umm

[zizilee]

Hi DH left in Aug 2011 by text after 10 yrs leaving me and the 3 dcs to live without him..... though he is the one who left me he terroises me at every opportunity verbally and mentally ( had been physically abusive 3 times before he left) He holds down an incredibly high up job in the medical world, but cannot see that not contacting the kids and seeing them regularly is a benefit rather than a power play for them.He had been repeatedly unfaithful before but this being my second marriage wanted it to work........ I am v much stronger now but am getting tired of all the upset the non contact then obsessive contact has on my dcs' cannot move away......feel a disaster about to happen what I do not know ...but am v v strong just now and know he hates that.

First thoughts - you'll probably get more useful replies a bit later... but how has his contact been up until now? If it's been good, but is falling apart, can you talk to him about why he's doing that? If it's always been sporadic (and presumably upsetting for the DC's?) then would it be better to just give him some sort of ultimatum about either being reliable or just not bothering at all (if it's stressing you out it's probably even worse for DC's :( ).

Secondly - you mention he's been violent. Is there a local DV advice drop in near you? Try calling up your local council, they should have the times/ venues. Or these lot are really good IME www.womensaid.org.uk/

Hope you get it sorted x

You need to take control back.

Offfer set access days/times as long as he doesn't abuse you in the process. If he does, refuse all contact.

Get a new sim card, and keep the old number for him only, give him times when you'll allow him access to you on that number, outside of those times, switch it off.

You'll feel a return of power, enjoy it, it's yours!