Hi, this is long and complicated - apologies in advance.
I've previously posted on here about issues with DSS and DH's guilt issues meaning that every spare minute outside of work is spent with DSS, hence no quality time to ourselves as newlyweds. We are working thru this and have arranged to change DSS timings as DH agreed they were pretty unsustainable.
So far so good...
The problem I have is that since marrying last August, DH and I have had an amazing time, but he just doesn't seem to 'need' me as much as he used to, mostly in a physical sense, for instance he'll get really grumpy if I just lean across and kiss him if I don't manage to time it right with whatever's on tv! He is pretty stressed with his job which may explain some of it.
To add to this, we both work in the same place, along with an old flame of mine. I met the other man about 13 years ago and there was instantly a chemistry there, but we never really did much about it because he's 11 yrs older than me and I just assumed it'd never work. We did have a few snogs/semi-dates over a 5 year period but I always felt like he really wasn't interested in me for anything more so I didn't bother keeping in touch when our jobs took us apart.
Fast-forward to five years ago, and our jobs brought us back together again. He was married and I was with DH but not married yet. We are great friends and DH gets on really well with him too. I started to get a bit suspicious when this friend made a move on me a couple of months before my wedding - I was surprised but put it down to him being a bit bored in his marriage. We agreed to put it behind us and stay friends.
Anyway, out of the blue, 2 months ago he announces he's handed in his resignation at work and is taking a sideways move to somewhere else - very odd. Last week, he told me that the reason he is leaving is me (!) as apparently there's a huge physical attraction there and he feels that he can't carry on with his marriage with the feelings he has when he sees me every day. I am gutted - because he is my best friend, because I feel that I don't know where I stand with him any more, because he won't talk it through with me, gutted for lots of reasons.
But mostly I'm gutted because I feel like we missed our chance - we could've had something great together. We both said we thought it wouldn't have worked, then admitted we said it because we thought it'd make the other person feel better! I know that him leaving is hopefully going to help with this and although I'm sad, it's got to be done.
I just want to work on my marriage as I know that DH is the one for me - whatever did or didn't happen in the past is done and I just want to build a happy life with my husband. I've suggested date nights, mini breaks etc but he's not interested. And this makes me angry as I need to feel happy in my current relationship to get over this other man. Knowing that the other man feels the same has made it a hundred times worse. What can I do to bring back the 'spark' I used to have with my husband? I feel like I've made the choice to be with him but am not getting much back; I just need him to make me happy right now.
Sorry for rambling :( please help!