is this unfair ?

[early80sgirl]

my mum in law is 70 at the end of the month and has had a lovely few celebrations so far , city break with her family , party in her house , a couple of meals out , a show , etc , now the big finale to her month long celebrations is a party that we are having at our house for 22 adults and 7 kids all dh side im doing all the work for this party and have been told tonight that only my mum is invited from my side , i only wanted to invite one other aunt of mine who knows mil very well , he is adamant no she cant come !!!!! am i being unreasonable to ask this ?

izzyizin - yes, this is exactly how she controls DB. We let her away with most of it, because we felt blackmailed that she'd throw a strop and ruin the whole thing by boycotting it with her children and DB.

However, you are all assuming that the OP is somewhat put upon by her husband (and his siblings - assume he has some as there are so many adults and children). Imagine what you would all say if I had put my foot down with SIL and she had posted on here? DB would be called all sorts of unflattering and un-deserved names. The only one he does deserve is weak for not standing up to his wife and letting things get to this point.

Meredeux I understand your problems with your SL - believe me. I have a sister just like her. Ruined my 40th.
However, there is no indication in the original post that OP is riding rough shod over her H's family in the way you suggest. Rather, what she says indicates that it is much more likely that her fuckwit H is a tosser.

arthriticfingers - I am not saying the Op's husband isn't in reality what you said, but I am saying that there is not enough information to make that judgement.

MY SIL would write a very similar OP, but there is always more to the story. It could be that this is the only thing that the OPs husband has ever been determined about and otherwise the Op has had it all her own way thus far. (There are plenty of people who insist of taking on jobs and then complain about being put upon).

As I said in my first post, the OP shoudl ask her MILl if she'd prefer to keep it just family or invite her aunt and whatever her MIl says should be the final word on it.

If the OP is reasonable, she'd do that. If she's my SIL, and she suspects that she won't get the answer she wants, then she won't.

If your sil is determined to cut her nose off to spite her face, man up and hand her a knife meredeux.

If no one reacts to her tears/strops, she'll either come to her senses or boycott family celebrations. If she doesn't do the former, the latter will be a win-win situation for you all and may even persuade your db to grow a pair.

I imagine that if your sil posted here about her ils wanting to organise a celebration for their dm without allowing her to stamp her mark on it, she'd be told to butt out and confine herself to organising events for her own dm and her other nearest and deareset.

I stood up to her years ago. SIL reacted like I'd struck her (actually all I asked her to do was stay out of an argument I was having with my mother). It caused a problem between me and my brother that hung over us for years afterwards. DB loves his wife and he will not let anything threaten her happiness.

SIL would not post that though... she post something along the lines of here I am, organising a party for them, I am doing all the work and I can't believe it... I am not allowed to invite who I like. How dare anyone impede me in this way?!

DB always reacts to SIL's strops and tears. He is weak, as i said before.

Invite your entire family and un-invite your husband.

Thats what I'd do anyway.

JoanofNark, that's exactly what she should do, especially if she hopes to make it clear that her husband can't attend a party in his own home unless she says so.

It would also be useful if she wants to boycott her MILs own 70th birthday party was is scheduled for that same night.

Apologies for my responses to meredeux having hijacked your thread, early but her experience with her sil shows the folly of appeasing an unreasonable god or goddess

yes, sorry OP for hijacking. I will leave the thread now. Good luck with getting it all sorted out.

What do you mean he TOLD you!?!

meredeux. She sounds like she's a nightmare!

I was responding to OP mere, not you. did you miss that OP's mil has already had a party in her house, and a citybreak with her family, in fact a full month of celebrations?
OP is breaking her shite to do a party and is banned by her husband from inviting her family to her house to enjoy her efforts..because her dh thinks his mother needs yet another event that is all about her?

come off it, how can he possibly be in the right? he can't.

that sounded more narky than intended, not sure why

poopoo - I can only think that she must have some redeeming features that are apparent to DB. Or (shudder), he was so used to being bossed about by his big sister, that he doesn't see the manipulation!

You won't find me lighting a faggot under you, Joan

Seems to me the OP's got every reason to be narked.

I can't see why the bloody hell the aunt shouldn't come. 22 people, 23 people, what's the difference? I don't like closed-shop families. Mine's fairly large, and extremely strange, but would still do its best to welcome a friend/relation of the birthday person.

Applies to you both, btw - Meredeux's SIL's control issues are another question!

I agree, the obvious thing would be to ask MIL if she wants aunty there.

Thanks for all of your great replies , some have really made me laugh! He is just being awkward by not wanting my aunt to come , he can be a nightmare it's just he has a bee in his bonnet over something or other so let's make things shit for me !!! Thanks again very good advice greatly appreciated xx

So he punishes you if he has something on his mind? Lovely!

Hmm, sounds like your H is a bit more of a problem than this party. What will happen if you simply ignore him and invite your aunt anyway? Will he put her out of the house or throw such a tantrum that the party is spoiled, or will you be punished in some other way afterwards?

Please bear in mind that your husband should not punish you in any way, ever. You are not a disobedient pet, nor a child, nor his property, he is not In Charge of you.