Dp doesn't want me to meet his friends

[SleepyDopeyGrumpy]

Will be going out with his friends tomorrow and when i asked him if it ever occurred to him he could invite me along instead of choosing who to spend time with he said no it didn't.

He says he acts different with them than he does to me and that has lead to bad experiences before. He wants to keep that part of his life separate from me and it hurts. He then asked "what happens when you want something and i dont?"

Im not sure i can cope with having parts of his life hidden away from me but i cant change his opinion on the matter so even if he ever does let me meet any of his friends or his best friend then i will know it would be under duress.

Any advice? :-(

You deserve better than this. I spent the first year of my relationship in bed meeting all his friends and hanging out with them,because he thought I was bloody amazing true and wanted to brag that I was with him. You deserve nothing less. BTW I've been with him twenty Myers. Ow and he still thinks the sun shines out of my proverbial.

He just said "that he does it for him, to stop him feeling or acting bad due to divided thinking. Also security against bad past experiences eg loosing everyone at once and that when he lives with someone he will terminate those friendships because he wont need them any more so its not a long term issue"

I said i didn't want that though, that i wanted him to have friends he can see without me and occasionally with me tagging along and that he needs to stop thinking about protecting himself and learning to work together.

Twenty Myers? Years obv bloody iPad

Tell him you are going.
Tell him your reasons.
You have known him a month now.
Time to act.
You dont have anything to lose.

"when he lives with someone he will terminate those friendships because he wont need them any more so its not a long term issue"

Dear god. That's (IME) just as bad, why would he feel the need to drop all his "friends" just because he was in a committed relationship?

"Terminate those friendships because he won't need them"????
Does he have other friendships then?
Do you want to be with someone that is embarrassed of introducing you to the rest of his life? Please do not be naive.
You deserve better.

You do deserve better - don't put up with it.

cross post.
Not sure it makes much difference to what I have already said.
Also tell him there is no reason he cant have both.You and them.
Because of his bpd, is he trying to compartmentalise things?
Still tell him you are going though, because you are not going to stay with him otherwise.
This is too important an issue to ignore, which you realise.

Honestly, it doesn't matter if he can see what he's doing or not - it's not your place to try to teach him these things. If he hasn't got it by now, then that's his problem.

I know that sounds heartless, but in real life guys who are dicks, players or just a bit flakey don't have epiphanies after a one off conversation and turn into a nice, thoughtful person. That only happens in films. In real life people who act in a way that alienates others tend to keep on doing it forever.

"terminate" his friendships because he "won't need them anymore"???????!!!!!

Put your trainers on and RUN. this person is either dangerously unbalanced or dangerously stupid and you would be an utter fool to involve yourself with him.

OP just end it and don't waste your time.

A month in, it shouldn't be about compromise, or planning for the future, or any of this bullshit.

So he's reading this while you're relaying everything he's saying back to us all? Get offline and actually talk to him. Don't use MN as the third wheel, it's just weird.

OP why are you trying so hard to force this relationship into something its not when you've only been together a month? You want a partnership, he wants a friend with benefits. Don't waste your time, move on.

He's being honest with you so decide whether to stay and be miserable or move on.

owe, he is not reading it he already said he doesn't see the need to post anything for opinions on here so wont look. I was texting him while on here he is coming round in a short while.

I just received a text saying Its not judging me or basing it on past lovers. he doesn't want to be attached to my friends and he meant finding the balance between selves not the outside world. He says he will think about it and "let me know if its something short and/or long term and if he is willing and able to change" So i have agreed to drop it for now.

What? None of that makes any sense what so ever!

You don't want advice you want a moan and for us to say "aw poor Hun he'll change". He won't.

You have the power to not be in this situation.

"Put your trainers on and RUN. this person is either dangerously unbalanced or dangerously stupid and you would be an utter fool to involve yourself with him."

Seconded

Why on earth haven't you dumped him already?

Get out now.

mumsy is right, you need to read 'he's just not that into you'

link to kindle to read immediately

if not get it by monday

My ex did this to me, he is a tosser too. I realised I deserved a lot more and stopped going out with tossers after I read the book (which is so so different to the film and much more helpful).

I don't want to be harsh but he doesn't like you enough to introduce you to his friends, don't you deserve better than that? Pull yourself together lady.

I give up.

Do what you like, OP.

Just don't post all over again when he finds something else he doesn't want to compromise on.

He doesnt want to be attached to your friends? wtf?

Does this mean "IF" he is in this for the long run he will be expecting you to dump yours too?

Am I the only one who thinks a month is an extremely short period of time and I probably wouldn't have been introducing anyone to anyone else after that time? Its been ONE MONTH! I find it weird that she's demanding to meet his friends already actually.

It's not his children, Daenerys it's his friends...surely it's important to see if they get on and a way to cement your relationship in the early days.

Seriously. Read the book.

You've been with him a month. You're unhappy. Life's too short.

In the end it doesn't really matter if he's acting like this because of past experience or because of a personality disorder or because he's a shitty DP - it still has the same end result of making you feel bad.

Dear God OP, are you not listening to what people are saying? This boyfriend of yours is displaying more red flags than you can shake a stick at, yet you are choosing to ignore them all and carry on with this facade of a relationship. A month in you should both be loved up and not thinking about much else than how you're going to get to spend time together. This man sounds like more hard work than is bearable. What are you getting out of this? Why are you with him?