Dp doesn't want me to meet his friends

[SleepyDopeyGrumpy]

Will be going out with his friends tomorrow and when i asked him if it ever occurred to him he could invite me along instead of choosing who to spend time with he said no it didn't.

He says he acts different with them than he does to me and that has lead to bad experiences before. He wants to keep that part of his life separate from me and it hurts. He then asked "what happens when you want something and i dont?"

Im not sure i can cope with having parts of his life hidden away from me but i cant change his opinion on the matter so even if he ever does let me meet any of his friends or his best friend then i will know it would be under duress.

Any advice? :-(

The sensible way to look at it Sleepy is that you've being going out a bit more than a month and already you want him to be a different person. This is who he is. He's decided he doesn't want you to meet his friends and that he's not going to change his mind no matter how much it upsets you. That's who he is. If you're ok with that, keep seeing him. If you're not, be honest with him and let him move onto another woman who's happy to be treated like shit.

I trust him, there is no OW im sure of it.

He says "other peoples opinions wont change his reasons" but what do you do when something like this crops up? There has to be a compromise somewhere.

You've been together a month. Is it worth it? Really? I'd move on. Not worth the hassle.

I wouldn't send him this thread. I would send him his marching orders. Who cares if you are the OW or not. He isn't treating you with respect.

He doesn't want to compromise, OP, so you have to decide whether you can live with the situation as is.

If you can, great, stop posting on MN and go and be together in your new relationship.

If you can't, get rid.

I'm not really understanding the hand-wringing tbh

why on earth would he not want to introduce you to his friends.
Sorry, but this is really not going to end well. Best run away before things get more serious.

If he acts differently with his friends it probably means he's putting on an act for you, which he will drop as the newness of the relationship wears off and will turn out to be a prick...

Unless he is already. Nothing you've said about him makes him sound like much of a catch.

There has to be a compromise somewhere.

Yeah and he's not the one making it!

OP there isn't a single possible positive reason for him not wanting you to meet his friends. All possible scenarios are negative.

Hmm sorry OP, you're referring to him as your 'DP' but he's really not, is he?

This is still a very new relationship, and clearly not a partnership at all.

^ and this

sorry that was to Empusa

Its not like im going to start seeing his friends without him i have no wish to spend time with other people when i can be seeing him and they live in different areas to me i would only know them on a strictly with dp acquaintance level that's what i dont understand why he would object.

Can you not see it OP? What every poster here has said?

"that's what i dont understand why he would object"

You've been given a variety of reasons why he'd object. None of which he's likely to admit to.

I don't think he sounds like he actually is a 'DP' as in he isn't a 'partner' but a new boyfriend / some one you are 'seeing'. The term partner implies living together and planning to stay together. Would he call you a 'partner'?

xpost asbyatt!

i can see it cakebump and im listening and taking the advice offered i promise im not ignoring everybody.

He said he is having a hard time finding balance with the Bpd and being in a relationship and doesn't mean to do and say things that hurt me and will work on it but i dont know if this is something that would be included in that or whether he has made his mind up and will never budge.

OP, really, I know there's a shortage of men, but this man is awful. He has borderline personality disorder, he has a date night with a female best friend and won't let you meet his friends because he's a different person when he's with them.

End it now. You're lucky he's not serious about you - if he was, I'd be really worried for you.

i dont understand why he would object

Because for all reasonable people, The Meeting Of The Friends is an important test of whether a relationship will work. He thinks you'll fail or find out all his nasty little secrets

One month in and he's hiding important stuff from you. What else might he be hiding? And when he says "nothing" how can you trust him?

LadyMontdore - great minds and all that!

ok... firstly he's not your DP if you've only been official for a month.

secondly, he doesn't want you to meet his friends. apparently ever.
thirdly, he has BPD. has he been in long term therapy for the BPD? is he medicated?

this guy just sounds like incredibly hard work tbh. it's early days, why not quietly end things now rather than get deeply involved with someone who's clearly not all that into you and your feelings?

I've been with dp 2 1/2 years and he's only said something that hurt me maybe three times

Have you not read 'He's just not that into you?'

I can tell you, if you haven't, 'he's just not that into you'. Sorry, you sound nice, go out and find someone without 'issues' and who is delighted to let you meet his friends.