never have back. Give yourself time x

Sorry to hear about how you are feeling - but at the same time well done for taking action to get your life back on track.

You deserve to be happy.

I stayed in a dead duck of a relationship about five years too long, but it was still an utter wrench when push came to shove. I remember walking away from his new place with my shoulders absolutely heaving with sobbing.

But it does get better.

I seem to remember (not a stalker, honest!) that on a previous thread you said that your DD had said to you 'Mum, he treats you like shit' (or similar). You are setting a good example for her - that yes it's bloody hard, and painful, but you don't deserve to be treated like that.

Would DD be up for going somewhere else for sixth form?? Then you could properly move. Fresh start and all that.

I can relate to what you are saying so much , it sounds as if you are allowing yourself to think about everything and get really upset which is absolutely the right thing to do. Dont shut off, this is all aprt of letting out the awful gut wrenching pain and starting the long process of understanding what has happened

I think I'm a bit further down the road than you, I have put off moving out as it made it too real, I only told my best friend over the weekend as again the more people I tell the more real it becomes but she gave me great advice and I'm ready to go now. Although like you it hurts me when I think that in future he will only be a memory but I think that's just being afraid to let go of the familiar and walk a path less trodden.

PM me if you want to chat.

Best of luck for the future. Those happy times, all the memories, maybe they mean you can be good friends one day, but just weren't made to live together as a couple?

Its strange I would expect you both to be longing for the time when your exs are memories so maybe it will make you feel better to hear my xh still occupies a lot of my headspace two and a half years on. For me I will be glad when he is a distant memory because one way or another he has been such a dominant part of my life for a decade and its time he wasnt

where did all that love go and what was the point? It doesn't matter how good it used to be, it is not worth it for how horrible the ending is.

This. A thousand times this. I think DP and I are breaking up and yesterday when I was crying in the shower (hackneyed? moi?!) I was thinking that I should make myself a massive fucking poster that just says REMEMBER HOW MUCH IT HURTS! Or DON'T DO IT, IT AIN'T WORF IT! or something.

You poor soul, wouldn't wish this on Cameron...

Be kind to yourself, you are very brave and doing the right thing.

I am sorry that you are going through it as well hopkinette. It's an absolute sack of shit.

He has just gone out so we are not tip toeing round each other. He has been crying. That makes me feel 1000 times worse.

I am going to go to the cinema, fuck knows what is on, I fancy watching a terrifying horror film.

I just had the shakes - had to sit down on the stairs and felt all panicky. Might have something to do with the endless coffee I have had today.

Thank you again everyone, it is good to write stuff down on here.

Och, poor you, sounds hard. Sometimes it's even harder when you don't hate each other's guts.

Your daughter will be fine and so will you x

Not seen any of your threads on your relationship, but really enjoy your posts on more frivolous topics, and am v sorry to hear you're so unhappy at the moment. Just take care of yourself, maybe lay off the coffee!

There will be better times ahead for you.

I'm so sorry, GetOrf. I know things haven't been great for you for a while.

But as you're both so sad, is it absolutely, definitely over? Would it be worth you having some counselling? If nothing, it might help you both reach 'closure' ?

I wish it were possible to make people better by thinking good, lovely thoughts about them

Oi, don't forget to eat. Something that's a treat but also contains vegetables :o

Strawberries! Or cherries. While watching mindless trash on dvd.

I'm sorry :(

He absolutely refuses to go to counselling, sadly. He won't talk about anything. Just says 'we will change, we will change' and we never, ever do.

I just made the mistake of watching The Apartment which has made me feel sad and wish I could have met jack Lemmon in the 60s. Gah.

I didn't go out in the end. I didn't even get dressed! Thank god I am back to work tomorrow, and roll on to Saturday when dd gets home and some normaility returns.

Thank you all again. It is helpful to come on here and ramble on. I feel slightly otherworldly.

He absolutely refuses to go to counselling, sadly. He won't talk about anything. Just says 'we will change, we will change' and we never, ever do.

I just made the mistake of watching The Apartment which has made me feel sad and wish I could have met jack Lemmon in the 60s. Gah.

I didn't go out in the end. I didn't even get dressed! Thank god I am back to work tomorrow, and roll on to Saturday when dd gets home and some normaility returns.

Thank you all again. It is helpful to come on here and ramble on. I feel slightly otherworldly.

I find days like that often are, when you don't get dressed and don't really 'do' anything. Just look after yourself.
BTW, I have just realised what your name change refers to - had to read it out loud :)

Aww GetOrf, sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I love your posts - you usually make me laugh so much. I've obviously missed the threads where you have mentioned about issues in the past and I'm sorry you're going through this.

Take care and come back if you need to talk some more.

Can we all come and (try to) cheer you up?