Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My heart is aching for a man I can't have.

95 replies

SecretPirate · 28/05/2012 23:41

I am prepared to get some grief for this, but I can't be the only person who has ever been through this, surely?

I have become very close friends with a male work colleague. We talk a lot and over the last few months our relationship has got 'inappropriately close', I suppose.

We are both married with children, and we both thought we were quite happy in our marriages.

However, a few weeks ago we ended up kissing and this had changed everything for me. I think I have fallen in love with him and am now, all of a sudden, asking myself big questions of my marriage.

He has said that he doesn't regret what happened at all, but that the thought of hurting his family is unbearable and so it can't happen again.

I have a lot of respect for this decision, but he wants to stay close friends and I really struggling with this.

We can never be together, but the way I feel is destroying my marriage anyway.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 04/06/2012 12:29

He is behaving like a twat.

You can't go back to your friendship because of your feelings.

Unless you want to be party to destroying 2 families, walk away and never have contact with him again.

Teeb · 04/06/2012 12:30

As the saying goes, if you play with fire you're going to get burnt. For you, i'm not sure there will be a happy ending. You've already crossed the line. You can never look at your husband again knowing you've been completely honest and faithful and kept your vows/promises to him. This other man doesn't want you. You'd be 'heartbroken' to lose the friendship.

Morloth · 04/06/2012 12:34

Being stupid/selfish is not a crime.

What do you want people say OP? I don't care about you/this guy/the families. I have no vested interest here.

If you continue seeing this man I believe your marriage will fail, never seen it go any other way, ever.

You are being ridiculous.

Follyfoot · 04/06/2012 12:37

Its not just one of them who is behaving badly SoupDragon - they are adults and both responsible for their own behaviour so unless the OP told him to bugger off at the very first instance, she is culpable too.

Life isnt some romantic novel, its hard, boring, difficult and a grind some of the time. Doesnt mean the grass that looks greener actually is. Time to grow up secret pirate and do the right thing by your family (and yourself).

Adversecamber · 04/06/2012 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 04/06/2012 12:50

"Its not just one of them who is behaving badly SoupDragon"

I never said it was. However, the OM is behaving like a twat because he keeps saying "Oh I don't want to hurt my family... it can't happen again" but then coming back to toy with the OPs feelings. That is behaving like a compete and utter wanker on top of anything they both have done.

MrsKwazii · 04/06/2012 13:01

How would you feel if another MNer was posting this about your DH? Or if your DH was the one posting? How would that make you feel and what would you think of them?

You are in the middle of a crush, a big one, but a crush nonetheless. You sound like a teenager. If there are problems with your DH you need to address them, not lose yourself in a fantasy that you've built up in your head. Get a grip.

SecretPirate · 04/06/2012 13:10

Yes, he is toying with my feelings. That's exactly how I'd describe it. I don't understand what he wants from me or why he wants to stay in such close contact. Maybe he just likes the ego massage. We are good friends though. I can't believe that that's all I am to him, an ego massage.

Either way, his 'up & down, in & out' behaviour is starting to make him look like a bit of a nob now. Thank you all for helping me see that. It's going to take a while for me to get him down off this pedestal I seem to have him on though.

OP posts:
Dprince · 04/06/2012 13:13

Op I am really interested to know if you dh admitted that he adored another woman, held her, told her she was beautiful and kissed her. But he wasn't going to let it go further, but doesn't want tob ut contact. Would you think 'oh dh you are sp romantic and honourable, such a wonderful man' ?
The OM is acting in a classic (or cliches) way that cheating men do. The 'i can't bear to hurt my family' means I'll shag you as long as you don't expect me to leave. Can we stay friends means I like you hanging on my every word and its nice to know I could have you when I want. He doesn't give a shit about you or his wife. He wants the best of both worlds.
His poor wife (and your poor dh) are bring shit on from a great height tbh. To add insult to injury you are both blaming them.

DukeHumfrey · 04/06/2012 13:17

Hooray to your last post, OP.

Bet he wanders off when he realises he's not going to get a shag out of it.

Tis a pity to lose a friend, but it happens, and is just part of life.

SecretPirate · 04/06/2012 13:24

The thing is, he doesn't even want to shag me. Or he says that he can't go through with it anyway.

So what's he getting out of it? Just the kick of knowing that he could have me if he wanted me? Surely that would get a bit boring after a while if that's all he wants?

OP posts:
PattyPenguin · 04/06/2012 13:33

Well, I expect he gets a nice warm glow from feeling "I could have this woman any time I like but I'm so bloody marvellous I won't cheat on my wife, I am such a god".

But as you say, this may eventually pall, and then he'll either decide he does actually want to have that shag (if he's prepared to risk the possible fallout) or that he needs someone fresh to make him feel godlike. Which might be ever better for him - "Look how many women I could have any time I like, I mean count them, but I'm etc. etc."

Dprince · 04/06/2012 13:33

Op he loves that hr can have you if he wants. Or in a few months will come the 'i have tried so hard to do the right thing, but I love you so much and you are so wonderful that I can't resist any longer. Its not my fault you are so beautiful. I am only a mere man and can not be without you for second longer. But I still won't leave my wife. ' its win win, his bit on the side has sympathy for him, thinks he is wonderful and amazing but accepts he won't leave his wife. Everyone thinks he his a good man and he can keep facade up.
In reality he is a cheating twat that doesn't give a shit about either family or you. Its not the first time he has done this ,won't be the last. While I think you are being manipulated, you are treating your family very badly too.

FashionEaster · 04/06/2012 13:34

How would you feel if your mother and father knew you were having an affair? Your brother/sisters? Neighbours? Friends? Nothing like the harsh glare of reality to turn what feels exciting into what is really is : tawdry.

Halfway · 04/06/2012 13:55

From extensive bittersweet experience of my own (long gone, thank goodness), there are men out there that know exactly how to play womens' emotions like a fiddle.

Its not just about the sex (although that is usually the pinnacle of their 'achievement'), its about making you fall in love with them. Swept off your feet with them, putty in their hands, etc.

Men like this know that its all about making you chase them, and not vice versa. So he will make himself as attractive as possible in your eyes (hence the 'honourable' agonising and displayed 'unavailability', whilst at the same time gradually inching closer).

I had a 'romance' in my life, where I was convinced the man was a tortured, honourable soul... misunderstood by the world and lonely. He wanted me because "only I understood him", I made him "feel things he'd never felt before".

He even went so far as to tell me he could not be sexually active because he had been molested as a young man and never recovered from it.

This led to a very long period (years) of me mistakenly trying to help him through his problems by building up sexual activity with him. I was desperately in love with him, and felt like I was holding a wounded little bird in my hands.

Except it was all a lie... the entire relationship. Its a long story, but essentially he had between four to six other women/young girls on the go at the same time as me, using exactly the same spiel, and a whole string of exes that had already been through the 'game' with him.

He was so convincing, and played the wounded victim part so well that if anything I'd felt I was the one pursuing him, I was the one who initiated everything sexually (I wasn't in hindsight, just manipulated into it).

The red flags were there but I hadn't payed attention (him not wanting me to meet his family, maintaining a lot of distance - I couldn't easily contact him whenever I wanted, blowing hot and cold, over-the-top romantic gestures and words, drawing close and then backing up just far enough for me to chase him... etc, etc).

I wish you all the best OP, I really do, but please don't underestimate the thrill of the game for some of these men, and by telling you he won't leave his family he's already set you up to be the 'chaser' and himself the 'chasee'. Now all he has to do is stoke your fires up just enough from time to time to keep you running after him, while your other relationships wither into ash. The more you lose (or give up) for him, the more powerful he becomes over you. Sad

SoupDragon · 04/06/2012 13:55

I agree with Dprince. He gets a kick out of knowing he could have you whenever he wants and I would lay money on him weakening" at some point.

So, you can either be as much of a twat as he is and hang on or you can finish it now and sort your marriage out one way or another.

whatsthatabout · 04/06/2012 20:40

Reading all this strikes a chord wiv me too. I've had a massive crush on someone in work for (gulp) nearly a year on and off. Looking over this time, I can't believe how he long he has been stringing me along.........when I distant myself from him, he edges closer pays me attention, eye contact and generally flirts around me; then when I've thought he was interested, he has backed off, avoided and even ignored me!!!!!!!!!! I thought we had this 'connection' together, but really I'm only just seeing the light now :( My marriage has broken up, it was going that way anyway, because I couldn't control my feelings about this. I've been such a fool, but this guy continues to try to control and manipulate my feelings. The worse thing is he comes across as a lovely sweet guy and no one has a bad word against him, yet he has been getting a thrill out of this!!!!!!My advice get out while you can, I am really struggling wiv this still and have wasted my time and energy on someone who doesn't give a fuck about me.

SecretPirate · 04/06/2012 21:46

Gosh! I could have written that description of OM's behaviour myself!

It's like he has to be in control. He wants me hanging round his desk, texting him, touching his leg etc..., but gives very little back. Then as soon as I leave him alone for a day or two, he's the one chasing after me, "oh you're quiet today' or 'what you up to for lunch?' etc...

I could swear that he times how long I take to reply to his texts and then makes sure that he takes just that little bit longer to respond to mine.

I can't believe that I've got myself sucked into it. He's not even that great looking. Makes me wonder if the real problem is with me and my marriage. Sad

OP posts:
Hatpin · 04/06/2012 22:39

OP, I am glad you are seeing the light already before it's too late.

I left my marriage for a man at work who decided not to leave his wife. We had an 18 month affair at the end of which I was depressed, anorexic and a bundle of nerves.

Despite me ending the affair over a year ago, we have to see each other at work and it has made it a hundred times worse.

He still e-mails me regularly to ask me to meet up with him. I heard today he and his wife (whom he has "no relationship with", he only stays for the children Hmm) are going out together on Saturday night. Three weeks after he asked me to sleep with him again. His wife has no idea.

Don't allow him to f*ck you over, because he probably will.

Go back and talk to your H before anything further happens.

Dprince · 05/06/2012 08:24

The fact that you fancy someone doesn't mean your marriage is the problem. Its worth looking at, once you have made the break from OM. don't let him cloud your judgement

New posts on this thread. Refresh page