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Original poster

confused as to what I have done wrong?

60 replies

ithastobeNAICEham · 13/05/2012 21:59

I have been with my OH for nearly 2 years and I am pg with DC2 and have a DD7 from a previous relationshiip.

I arranged last week for my ex MIL to come up and see me and my DD during the day, she lives at the other end of the country and is here for the weekend as she is going to a show. Wheneveer she is in the area she will try to pop and see us but doesn't always get chance, we haven't seen her since this time last year.

My relationship with her son broke down (he is NOT dd's dad) when she found some evidence to suggest he was cheating on me and it turned out she was right. I imagine that was a pretty hard thing to do and I know that a lot of families can be complicit in deciet and I am grateful to her for being honest.

My OH has known about this visit since it was confirmed and has shown no real interest or otherwise about the visit. He wasn't living here when she visited last but he stayed the night before and helped me with preparations (I like to make her a meal as she has a long drive ahead of her when she sets off) he knows what happened with my ex and how much my ex MIL helped me and what she did and a little hospitality once or twice a year to me is nothing!

Today, my OH has asked me if I know how it looks? What will I do if she wants to come and see the bbaby when its born and what will I do if she ever brought my ex with her!

I explained that she won't ever bring my ex here without saying so, she isn't stupid! She has never done it and probaably never would, therefore its a non issue in my mind.

She probably will want to come and see the new baby when its born and I have no issue with that, as far as I am concerned she is a part of mine and my DD's life therefore she will be a part of this ones life too! She is a friend and was a massive part of my life for a good few years (we lived with her when we first moved in together as we were saving for a new place together and it made sense to only have food to pay for and no rent so we could save a good wedge of our wages).

I don't see why I shoudlnt have sonmeone I see as a second mum to me come visit us?

Could someone please explain this?? Maybe an outside perspective could help!

TIA

OP posts:
Original poster
ithastobeNAICEham · 13/05/2012 22:01

Sorry for the spelling mistakes, I'm on my phone

OP posts:
HotDAMNlifeisgood · 13/05/2012 22:04

Your reasoning appears sound to me.

Why is your thread title "what have I done wrong?". is that something your OH has told you?

Bumblefeck · 13/05/2012 22:05

Nope, not seeing his problem

She is your friend, she's been a part of your life for years.

It doesn't look like anything but a friend visiting when shes in the area. No doubt she will want to meet the new baby, all your friends will want to meet the new baby.

Tell him to get a grip :o

AnyFucker · 13/05/2012 22:06

she is your friend

the history behind your friendship, although you willingly supply it, is actually none of your current partner's business

he needs to wind his neck in

Original poster
ithastobeNAICEham · 13/05/2012 22:07

hotdam he told me it looked bad and has been in a mood with me since!

bumblefeck I think I might just!

OP posts:
HotDAMNlifeisgood · 13/05/2012 22:09

he told me it looked bad and has been in a mood with me since!

Is he, in fact, an arse?

Shakey1500 · 13/05/2012 22:09

I agree. She is your friend who just happens to be the mother of an ex of yours.

AnyFucker · 13/05/2012 22:09

he is in a "mood" with you ?

childish twat

Original poster
ithastobeNAICEham · 13/05/2012 22:09

Sorry AF xposted!

I told him about her as he was wondering why I had a 50 something year old woman visiting me and how I knew her, I told him and he was ok last year. I'm confused as to why he is bothered now!

OP posts:
tribpot · 13/05/2012 22:10

What looks bad? Why would she bring your ex to see you, how odd Confused

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 13/05/2012 22:10

He is "bothered" because he is a controlling twat. Is my guess.

Bumblefeck · 13/05/2012 22:12

He's in a mood?

Is he up past his bedtime on a school night?

Tell him to grow up while he's getting a grip

AnyFucker · 13/05/2012 22:12

he is bothered because now he has you pregnant he doesn't need to keep up the pretence of "nice guy" ?

just a thought

Yama · 13/05/2012 22:12

I can't see that you have done anything wrong either. I can't abide huffy people.

LoopyLoopsTootTootToots · 13/05/2012 22:12

My ex's mother is a friend of mine, she was here last week and will be again next week. Grownups maintain relationships they like, regardless of who the friends ma be related to. He is being unreasonable and quite immature.

Original poster
ithastobeNAICEham · 13/05/2012 22:12

oh very much so, slammed a couple of doors and everything! Storming off to "walk the dog" when the dog was quite happy in her little hiding place and didn't want to move!

If it was a recent relationship then maybe I could understand but me and my ex seperated 10 yrs ago this summer! Wtaf?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/05/2012 22:16

you are not going to give in to the sulks about this are you ?

tell us you are not

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 13/05/2012 22:17

Slammed doors too? Nice.

What's going to happen when he returns from walking the dog, NAICE? Business as usual where he gets to pretend nothing happened? Or continued moodiness until you apologise for doing nothing wrong? Or...? How do you intend to react to his piss-poor behaviour?

squeakytoy · 13/05/2012 22:20

the relationship broke up ten years ago, your daughter is 7, and has therefore known this woman all of her life...

she isnt even really an ex-mil, she is just a family friend now, and there is no reason why she should not remain so, your partner is being ridiculous

Original poster
ithastobeNAICEham · 13/05/2012 22:21

I think he is just being childish on this one!

OP posts:
EverybodysSleepyEyed · 13/05/2012 22:23

Does your DD still see her Dad? If so, how does your DP feel about him maybe seeing the new baby?

Seems odd as I'm guessing your ex of 10 years has shown no interest in you or your daughter so why would he want to meet your new baby

Original poster
ithastobeNAICEham · 13/05/2012 22:24

AF I assure you there is bo way I would change my mind!! She is coming to see us and that's final, he has no say in that, he just has to be civil and smile politly!!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/05/2012 22:25

good girl !

squeakytoy · 13/05/2012 22:25

I would just tell him if he doesnt like it, then to feck off out of the house when she visits.

I imagine your ex has moved on in life in the last decade too, and even if he were to accompany his mother on a visit... so what.. if you had wanted to get back with him, you have had ten years to do it, so highly unlikely to still be hankering after him now, which is what this boils down to. jealousy and insecurity.

ChippingIn · 13/05/2012 22:29

You have done nothing wrong.

He, however, needs to take a long hard look at his attitude - if he wont, then maybe you need to and maybe you need to revert to him 'not living there' Hmm

In what other ways is he controlling?