Boyfriend lied - WWYD?

[eedeeot]

Sigh.

I'm working full time (NHS) and when I got with boyfriend he told me he'd been made redundant and was struggling to find work - he was in debt recovery which I always thought was odd - surely a busy needed job? - I've been trying to get permament job for ages but am having to make do with temping (full time though so Im lucky)

Ive been with him a year and I've yet to see him actively seek any sort of work at all. It only bothers me when he makes stupid statements like "why are we sitting in on a Friday?" - answer to that is that Im struggling to make ends meet at times and when we go out I pay for everything. I know he's skint but he's never once even attempted to pay for a lunch or something out.

I sound such a resentful bitch - and truth is - I am - it is really starting to annoy me.

He then about 6 months ago admitted he got fired for poor attendance and shouting and swearing at his boss. I was upset he lied then.

Anyway after a bit of a row - basically him hinting for me to pay for a mobile contract for him as he has a bad credit rating (god only knows as he's being very dodgy about that as well) - no! was my answer - I asked him how he could get away with never making any effort at all to look for work.

Turns out he's been claiming incapacity for almost 2 years - initially he was depressed - but he's never been depressed in all time I've known him. He admits this himself. He claims I'm the reason he's better. He's not on any medicines and never goes to his GP.

I'm hurt because he's lied to me and secondly although I know how hard getting a job is, the fact I work for the NHS and pay my taxes makes me bloody irate to see someone taking advantage of the situation.

I've told him to start looking for a job asap but I feel so let down by him. I don't want to dump someone because of past issues but he's milking the system and I hate it.

I cant tell my friends or family - I think some of them would shop him in!

Supposed to be seeing him tonight but told him I need some space.

Eedeeots me name!

WWYD??

Darling, you're not an eedeyott.

He's the idiot... you'd only be an idiot if you don't get rid of him.

Seriously, you won't ever be able to trust a word he says...

Dump him.sooner the better.

Sorry, but why are you with such a waster? I could have no respect for a man like that tbh.

Well I am a bit of an idiot 'cos I believed him when he said he was out looking for work. Turns out he just was visiting his mum or on the internet.

I met his best friend who told me that he tried to get him a job but he refused as he felt it was beneath him (cleaning buses but with every week getting extra money for putting ads on at double time). That made me worry that he was maybe just a bit lazy but he assured me he wasn't

During the recent row he said he wasn't going to get a job "sweeping the street" or "cleaning arses". Ironically I started my career by "cleaning arses" and if worse happened and I had no temp work I'd do it again!

Very disillusioned. Also, feel like I've been kept in the dark by his mum as well as am sure she is aware he's conning the system and is turning a blind eye to it.

Sigh :(

His mum was probably just grateful that someone sensible was coming along to take him off her hands so didn't want to spoil it. He'd be sponging off her if it wasn't for you or the state.

I'm worried I sound like a total tory. I believe in the welfare state FOR THOSE THAT NEED IT and knowing he's been lying to me and to everyone else is just making me very bitter.

I think the "get off your arse and try if you want us to work" chat is coming....

Can I just say thanks? Inside my head is going "but you may not meet anyone as nice as him" and trying to justify not dumping him. I know if I bury my head to this I'll never be happy with him. You're all helping.

He has lied to you throughout your relationship, you can't love him because you d

You don't even know who he really is - get shot and quickly

It is not idiotic to believe what someone tells you.
It is a little bit idiotic to continue a relationship with someone having discovered what you have about this man.
He is NOT nice. You sound lovely and you will find someone who behaves decently and treats you well.

The benefit stuff is a red herring.

He is a sponger. Off you. And he is dishonest. With you. I would walk away.

No matter how "nice" he us, would you really want any children you may have growing up with this kind of example? Have some standards, you know you could do so much better.

What on earth happened in your life to make this such a hard decision?!

He's lying to you. He's using you for money. He is defrauding the state.

I think you would be a massive fool to stay with a man like this. It couldn't be any plainer if he had a massive sign stapled to his forehead saying LOSER.

If you have issues with him and his attitude now - and I would as well if I were you - I don't think these issues will go away, in time they may will become more magnified and more of a problem.

So much to be alarmed about here - much of it has been said already, but really I would want to know where his self respect is - he hasn't any for himself, he's unlikely to have any for you. It's so unmanly to be behaving this way. I would guess this means he also never buys you a bunch of flowers, or takes you out for a drink. What does he do all day? Like the others said, for god's sake don't get pregnant, you could end up resenting him 1000 times more. Good luck and you sound lovely, so I'm sure there are hundreds of good, decent men out there for you!

By the way I have a good job now, but in leaner times I was considering a paper round - there is no job beneath any of us. What's beneath someone is taking everyone else's money!

yours, mostly!

If he could potentially be your ideal man (with a job and a future etc!) then let him prove it to you.
Call the relationship off but tell him you'd love him to get in touch to take you out for dinner with his first pay packet.

"my head is going "but you may not meet anyone as nice as him"

Seriously?!

Get yourself some self-esteem.

This bloke is not nice. He is using you and he sees you as a meal ticket to keep him in a comfy lifestyle for the rest of his life.

He is lazy and feckless and a liar to boot.

Trust me. It will not be hard to find someone nicer than him.

Run for the hills if you were my daughter i'd throttle you for even sticking with him this long.

Oh no no no no no no nooo PLEASE dump.

Past issues?

Lying, freeloading, sponging, laziness - err, current issues??

I guarantee you can do better.

I guarantee your life will be harder and more miserable than it need have been if you stay with him.

Read a few threads on here...

my head is going "but you may not meet anyone as nice as him"

You certainly won't while you are still with him.

So your big issue, and I mean this kindly, is why your self esteem is so very low that this man is good enough for you?

He is not. He may be adequate at some aspects of the relationship but fails all the big issues. He does not tell the truth, have an honest, realistic relationship with you, respect you or care that you are funding his arrogant refusal to work.

He is an awful, useless man. You are a functional, resourceful woman with friends and self respect. You can only get better if you expect more from your partner and be work through why you have had higher standards for yourself than you have had for your partner.

Inside my head is going "but you may not meet anyone as nice as him"

Really? But can you convince yourself that he is being nice to you because he likes you, and not just because you fund his lifestyle?

Oh he is clever all right. Clever enough to con the benefits office and clever enough to con you for a year into bank rolling him.

Not clever enough to get a job though..

Dump AND report him!