Tantric massage therapies

[Patrickjane]

is this for real?
Official, professional?

You need to end this relationship

It matters not what "diagnosis" he has, if any

Are you subjecting children to this vile and damaging man ?

Has really bad stomach issues, which can be immediate, following a row

Aw jeez, you mean that in addition to all of his other repulsive traits he stinks the bog out whenever you say something he doesn't care to hear?

What exactly has this digusting specimen got going for him? Gi-normous dick? Loads of dosh? Living life as a Poor Clare has to be a more attractive proposition than he is.

Do yourself and your dc a favour, honey. Get this self-absorbed, self-serving, ego maniac out of your lives before he causes them even more damage than he's already has.

Do you know anything about BPD?

PJ that's really extreme behaviour. Extremely damaging for anyone close to him, especially to you as a partner and your DC. You've been through so much for this man. What is he doing for you? What is he doing to deal with his very obvious issues?

I've got experience of an H with BPD. I did a lot of research and am seeing a therapist who specializes in personality disorders (just to try an make sense of it all). I understand that it can be treated with years of hard work, but the success stories are scarce. He must accept it, and really really want to change or else there is no hope. And, in brief, you can't live with him whilst he gets treatment. Apart from anything else, what motivation does he have to confront his demons when he still a semblance of a family life?

We separated after a catastrophic incident when I realized our DC were at risk. In hindsight I should have left much sooner. It's funny how you become so used to 'managing' a living hell, picking yourself up and dusting yourself down, that you forget what life can be like in the real world.

I have a huge amount of compassion for my H, despite the awful things he has done to me and our DC. It must be awful being him. But I just can't allow him to bring us all down with him.

OP by bpd do you mean borderline personality or bipolar?

I don't need to know anything at all, PJ

you need to know that living with a man like this will destroy you, and seriously affect your dc's ability to form healthy relationships of their own in the future

The "label" matters not, the behaviour is all

Borderline Alameda
Thanks TGTY, it helps that someone can understand how I'm feeling.
I feel huge amounts of sympathy for him.
He needs help, but he won't admit anything.
Just that he's tired and stressed and it will be ok after whatever. The next break, the next bonus.

He's not helping himself and I think until he does I'm not going to help him anymore

my father, in retrospect, is undiagnosed BPD < armchair psychiatrist >

back in the days before BPD was even recognised

it doesn't change how I feel about my childhood

and it doesn't change how much I hate him, and how he made my mother a shadow of what she should be

this is your future, PJ...the appeasing wife whose children don't respect her

Yes AF, it's the behaviour that matters.
I'm just trying to explain how/why it's happened

I know it needs to end

I just need to make it happen

Trying to explain will confound you

"Making it happen" requires action, not "trying to understand"

You will never understand

There is a howling black hole where his human empathy should be...you will never understand that

Trying to understand it has taken over my life.
I'm not doing it anymore

So, get your life back

PJ, just book yourself a yoni massage in retaliation!

I can't imagine anything worse than getting intimate with a stranger

How about getting intimate with someone who gets intimate with lots of strangers ?

That would be worse (for me)

@patrickjane - how's things been? I just read your thread and wondered how things have been going. Stuff like this is really easy to judge but often a lot more complicated behind closed doors. A lot of people won't be brace enough to share that sexual issues are common place in a marriage between two differently fuelled individuals.
What matters is how you communicate about them and how you are supported, not neglected as a partner affected by them.
So how's things now five years on?