There has always been awkwardness in our family. My two sisters get on very well, and had a very happy childhood. Things were different for me, I don't know why, my mother lost a baby when I was little and I imagine she was depressed. I was the problem child, anyway, and even now we are adults my sisters relate to me in a critical way with lots of undertones, stop contact for ages, take offence. Anyway we are all supposed to be going on a visit to my aunts and it the thought is making me feel sick with nerves, I just can't do the vibes and undertones any more. I am struggling with a work load I can just about manage and two dc on my own. I want to make an excuse to get out of it but I feel bad that I am depriving my dc of their aunts and uncles. My dc don't see my sisters often but they are the only family we have and my ds is particularly fond of one of my sisters. What should I do? put dc first or my own sanity and just stop contact. I know it seems extreme but I have struggled to find self esteem over the years and seeing my family deflates it. Thanks for reading and sorry this isn't too coherent, it's something that upsets me a great deal and is not something I have talked about before.