Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Husband is cheating on me and out 3 month old daughter

75 replies

char222 · 27/05/2012 21:27

Shortly after my DD was born my husband had to move to another part of the country for his job. We were supposed to be moving with him, but delays mean i have been on my own for the last 10 weeks.

Since he has moved away he has shown no interest in our daughter, and shown me no support even though he knows i have found it hard being on my own.

I have since found out that he has been texting a girl at his new workplace saying things like how much he wants to kiss her. They have also been planning a trip together. He even texted her ""goodnight sweetheart xx" whilst in bed with me! When confronted he said that since the birth of DD the spark has gone from our marriage.

I can't believe how selfish he is being. I am unsure whether our marriage is worth saving, but the thought of being a single parent terrifies me. Has anyone else been in a similar situation??

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 27/05/2012 21:30

There is one thing you need to be sure of

Your marriage is not worth saving

I am very sorry, you are currently married to a low-life

zookeeper · 27/05/2012 21:33

I am sorry you are going through this. I am a single parent and I would be far more terrified to be with someone like your dh - please don't stay with him because you're terrified of being alone.

ChasedByBees · 27/05/2012 21:36

I have a four month old and the focus has switched to my DD for the time being but both DH and I know that this is temporary.

He says the spark has gone in three months? Does he have any idea how tiring having a new baby is? That's such a short time, what an immature arse of a man he is.

Does this girl know he's a new father? I'd be tempted to tell her and then kick him out.

firstpost · 27/05/2012 21:37

So sorry you are going through this :(

A decent man would understand that "the spark" is not the most important thing when you have a twelve week old daughter. And if that is his response then he is not grown up enough to be partner or a husband.

You should seek some RL support. You deserve better

LunarRose · 27/05/2012 21:48

I'm not sure the situation isn't slightly different because he is not living with you, he's not experiencing first hand what living with a newborn is like and therefore that slightly pushed out feeling that most men get is the one that is one which is winning out.

Can't tell you if your marriage is worth saving or is salvageable. you need to be asking questions like what is the marriage like generally, how much effort is he prepared to put in to make it work (incidentally if the answer is none you've got your answer straight away).

One thing you do need is time together, if both of you want to make it work you really need to sort out the living apart thing quickly, it clearly isn't working/is working too well for him.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2012 21:54

You would excuse his chilling and absolute coldeartedness then, LR ?

really ?

cahu · 27/05/2012 21:56

The thought of being a single parent is way more scary than the reality. Do not make a decision based on that fear, please.

Malificence · 27/05/2012 21:59

You and your baby should be the light at the centre of his universe , the fact that you aren't speaks volumes about him - he's not fit to be a husband or father.
He sounds like a self centred and self entitled man-child.

Tryharder · 27/05/2012 22:00

If you are living apart and he is shagging another woman, then really you are already a single parent. You will be fine..

Why on earth would he treat the mother of his child in such a callous and disrespectful way is beyond me. Get yourself a good solicitor!

poohbearrocks · 27/05/2012 22:02

What a twunt. He does not deserve a daughter. Silly silly man.

Let him go. You and DD deserve more.

LunarRose · 27/05/2012 22:10

Not excusing anything. but if the relationship was working up until the point they stopped living together that seems a good point to start if she chooses to work with her DH to make things.

Men and women do do stupid things. How many times do you see posted on her women who have had a stupid EA but want to make things work. I for one am not going to tell a woman with a newborn to write off their marriage if it is just a very stupid mistake.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2012 22:19

when my DH works away from home, I expect the same level of respect for our relationship

you are excusing him, LR, by saying on some level it is understandable that he looked outside of his marriage because he wasn't sleeping in the same bed every night

it is not understandable, on any level of decency and respect, unless you think such men cannot cope with being on their own for a few days a week without accidentally penetrating another woman while their wife looks after a newborn at home

RA88 · 27/05/2012 22:24

Dump his ass !! Doesn't deserve you or your baby ! Hugs x

LunarRose · 27/05/2012 22:30

I'm saying it's a bit much to chuck away a marriage based on a few dumb texts...

Have never excused. But do think the OP should explore all her options.

nkf · 27/05/2012 22:37

Appalling behaviour and he doesn't sound sorry. Little worm. What do you want to do? Can you forgive? Is he repentant? Being a single mother is tough but not as tough as married women think it is. He sounds babyish to me. Spark indeed.

lumbago · 27/05/2012 22:38

Anyfucker. Do you ever say "make it work "?!!;)

ImperialBlether · 27/05/2012 22:41

There aren't many occasions to say that on here, lumbago.

FFS this man is texting his girlfriend whilst in bed with his wife who has just had their baby. He is scum.

Northernlurker · 27/05/2012 22:45

The baby is three months old. There hasn't been time for the spark to go! What he means is he is staggeringly selfish and the OP has somebody else in her life and he can't be arsed with that. Wanker.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2012 22:46

lumbago

it's been known

not when the alternative is to swallow this level of disrespect though

I happen to believe having no relationship has to be better than settling for one like this...so shoot me

lumbago · 27/05/2012 22:47

I know. I was just lolling to self as I read thread. Everything. Up she pops. Leave the fucker

lumbago · 27/05/2012 22:47

Oi. AF go to the sprout thread.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2012 22:49

lumbago glad you find this thread amusing

some of us don't find anything to "loll" about

did you mean to sound so shockingly cold, that you would use OP's situation to have a go at another poster ?

you should be ashamed of yourself

FashionEaster · 27/05/2012 22:50

In your marital bed he is texting the OW?

And you've just had a baby?

Time to get some RL support from your families - both, if you have a good relationship with your ILs and they value their gc. You are going to need it, especially with a nb. H

At the moment it would be only natural that you'd want to hold on to your marriage because you are a new mum and your future was mapped and you love/d your H - or the man he was, not the man he is revealing himself to be now. However, as time passes, I think you will realise you don't want to be with such a man. Trust and respect are the backbone of a marriage and he has shown he isn't worthy of yours.

Have been there (my youngest was 4m old when H's affair started and he behaved in similarly appalling ways) and it's time to face some tough truths: your H is a callous, selfish knob who is only thinking about himself and no-one else. You need to rely on ppl who love you and on whom you can trust. Shining the harsh glare of family and friends on to H's nobbish behaviour will take the gloss of the romance but also bring matters to a head.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2012 22:50

x posted

you just answered my question

way to go, lumbago, woo-hoo for you

WhippingGirl · 27/05/2012 22:51

Who are we to judge whether a marriage is worth saving or not? Only the op can tell herself that. However based on the info given I think she's being treated appallingly. By a v cold man

Flip

1 2 3