Boyfriend lied - WWYD?

[eedeeot]

Sigh.

I'm working full time (NHS) and when I got with boyfriend he told me he'd been made redundant and was struggling to find work - he was in debt recovery which I always thought was odd - surely a busy needed job? - I've been trying to get permament job for ages but am having to make do with temping (full time though so Im lucky)

Ive been with him a year and I've yet to see him actively seek any sort of work at all. It only bothers me when he makes stupid statements like "why are we sitting in on a Friday?" - answer to that is that Im struggling to make ends meet at times and when we go out I pay for everything. I know he's skint but he's never once even attempted to pay for a lunch or something out.

I sound such a resentful bitch - and truth is - I am - it is really starting to annoy me.

He then about 6 months ago admitted he got fired for poor attendance and shouting and swearing at his boss. I was upset he lied then.

Anyway after a bit of a row - basically him hinting for me to pay for a mobile contract for him as he has a bad credit rating (god only knows as he's being very dodgy about that as well) - no! was my answer - I asked him how he could get away with never making any effort at all to look for work.

Turns out he's been claiming incapacity for almost 2 years - initially he was depressed - but he's never been depressed in all time I've known him. He admits this himself. He claims I'm the reason he's better. He's not on any medicines and never goes to his GP.

I'm hurt because he's lied to me and secondly although I know how hard getting a job is, the fact I work for the NHS and pay my taxes makes me bloody irate to see someone taking advantage of the situation.

I've told him to start looking for a job asap but I feel so let down by him. I don't want to dump someone because of past issues but he's milking the system and I hate it.

I cant tell my friends or family - I think some of them would shop him in!

Supposed to be seeing him tonight but told him I need some space.

Eedeeots me name!

WWYD??

I'm hoping you haven't been back as you have been kicking his sorry lazy arse to the kerb!!??

There is one big reason why you cannot stay with this man or have children with him, you and he do not live by the same moral code.

Different moral standards in a couple almost inevitably spell disaster.

Take heed!

A very close friend made the mistake of marrying one of these. He kept things ticking for a while, but always seemed to be in the middle of some disaster or other that was everyone elses fault. Cue two babies, "I'm depressed". Ok, treatment "yea not depressed anymore but have a PHOBIA ABOUT LOOKING AFTER MY CHILDREN". Two more firings from two more jobs, he is now setting up a buisness and guess what "I'm depressed". He has no motivation whatsoever and wants to be mummied to the last. The minute it looks like he has to step up, he gets depressed, though the medical profession find very little evidence of it. He is a nice man, he is not malicious, but a lazy arsed shit for brains. I had this conversation with my friend. She spends her time worrying about him and her life is swilling down the toilet with him. Don;t do this.

phew...thanks everyone for leaving me advice. A lot of it almost made me cry - especially the stuff about my self esteem. I like think I'm strong and independent but maybe as someone said I...ahem....let my nether regions do the thinking.

For the last few months whenever we were out (me paying of course) he'd openly eye up younger girls - maybe teens/early 20's (I'm mid 30s) and say how he loved "a bit of jailbait". He did pay me compliments as well....but I guess I started to feel like I was an old hag in his eyes as I wasn't dressed in trendy clothes and so on.

Anyway, things have moved on since I last posted. I mistakenly let him move some of his stuff here as he is getting dry rot treated. I've also been trying to help him learn to drive by lending money for lessons and also stupidly put him on my car insurance so been taking him out at nights as well.

Anyway last night he told me to pick a film to watch on his laptop and there were lots of photos on his desktop - which I clicked - I know it was wrong, I suppose I was just being nosey. I found a posey photo of him that he'd done himself - nothing sexual - but I also found lots of the same young girl maybe aged about 15 or 16. Rock band t shirt on and braces. He claims he downloaded them as this girl was apparently clearly posting underage on some music board online and he was going to report her.

I didn't believe him. In fact I just lost all respect for him. Maybe he was telling me the truth but it seemed dodgy to me. I asked him to show me his recent emails and downloaded photos and he refused calling me mental and saying I accused him of being a paedophile - I didn't. I asked him who the girl was and thought it was odd his desktop had all these photos of her. Incidentally younger than his own kid.

Sigh. It went off big style and I just told him I couldn't believe a word he said as he'd lied to me so often, eg about his benefits. He did show me one folder of photos and it was all porn. Ironically I don't feel anything about that. Just another indicator I'm not what he wants. In the end I packed his stuff and he left last night at midnight in a taxi.

I haven't even cried.

I know I've possibly overreacted but already I feel a huge sense of unburdening. I might not be 16 and ultra skinny but I'm a nice person otherwise and hopefully someone else might see that - if not I'll just bump along and make plans for myself. This evening sad as it is - blasting the house tidy and then a bath and glass of wine as a reward.

Thanks again to you all.

Eedeeot x

Oh dear "he loved "a bit of jailbait"" was going to lead to more I'm afraid. Please call the police.

Is your BF my ExH? Seriously....the big flashing light here is the lying....let alone the work ethic. Trust me, you really don't want to take this further...it will end in tears.

'Jailbait' WTAF?! You are well rid. He sounds revolting.

Normal men don't talk like that, BTW.

You haven't over reacted at all. You are well rid. Well done.

Seriously, you are well out of it.

I'm in two minds about reporting to the police about his 'jailbait' predilection, but I do think you should shop him for benefit fraud.

You, yourself, are a real catch. You are a straight, honest person who works hard, and is kind, generous, patient and tolerant. You will find a man worth having who will think you are worth it too. It'll happen.

Hooray for you Eedeeot!

He's a prize loser and creepy with it. Please don't let him worm his way back in. You are obviously a lovely, generous person. The next guy you get involved with should be deserving of your kind nature.

Well done you.

He sounds a piece of shit and you are well rid of him. Life is too short to waste on people like him.

This is the start of a new life for you, you sound like a lovely person and deserve to meet someone equally as lovely.
Take care of yourself, but please don't be tempted to ever have that lazy, lying and very probably immoral individual, back in your life again.

You should feel proud of yourself, I feel proud of you! You do deserve better. Put it this way, if you were going to pay for a male companion is he exactly what you'd choose ?

You've tired up to reclaim your space. You feel relieved because you will be better off without him (and not just financially), you may find tgat some people now feel able to comment that he wasn't right for you.