Porn - I beg you for your advice

[ConfusedGirlSuze]

Hello ladies. Used to post on here quite a bit but not recently. I just want to talk and offload.

Been with boyfriend, nearly 2 years - overall happy. Although I went through a dark time with depression although I am out on the other side now :)

However, I have a porn problem. He watches it - not excessively, I'm pretty sure he'd fall in the normal bracket. I've seen bits and bobs either on his emails, which he left on the screen or his browsing history - and it's just normal girls with big boobs stuff - but I just can't shake this pit-of-my-stomach-sick-feeling-I'm-being-cheated-on. We have an ok sex life. Not that often - once a week or so. We've spoken about the porn - he says it's completley different to sex etc - and that it's 'just what men do'. I dread leaving the house - knowing that he's probably doing it the entire time. I love him so much he's my best friend and I don't want to feel like this. I want to just accept that it happens - as I'm sure many girlfriends/wives do and not feel - which I do register is, kind of over the top. I don't want a load of 'dump the bastard' replies - I just want to know how you deal with it.

Thanks in advance,

CGS x

Fair enough then - sorry

I don't think you are right Chips not all guys watch hard core porn. That's ike saying all (insert category of person of choice) do (insert activity of choice). It just isn't true.

perhaps you will tell me I am mistaken but no. Not all men do anything.

Maybe you have had your faith in the other sex seriously bashed. :( But not all men enjoy hard core porn at all.

I'm not sure you are 100 % sure what hardcore porn is chips

Ah well. ok.....I think I'm off too.

Good luck and all that.

Dropdead - you object to the generalisation that all men watch porn, but happy to accept all those who do are watching hardcore!

I think that was sarcasm gin

Please enlighten me ginger

The biggest amount of Internet traffic, including all social net wiring, goes to xvideos, youporn, pornhub. Someone please show me where the soft core section on those sites is.

ahh, OK.

Internet traffic is hardly a subtle measure though is it. It could be fair to assume those watching hardcore are also doing it more frequently. The traffic by the more tame porn users is going to be dwarfed, doesn't mean they aren't there though does it.

Xvideos - 4 BILLION page views per month
Porn hub - 2.5 billion
Youporn - 2.1 billion

30% of all Internet traffic is to porn

All hardcore and very disturbing.

so that means that all men watching porn watch hardcore then. OK.

Oh come on.

I'm saying that the majority of traffic is to extreme sites that dont do soft porn.

Cheerio OP, hope it all works out for you. :)

He isn't cheating on you by watching porn - just scratching an itch. If you want to feel better about it, I suggest that a) you watch it with him and b) you have sex with him more often and spice it up a bit. Part of having a really good sex life is talking about it, listening to what the other person wants and opening your mind. If you love someone, and you trust them, sex can, and should be, a big part of that. But you need to leave your hang ups at the door.

OP, I'd say that if you asked him not to watch porn he should be prepared to do that.

But, if you feel ok in theory about him watching porn then try not to think about it so much, if he doesn't want you to watch it with him perhaps tell him not to leave browser open with porn on it etc.

If you feel he's watching porn instead of being with you then you need to tell him that.

Think you might be getting a little over-anxious though if you are worrying about not leaving the house because he might be watching it when you're out.

Thanks Sparky. I am being over anxious - because I'm scared. Scared of being hurt. I will really try not to over think - horrible images just keeping popping into my head x

When you say horrible images, do you mean of what you saw when you looked at his emails/browsing?

(Don't mean to pry, just wonder what you mean)

I am with Dropdeadfred on this subject.

Yes Sparky :( I'll be fine - getting on with my day and BANG a image of him furiously wanking over some bimbo - blaaaah it's horrible. Like my own thoughts are aginst me.

Hmm, I think I'd be asking him if he would consider not using porn in that case. If its bothering you that much, he should try to stop, IMO.

Its perfectly normal to feel this way about porn and you have the right to feel like this.

Porn would be a deal breaker for me. It is such a vile industry and there is no way I would want my H wanking and orgasming over images of abused women.

Be prepared though that asking him to stop is unlikely to work and you can't monitor him.

I'm not going to ask him to stop watching it. I don't want to control him. I just have to find a way of living with it. I know it goes on it other relationships so I want a insight into how other girls 'manage it' x

So you want advice on how to live with someone who makes you anxious, hurt and scared? (those are the words you have given us to describe your feelings)

You won't find it on here....good luck because it must be so shitty being in a relationship like this, you deserve so much more

I think you might benefit from some type of counselling that's designed to boost your self-esteem. I am not an expert but this sort of thing does exist - maybe start another thread asking for recommendations.

A bit of that and you will find it easier to decide things like - is this bloke right for you or are you clinging on to him because you don't want to be alone?

Do you want him to give up porn and is it a dealbreaker for you if he won't?

Or are there any other issues you want to address. Basically it's not right or wrong to watch porn, to dislike it, to want to appear in it, whatever: what matters is how you and a partner reach a reasonable agreement on the issue that suits the two of you.