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Original poster

is this unfair ?

71 replies

early80sgirl · 16/05/2012 20:30

my mum in law is 70 at the end of the month and has had a lovely few celebrations so far , city break with her family , party in her house , a couple of meals out , a show , etc , now the big finale to her month long celebrations is a party that we are having at our house for 22 adults and 7 kids all dh side im doing all the work for this party and have been told tonight that only my mum is invited from my side , i only wanted to invite one other aunt of mine who knows mil very well , he is adamant no she cant come !!!!! am i being unreasonable to ask this ?

OP posts:

DeadRisingPies · 16/05/2012 20:32

Sounds very mean to me. What's his reason?

Dropdeadfred · 16/05/2012 20:33

Okay tell him 'his mum his party' and let him do everything

bumbums · 16/05/2012 20:36

Just invite the aunt anyway. Ofcourse you can invite whoever you want to your own home.

And yes make sure he pulls his weight with the prep for party and on the night. You are a team.

JustFab · 16/05/2012 20:38

Not unfair. Down right outrageous and totally unacceptable. Get your Aunt invited and all of us mumsnetters .

AThingInYourLife · 16/05/2012 20:38

It's your home. You are throwing the party. You are the host.

He doesn't get to tell you who you can invite.

Invite your aunt and tell him to fuck off.

EclecticShock · 16/05/2012 20:40

YANBU, just ask.

JustFab · 16/05/2012 20:43

Ask??

Lueji · 16/05/2012 20:46

You should invite all your family after that one.

NamesKerry · 16/05/2012 20:50

He's totally out of order. Invite your aunt. She's your mils friend and would be pleased to see her.

EclecticShock · 16/05/2012 20:51

Ok, not ask, tell :)

BustersOfDoom · 16/05/2012 20:54

Errr tell him to crack on with it then. His family party and his responsibility to sort it all if he wants to specify who can and can't attend.

Tell him to fuck off! Can't believe you've actually got to ask if YABU. You're doing all the donkey work but he gets to lay down the rules? Of course YANBU!!!!

I suggest you either tell him in plain English that as it's your home that you can invite who you want and that he takes over handling all the arrangements/cooking etc if he doesn't agree.

DeckSwabber · 17/05/2012 08:32

Ask you MiL if she would like your aunt to come (unless its a surprise party, of course). She's the one who everyone should be thikining about.

Its lovely of you to do all this for her - she's a lucky woman and your husband is lucky to have you.

izzyizin · 17/05/2012 08:39

It's not as if your aunt's a stranger to your mil and your dm will no doubt be very glad of her company on the night

It goes without saying that you should take absolutely no notice of him who is deluded enough to think that he should be obeyed and invite your aunt.

I suggest that, for good measure, you invite a few of your other relatives too and make your aunt the surprise guest of honour at the bash for your mil.

If the churl doesn't like it on the night, he can fuck off down the pub - and stay there until you deem it appropriate for him to return.

Jeez, what an arsehole. I hope his obvious defects haven't been inherited from his nearest and dearest otherwise you'll be working your fingers to the bone for a bunch of ungrateful twats.

arthriticfingers · 17/05/2012 08:49

What about not inviting either your mother or your aunt and turning the birthday celebrations into a leaving do (his).
As in his relatives have the party and then take him with them when they go - for good!

izzyizin · 17/05/2012 09:01

You may have that the wrong way round, fingers.

Far more appropriate for his relatives to be disinvited and for the OP's closest family and friends to turn up in droves to escort him off the premises before they get down to the serious business of having a damn good knees-up to celebrate his departure

arthriticfingers · 17/05/2012 09:04

Quite right izzy; much better idea

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 17/05/2012 09:05

Ask your MIL if she would like your aunt to come

Nobhead · 17/05/2012 09:06

I'd be saying "tough titties pal she's coming", why is it his decision anyway?

meredeux · 17/05/2012 09:13

Perfectly reasonable, if you ask me. Ask the birthday girl if she'd prefer to keep it just family or invite your aunt and whatever she says should be the final word on it.

izzyizin · 17/05/2012 09:14

What reason has he put forward in support of not inviting your aunt, early, or is he unreasonable in general?

meredeux · 17/05/2012 09:15

izzyizin its not unreasonable to want to have a family party. The party is for the MIL, not for the OP (although it is good of her to organise it).

GoPoldark · 17/05/2012 09:15

'No problem darling, I'll just take mum and auntie out for the day the day before the party, and we'll finish off with an early lunch to say sorry to them the day of the party. You're right, it's about your side of the family really. Let me know when you'll have all cooking done etc. and all the house prepared ready for the party and I'l be back in time for the start - I wouldn't want to get in the way of your prep.'

Hullygully · 17/05/2012 09:19

Why can't she come?

Is she likely to grope everyone?

izzyizin · 17/05/2012 09:29

I've somehow formed the opinion that organising this party for 29 involves a tad more than the OP painting her nails while delegating tasks to an army of willing helpers.

Providing he willing to exclusively entertain a similar number of the OP's rellies, and gets on with the business of organising the celebration (as in doing all of the shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc, that such an event entails), I wouldn't consider him unreasonable meredeux.

meredeux · 17/05/2012 09:36

She's doing it in her capacity as daughter in law. Her Dh and his siblings should do the lion share IMO, but giving her MIL a family party should mean the MILs family not the OPs.

(Sorry for talking about you like you are not here OP)

I am in a similar situation with my SIL and DM's upcoming birthday celebrations. Except in my case, the SIL is making all the plans without talking to us (and we don't know how to tell her that we'd be happy to arrange our own mother's party without her help). Only DB wants his wife involved as anything other than a guest. However if my SIL started to invite her family along too, it really would be the thin end of the wedge.

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