Was anyone else bullied at school?

[theamazonstar]

Sorry for such a miserable topic on a Friday night but I have to get this off my chest.

I had a miserable time at high school. I was horribly bullied and ended up with bulimia and severe depression. I contemplated suicide too. As soon as I could I left for uni and I was much happier there but still very slow to trust people. I've recently moved back to my home town for family and work reasons, and I've run into a few of my classmates. I can't talk to them, even of they didn't bully me. I start shivering and gibbering and I bloody hate it- I'm not the person I was back then but seeing someone brings it all back. Is this normal?

Help :(

theamazonstar - I totally understand the not sitting in the cafe thing alone! I still feel very uncomfortable walking into a cafe/restaurant/pub on my own as I always feel conspicuous (and not in a good way).

I've found it very difficult to read these posts but I'm still very glad that people have shared their experiences. I don't know many people in RL that has experienced the sort of bullying that I had to ensure at high school. About 10 years ago I did tell two female friends about the bullying and they both seemed very uncomfortable hearing about it.

The group work thing is really interesting. I'm a secondary teacher and group work is now almost mandatory - I am expected to do it almost every lesson. I remember that feeling of dread at school when a teacher said 'get into groups' and I know how awful it is to be left out. As much as possible I try to pick groups myself but sometimes working with friends is ideal and even as someone who has been bullied, as a teacher I find bullying incredibly hard to spot. Kids are really used to doing group work now, but even so I would really like to see someone doing some training for teachers on how to manage it sensitively and minimise the opportunities for bullies. In fact, thinking about it, in 12 years I've never been given any INSET on bullying full stop, and I've sat through a lot of INSET. That's really wrong isn't it?

It is difficult reading, but very comforting to know that you're not alone.

Bullying still isn't taken seriously, the world is often belittled, or teachers often tell girls off for being silly and telling on name calling/giving evils etc - but these are all serious things, especially when it happens more than once or thousands of times.

I often thought it funny how law within school was very different to the outside world - of course I now know it isn't - abuse is still abuse, but teachers/parents don't think to report it to police because it's just what school children do... whack each other round the head with rounders posts... hmmm.

I'm a very bitter and twisted old goat.

I'm going to go in the school again. And if that means bringing my baby and 4 year old too, then tough. I can't make kids like my son but perhaps the teachers can actually be made aware of how this is affecting ds and perhaps other kids too.

• have
• endure

stupid phone

I think it's fab that you are sensitive to the issue though iheartking, and you know how awful that can be. In my experience, large groups give less opportunity, so working in groups of six was never as terrifying as groups of three. Also, single sex groups where worse- particularly girls.Teachers are rarely taught about discipline or bullying though are they? and those are two HUGE issues.

You know, I'm so terrified of the word 'group work' I emailed the nct teacher to say I was really worried about antenatal classes and wanted to cancel

Not just you! When I was an undergraduate student, I was terrified to ask anybody if I could be part of their coursework group. As a result, I was more often than not part of the leftovers group - consisting mostly of the students not bothered enough to email the teacher, never mind about doing the work. How on earth I managed to get a decent degree anyway still puzzles me, given the amount of group work there was ...

OP, thanks for starting this thread - it actually feels oddly liberating to write about these things. It's not something I tend to discuss IRL - either because I'm afraid it'll make people feel uncomfortable (like Maisie says) or because I fear that I'll make myself vulnerable in places where I don't want to be.

I have a real problem walking into somewhere either on my own or first. I've tried to explain to DH but he just can't understand why 'they might look at me' is a bad thing.

Yes, I was bullied. Mostly verbal with some physical bullying thrown in for good measure. Don't know of any particular reason except that I was tall for my age and that was enough to mark me out as different. Sometimes I would be included and, sadly, sucked up the abuse for those times when I was part of a little group.

I recall being followed home by the 'cool' girls and being spat at. I was taunted, called dreadful names and isolated by many of my classmates. This was throughout my time at Secondary school.

It has certainly marked me. I have a morbid fear of rejection which has led to me not following certain ambitions for fear of being rejected or criticised. I am a 'pleaser' - doing everything in my power to please others. I constantly put others needs before my own for fear of being thought selfish and do not have things that I do outside the home because that would mean asking someone else (DH) to alter what he wants to do. I avoid confrontation. I try to make as little impact (in RL) on others as I can. I suffer gastric problems now because of how I 'process' stress. I look for reassurance from those close to me - often to the point that I drive others a bit mad and I am constantly looking to make sure other's are "ok" - again, pursuing that until they get annoyed with the question. I find it very hard to say "no" to anyone who asks for help and will often not say what I truly want to say because I worry about how it will be construed by others.

To be honest I feel like a ghost in my own life.

So for all these dreadful stories.

Oh god yes - at university I was always given special permission to work alone on projects... I petitioned for it with good academic reasons etc... but really it was just because I was scared that nobody would want to work with me, or if they did work with me - i would feel uncomfortable and unable to express myself and my grades would suffer because of it.

I stopped putting myself in positions where i could be bullied.

I like to sit in corners in cafes/ public transport. That's a defence I still use, feel very uncomfortable walking in open spaces... someone might see me.

Sorry i keep talking about me - It is therapeutic.

Yes! A set of twins picked on me in Primary and continued to high school. Unfortunately it started because my brother and their brother were big enemies. They left after 4th year and was so much better for my last 2 years. One big incident which happened was me being cornered in the changing room at PE and warned to stay away from my boyfriend or else. I asked him what would make them say that, and was informed that around 8 weeks before he asked me out, one of them had asked him out. He'd laughed in their faces and said no. Of course then ugly duckling me ended up going out with him. They really were annoyed.

Met one of them about 7 years after I last saw them. She told me if I continued to look like I did, I might just get myself a man. A workmate who witnessed the whole thing asked why I'd shrugged it off instead of saying, well actually I'm married with a beautiful daughter. I didn't need her to know that.

What it has done is acted on dd having issues right away and making her aware I am listening. My mum was broken hearted that I wouldn't admit what they were doing to me.

I was bullied all through secondary school and it's one of the reasons why I can't stand people now. I'm also very stroppy and antisocial. People find me quite stand offish, but it's just a defense mechanism. I can't really trust anyone and I automatically assume that everyone is up to no good and is going to screw me over in some way. If I could I'd probably live on a remote island somewhere and just not bother with anyone apart from dh and the dcs.

I have never fulfilled my potential academically and never had the confidence to seek a better job. I tend to exist on the periphery of things and never feel comfortable when I'm with others.

I also have an incredible amount of anger in me as well. CBT and antidepressants have helped somewhat, but I still think people are the scum of the earth and best avoided at all costs.

GotMyGoat I can totally relate to the sitting in corners thing, I just realised that I do that as well. I also don't like walking down the road or being visible in any way. I would totally hide if I could. If I go out, I just walk along and look at the ground. I will cross the road if I see any teenagers.

It's, unfortunately, very much a part of us all - so you don't think about sitting in corners, or crossing the road. You just do!

very pleased to hear about how it's helped others to parent though, i always want dd to know she is just great as she is and that she is worth protecting. My mum loves me, but for some reason i felt i just had to grin and bear it.

Yes. Bullied in primary and so scared I at one point I didn't want to walk home (alone). Jason l*** if you are on mumsnet- hang your head in shame. I alo still have a scar where he stabbed me with a pencil and I had the "lead" removed.

In secondary it was more around being crap at PE and brainy. Fortunately I had 3 good mates, one of whom was brainier than me and we sort of coped. Didn't like it much, but I suspect it drove me to work hard (after all I had no social side to school apart from my music) and go me where I wanted to be- at uni, doing a course the school had never, ever had a sucessful applicant for in it's history. May mate Carole went to Cambridge- again a first the school took credit for be really it was just hard graft on our part.

How has it changed me as a parent ? Dunno. Apart from ds at mid primary we haven't had bullying issues of note which is amazing .

Did I tell my parents- yes I think so but they never want into school and fraught my corner as I'd want to do.

I have to say again how much I have been blown away by so many people replying to this. So much of what I do and am now makes sense, and I'm going to try and change. Thank you all so much. I wish you all the best, especially MamaM's little boy.

((hugs))

I was bullied at school.

It was generally verbal, apart from one incident, but it was horrible nonetheless.

I tried telling a teacher once. He passed the information onto my form teacher, who ranted at the entire class and then told me in front of everyone to pull myself together.

I told my mum, who said "yes, I was bullied at school too. It's horrible, isn't it." and that was about it.

It went on till I left school after my gcses. I went elsewhere to do A-levels, because I hated the place

I didn't think i was bullied at the time, but looking back I was very much bullied and controlled by my 'best friend'. It was little things, such as insisting i went out with her boyfriend's best friend, and always taking the other person's side if I fell out with anyone and then taking pleasure in making me apologise otherwise she'd 'never speak to me again'. Also I remember one time on the way home from school I didn't want to walk the same way as she did as it took me longer to get home and by the next morning she had turned the whole of our year, bar half a dozen, against me.

Oddly enough I have carried on being 'best friends' with her up until now when her behaviour recently has dredged up a lot of resentment and bad memories from the past so as of now she can consider herself ditched!!

The only time my parents really intervened... Dad especially was of the 'it's part of life, ignore it' way of thinking... was when one girl who had bullied me from about 9 through to 14, started putting scissors through my very long plait, and cutting my hair.
My Dad had forbidden me to have my hair cut until I was 18, and in a way I think it was the cutting of the hair, which he strongly linked with 'womanhood' , that incensed him, as much as the fact that it was an act of bullying.
I had to pin my plait to my uniform in the end.

Hex, I have also recently ditched some people from my life, that after counselling, I have looked at my relationship with them and finally understood that if someone makes you feel small and uncomfortable, they are not actually friends.
It was hard, but feels good overall.

I was bullied when I moved from England to Scotland at 10 years old. They did not like the fact I was English and I was picked on from day one. I was hit, food stolen from me, names chanted at me in the playgroung. Even the class teacher made fun of me.
It had a huge affect on my life. I went from top of the class to botton sets for everything. From having lot of friends to having none. The following year I did make friends with another girl who had come over from Switzerland. She was lovely, but the whole experience had a huge affect on my life.

It made me very shy the less I spoke, the less people noticed where I came from. As someone else said upthread, all my relationships have been forged because people have persude me. I would never have the confidence to initiate a friendship or relationship.

I did tell my parents and they understood. They were also dealing with it in their workplaces. I moved from Scotland when I was 21 and have only been back twice. My parents and brother and sister also moved away.

I don't hold anything against Scottish people at all. There is a lot of reasons the Scots have to feel upset towards the English-oil and Thatcher being two.

I was beaten to a pulp by a really tough girl at school. This was about 27 years ago....3 years ago I literally bumped into her and almost swallowed my own tongue in shock. I went clammy and breathless and when I got home felt close to tears. My beating was so bad I was unrecognisable and she was prosecuted and bound over etc

I rationalised my feelings and until last Monday never set eyes on her again. She was a bloated stomached, broken veined, scrawny, drunken mess, at 1030am. And I judged. And had a secret Serves You Right feeling.

but the pathetic nice person inside feels very sorry that she's such a mess at 40!)

Agree with hiddenhome about being stand-offish - when I got to university after being bullied at school, I made a few close friends but mainly felt very lonely, and I know some people avoided being friends with me because they thought I was 'moody' and 'stuck up'.

I can't change what happened at school and I don't suppose it would or could have been any different, but I wish I'd been more outgoing & confident at university - I could have had so much more fun there if I could just have let go of the school years!

Luckily I made up for it by having a lot of fun in my 20's - at least most of the time - and being very happy since I met DH and had DD.

I was horribly bullied at primary but not by the girls (single sex school). Our class teacher used the Scapegoat system of discipline. Sadly she was our class teacher from Y2 until we left after Y6. I sometimes want to ask the girls in my class what they thought (it was not a good idea to be friends with me as it brought her eagle-gaze on you and you'd suffer until you had enough sense to drop me). However, I couldn't even go on Friends Reunited!!

Luckily, I have not had to spend much time near the area since I was about 25.

wasn't bullied
but the too cool for school meanies took piss out of all us quiet geek kids
I saw one the other while,and she looked haggard,plooky,and non descript,and I thought it was hard to reconcile she had such power at school.one miaow comment or askance look from her and her crew and you had a miserable time

so I know I shouldn't
I know I should have been a better person
....but I thought aye I might be geeky at school but you cut a sad figure as an adult