Just been called a bad parent and negligent

[Tweet2tweet]

Hi there
I'll keep this short and to the point. I was playing with DD in cot, she's just started standing on her own. Anyway- she lost her grip on side of cot and hit of the top/side of it- I was hovering over her but it was just so quick. I picked her up straight away and hugged/kissed her. I feel really terrible,just wasn't quick enough.
Her lip was bleeding a little bit and I think she has a bruise on her cheek. She was really crying but stopped after a few minutes after I hugged her and read her a book.
Dh was in the room and he went into a real rant, telling me I'm a useless, bad mother and negligent. He said he no longer trusts me with dd and when I tried to say I was very upset, he told me to be more humble and accept what a bad parent I am.
I do everything for my dd. I'm working FT, rush home to be with her, spend all my time with her, do all the cooking/laundry/driving/cleaning and feel so betrayed and upset by what he has said. He just seems so quick to criticise me.
In the last couple of weeks I've been dumped on by family, friends and even at work they are taking the p**s out of me.
Anyone else ever experienced this type of thing? How do you stop feeling isolated, worthless and lonely?
Thanks for reading.

What they all said.

And anyway, even if some degree of negligence had been involved (hello DP, stop fiddling with that effing phone), any resultant harm to your wee one is punishment enough.

How could any censure from an adult possibly get to you more than the sight of your hurt child? It's not about him.

What everyone else said. And - it's easy for him to be a perfect parent when he's not actually doing any parenting, isn't it? A bit like one of those childless people who tell you their children would never have a tantrum in the supermarket (I'm looking at you four years ago, DH!)

only this morning i was busy on mn and only just caught my dd3 going over the side of the bed- wooden floors.

ive had to run quick, but not disturbingly so to get some scissors out of ds's mouth. and the most awful embarrassing was when i was on a really long bus ride and had took dd1 out of her pram. on alighting from the bus, she went thud into the pavement, cos i had forgotten to strap her in.

the bus was packed- and god did she scream. after picking her up, the bus pulled away and every face on that bus was looking at me holding a screaming dd1.

that was definately my fault. yours sounds like an accident.

i think my stock response to my dp, if he said that to me, would be- fuck off.

the fact that you are on here justifying yourself ( you really dont need to) speaks volumes. you need to believe that you are a good parent and you dont need other people's validation. sod um.

just thought of another one.

1st hol with dp and dd1, dp was asleep on the sun lounger and me and dd1 were sat on poolside with our legs dangling in the water. she was an inch away from me and i was blowing up her arm bands.

suddenly, i heard 'she's in the water'
i looked around and dd1 was under the water. i flung myself in and dragged her up, the woman who shouted was trying to pull her out of the water. dd1 was spluttering and crying, i was sobbing and dp slept on.

i said to the woman ' i never heard her' and the woman said 'she never made a sound'

how bad is that? thats how easily accidents can happen.

Agree with the abuse suggestions, he is not a good father or partner to be around. Please seriously consider leaving, these things don't magically get better.

He is deffinitly a twat, sorry to be so blunt about it but he is. My dd2 is 3 and she has a tendency to fall/bump into things, I think it's due to the fact that she's so tall and has long legs so is always falling over them..
Anyway, my dp's family always used to call me up on it and try to say I was a bad mum for not preventing this, up until my dp realised what they were doing and gave them a bit of a bollocking.
My point is that these things happen, u are a good mum and anyone who says otherwise should be told to shove off!

He's sexist bastard OP and I'd "humbly" tell him where to stick his nasty comments I'd also "humbly" tell him to start sharing household chores with immediate effect.

I just wanted to add this on. I've not read the other posts, but my 8mo DD has been dropped on her head once a week since she was born, (little exaggeration) but it happens!

Tweet2Tweet. Hope you are still reading. don't panic, stay with us

He's being a twat.

Accidents happen. I'm sure one day he'll be there when your dc has one.

I've been there whilst dd got her leg stuck between the bars of the cot bed aged about 18 months... She screamed her head off, I have no idea how it happened it was all so fast to be honest, and I spent the next 5 minutes rubbing cooking oil all over her leg like a leg of turkey to lubricate it enough to push it back through the bars - she was (luckily) fine. But it could have been nasty.

She's since lived another 8 years or so, growing into a happy well adjusted lively child.

Don't beat yourself up about it, or let him mentally beat you for it.

Accidents do happen - especially with children!

Tweet he is being an utter knob! My DP used to think that i was clumsy with DD because she always hurt herself when she was with me, reality was that she was with me 99% of the time so ofcourse all her accidents happened on my watch. If he had spent as much time with her as i had, they would have happened on his watch.
I accidently dropped DD when she was 4months old, and we ended up having to go to hospital (she was fine, it was more of a precaution) and my DP never once said i was neglectful etc. because he could see that i was so shaken up by the whole thing. It still makes me feel sick now.
Your DP is being completely unfair.

Thank you so much everyone- I'm overwhelmed at how much support and kind words you have all sent. I can't tell you how much this means to me.
I took a lot of your advice and stood my ground, we didn't speak all night as I said I had to get an apology.
By the next afternoon got one. However I think there's still a lot to work on.

I am just going to try and ignore this type of comment in the future, think it would help if I knew more mums to talk things over with!

Also, to make you feel even better, my dad of 55 years old who has raised two children, let my DD fall off the settee and bang her head & he is probably the most responsible person i know!

I think the matter of children having minor bumps and accidents is beside the point here. In 99% of families it's accepted that kids will be kids, and you take the best precautions you can in order to be sensible but still have a life.

The major issue here is tweet's h's attitude more generally, e.g. insisting she be "more humble," or admit how bad her perceived crimes are before he'll forgive her and resume business as usual and telling her she's a bad parent and negligent.
And that's not even touching the fact that he does sod-all around the house. Still don't see how "he's a good dad" I'm afraid.

Tweet, what is he going to do about doing half of the work around with the house and with your DD?