The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

alias I'm feeling a bit like you today. I am this close to walking half an hour to the local shop to buy wine (and paying a £1 surcharge for using my card because I have no cash) Today is my hardest day so far. I'm not going to do it, I'm going to post crap here (sorry everyone) until the craving has eased and I have to leave for the school run. I have just painted my toenails (can't do finger nails because I have bitten them all off ).

Katie I was disappointed with the lack of boing moments. They are coming slowly but surely (not right now obviously) but do you know what I think it is? Alcohol gives you a real high or a real low so we expect our sober days to follow those extremes, but they don't. And that is a good thing, I think the true boing moments come from feeling more level maybe?

I don't know, I might be spouting crap. Just doing anything to stop myself from going to the shop.

keep posting joey and truth - it really doesn't matter whether you are posting wonderful insights or whether it is a stream of rubbish. Don't spoil this lovely day with alcohol - the sun is shining, it's warm, the birds are singing, it's just perfect as it is - no need for blocking anything out (unless you're using sunscreen) and no need to enhance anything - just enjoy.

You can sit in the garden with your feet up, with a ginger ale and lime.

venus thank you so much, I need to feel positive!

I know I won't give in, but don't want to feel miserable and resentful.

Will definitely try the 3 minute rule SAF:) might have to make it a 5 minute one though!

Obrigada sorry I meant me being reactive - not you! I wasn't very clear. I'd been reading the posts about responding rather than reacting earlier and found them useful as I'm incredibly fucking irritable reactive at the moment and can't seem to find that pause. I was answering your question 'how is everyone' by saying I am feeling reactive - just didn't answer it very clearly!

Joey! I'm feeling a bit better today thanks. Don't give in to the demon craving - find something else to enjoy in the garden!

More later, off to the park to walk the kids dog.

joey apologies for the lecture but you don't need to feel anything. we feel what we feel and it passes. the belief we need to change our feelings is, imo, one of the roots of drinking problems - stick a mood altering substance in because i'm emotionally incompetent and can't deal with feeling something. know what i mean? you're getting to the root of it.

honestly - feelings don't kill us nor do they last nor do they need medicating - you'll be fine x

i've just ordered a trampoline for the garden. theory being it will be great fun for ds and a comfy place to read for me it has a net enclosure so i can also sunbathe in there without feeling peered at by geriatrics.

My experience is that if you sit around waiting for the boing it might not come. It's only when you forget about it and just get on with being busy that it sneaks up on you

I too would love to sit in the garden with a chilled white wine and enjoy the sunshine, but that's not gong to happen. Any more than I can fly out this evening to some exotic location, or win the lottery, or be instantly thinner or any of the other 'I wants'

And why am I not going to drink? Because I recognise that it's just an association (sunshine = wine) and not a need. I am making new associations now, (sunshine = chilled soda, dash of lime, slice of lemon, glass of ice) because I also know that sunshine + wine = hangover.

Saf we have a trampoline and it's been one of the best buys ever. My dcs have used it loads, we had a new mat for it last year because they wore the old one out . Not as peaceful as you might imagine though, they are noisy things but will keep your ds occupied I'm sure.

Venus sound advice there to Isinde

Should have posted earlier when I felt far more boingy and energetic and now am just flat and feel like sleeping and sleeping....But some great posts, Truth yours resonated so much, how being sober is all just sort of the same and we need to readjust and not expect the amazing highs and utterly crushing lows.

I've been out with my bestest friend in the whole world today, we don't see eachother that often, and then came home to a grumpy pre-teen. I don't even have much of a craving for booze at the moment so the antabuse seems to be doing something, but there's def a great big hole that needs filling up with something nourishing and lasting. OMG, am spouting a load of self-indulgent piffle, sorry girls :(

I'm very glad though that I've had 5 sober days and know that these will continue. Sorry not to name-check, just don't have the energy, but love to you all xx

Actually I think alcohol dulled my senses. I stopped feeling all the natural highs in life when I began wallowing in a self induced drunken stupor most evenings.

It really is a wonderful world out there and drinking stopped me getting out and enjoying it. I feel much more alive now

I love to throw the windows open, put some music on and dance around the house. Or walk along the beach in the evening with the sun warming my shoulders. It's the little natural pleasures in life that give me a real high now.

Hi Babes I just popped in to lurk at you all Faire i love your post, i so agree with you about the little natural pleasures, your posts always make me nod madly, I guess we agree then! Isindie for what its worth, I think that not drinking is one of the best things I have ever done. There are countless occasions that I would love to go back and do again sober. Your wedding day should be a precious memory, for you to cherish, why not decide to give yourself the gift of that memory with clarity and a happy heart.I'm crap at advice but I have given it my best shot. Will probably have to lay down after that.

Soma I feel very flat at the moment too - struggling to to find any little natural pleasures. Feel very trapped and meh about everything. I am sure it will pass. I am glad I didn't go to the shop but for a few minutes I really thought I was going to cave. I understand the gaping hole - what to fill it up with though? Glad the antabuse is working, wow is it 5 days already? You are doing so well. You should be very proud of yourself. x

Faire Isn't it weird how alcohol affects us in such different ways? I would say it definitely heightened my senses but then maybe when I have been sober for a bit longer maybe I will look back and find this is just a blip and it wasn't the case at all. I hope so!

I'm in a very can't be arsed mood at the moment. The days just seem to stretch out in front of me without any focus. Bath and early night for me this evening I think, and I'll get lost in a good book.

Tomorrow is another day, and for the 23rd day I will not be drinking

Hope the Babes have a good day

xx

Thanks Truth and so proud of you for not caving earlier. 23 days is fantastic and bath, bed and book sounds like a very good idea to me too. x

well done truth and Soma you are doing so well, have you tried Belvoirs raspberry lemonade it is lush for a summer evening.

Isindie I think you should research your soft drinks for your wedding day in the same way as you would your wine. Buy loads of different bottles of drink to sample in the next few weeks - M & S do some lovely great british flavours and there are some really delicious juices and cordials here that you could mix with sparkling water. The when you have made your choice have an ice bucket on your table at your do and put someone in charge of making sure it is always topped up.

Evening, tis me, mouse

What a glorious day!!! Oh I feel fab fab fab

Nemo and I were up, showered, dressed, then out nice and early, sorted all my post, returns, parcels etc and then we went to the park, after to the ducks and then home for lunch.

Then we went off to the Praise and Play session at the church where Nemo is going to be Baptised. For those who remember my drama with my sister expecting everyone to accommodate her and her four kids, it would appear that she is unable to get there and my lovely father has at long last put his foot down and (against my mother's wishes), said that he is not going to help her.

Is it very wrong and very bad of me to be pleased that he's finally stopped being herTaxi-On-Demand?

venus - mwah xx

Saf - what interview? Did I miss that?

IsinDe - I really feel for you lovely lady. I have to say that you are an amazingly forgiving person, and that your parents don't deserve that given the hurt and pain they have caused you both over the last two years xx

Truth - keep fighting. xx

I hope that you are all okay, sorry not to name check everyone.

Silver - I'm hoping that wherever you are, you are safe and have DP and DD to support you xx.

Time for me to get the washing in, make a cuppa and wait for my CSI fix.

Be back tomorrow lovely Babes xx

thank you venus I'm afraid I won't be posting any insightful wisdom, most of my posts are just 'be brave, girls', 'good luck' etc! I don't have any useful advice to pass on...

saf thats interesting what you say about feelings.. I suppose what I meant was that if I didn't find one reason to be happy with what I'm doing, the next 2 weeks are going to be miserable - and at the end of it, I'll give up and go back to the bottle.

I don't know how to deal with the fact that I'm grumpy and tired. oh! except NOT drink - is that a revelation?! Have I got it?!!

DH has said I look fed up and 'pallid' (??) also covered in spots.

Venus how are we so lucky to have you.
You are wonderful and your post to Isindie was quite beautiful.
Isindie - much love. You deserve it all.
Please do what feels good for YOU. Its your day to celebrate being in love with your DP.
It will be beautiful. x

Joey I just wanted to say that I totally understand about not feeling better for not drinking - I didn't either and I just wanted to stamp my feet and yell 'it's not fucking fair! I'm being a good girl and not drinking so why do I feel like seven kinds of shit with a stinking headache and dreadful skin and exhausted all the time?!'. I think I needed to give it longer though rather than throwing my hands in the air and saying 'well that didn't work, might as well drink then'.

I've managed my two AFDs though, which is more than I was managing before I joined the bus. Today I felt a bit of boing, after a shaky start, and... wait for it... I didn't think about having a drink today! It just wasn't an issue, even though the sunshine is usually a lovely excuse to crack open the white. Tomorrow and Thursday I'm just going to have a small glass with dinner.

saf I'm very of your productivity. I'm hoping to get a little of that when DD is away next week. I like your 'removing yourself for three minutes' emergency measure - I'm going to try that with DD.

I agree with blanket - venus you are a very wise and wonderful woman.

Soma 5 sober days and more to come. Get plenty of rest and be kind to yourself lovely one. x

Mouse glad you've had such a great day! The sunshine makes such a difference, doesn't it.

Waves goodnight to all the Brave Babes.

Hello babes. It's been a glorious day :)

Mouse I love love love reading your opening line. "tis me mouse" It gives me a warm feeling every time.

Mia I too feel short-changed by virtue. Look, here I am being flipping good and what happens? Do I look ten years younger? Nope. Do I feel ten years younger? Nope. I look and feel just the same.

Soma Did you change to taking the Antabuse at night? Did it help with the sleepiness?

Alias Noo, don't give up. Take lots of vitamin B. That and the sunshine will help the pallidness.

Have a lovely day tomorrow Babes one and all

yeah - good idea to use it with dd - just literally say i need to go to toilet and shut yourself in the bathroom for 3 minutes - maybe have something to read in there that calms you.

alias - if you're feeling like crap how would drinking help that? is it medicine? is it health boosting or vitalising? is it known for curing depression and fatigue? i think it's the obsessing over alcohol that is exhausting and cranky making. try not to let yourself think about it - 'i've already decided i'm not drinking so there is no point thinking about that as it just wears me out and makes me grumpy' and do something to distract yourself. fill your head when it starts - read, do a puzzle, do exercise, throw yourself into the task you're doing at work, meditate - whatever. you can do this if you want to. it's your head - you drive.

i was awake pre-5am this morning for some reason - finally gave in at 5 and got up.

isinde - are you ok? i'm a bit paranoid that what i said upset you.

happy hump day bbs

Morning all,

No wine again last night which makes today the start of day 8.

Thank you to everyone who posts here, the good, the bad and the ugly. It really helps to realise I'm not on my own.

saf I love 'it's your head - you drive' works for me on so many levels. At the moment I'm really aware that I'm breaking the habit of wine drinking and have not had to deal with the emotional issues which led me to it. But, I have a choice in how I react and which direction I take.

Hope you all have fabulous days and get to enjoy the fantastic weather
x

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Today I shall mostly be saying to myself, you can do this if you want to. it's your head - you drive.

5am you say Saf? You're not alone in that! I managed to doze for a bit and then Nemo woke so we got up. It's a glorious morning here again so day two for a floaty maxi dress

We're going swimming later and then off into town to sort some returns and buy Nemo some t-shirts. He seems to have outgrown them all! Which is a great thing because it means he's growing.

DD has more exams today, poor thing. Apparently, the thinking about them doing GCSE exams at this stage, is to stagger them, with the added advantage that if the pupil fails, they can re-sit before the deadline.......

DH is DIYing like mad, work is quiet so I've got him nice and busy sorting the cabin's bedroom, the bathroom, kitchen etc.... the house is looking so nice. Maybe the stress of my fuckwit builder was worth it................... Nope, I take that back

HR - Thank you Give it time re the feeling better. I'm not off the sauce totally but my friend told me last week that my skin was amazing even with no make-up on which I have to say made me for ages! It is worth it. I promise. xx

Saf - that '3 minute time out' is about to go into practise here. Nemo is finding some situations extremely hard to articulate and gets so frustrated he starts to hit. We have spells of him hitting and spells of him not.

I have to admit that I hate it when he hits and really struggle to deal with it. I seem to make it all about me and feel like I'm letting him down by not knowing what to do to stop him.

I'm thinking that the time out will help me to collect my thoughts and think of a better way to help him other than burst into tears and feel utterly useless when he starts to be that boy.

IsinDe - how long is it until your wedding? Have you got everything sorted? xx

Katie - well done! You've nailed a whole week! I bet you never thought you would? How do you feel physically? xx

Blanket - how are you feeling? xx

Truth and Soma - keep going, you're both kicking ass! xx

Mia - you sound so much better. You sound more positive and in control, long may it last xx

Sorry not to name check everyone, have a fantastic day Babes, stay Brave xx

I woke up feeling happy this morning! That never happens! Ever!

And that's despite a night of sweaty and disturbed sleep. Poor DP has suddenly gone down with a stinking cold - his second in the last few weeks, despite the fact that he usually has a superhuman immune system and hasn't even been registered with a GP in the seven years I've known him. He slept in the spare room last night in the hope that I wouldn't catch it just in time for the weekend. I think I'm already fighting it off though - hence the sweating (since the more obvious explanation, a bottle of wine, doesn't apply).

Anyway hoping I won't catch it because we're having a night away at the weekend, which I'm very excited about. Friday is the day we should've been getting married, and Saturday is my birthday. Had been intending to determinedly not celebrate this year but DD was insisting on wanting to be here with me rather than going to my parents' on Friday. Bless her - she suggested we 'cheer me up' by having a disco in the loft room with all her friends. When I said that sounded a little more suited to cheering her up than me, she said 'well you can have a dance mummy!'. My friend suggested we have a pub lunch after dog-walking on Friday, and then we were intending to meet my parents half way to Herefordshire to hand over DD on Sunday. It's such a good weather forecast that I thought it would be nice to take her all the way up there and chill for a bit at their house. We used to stay there regularly but we can't any more because taking the dog into the house would traumatise their three legged killing machine cat. Since then we've gone up once a year and stayed at a really fanbloodytastic pub with rooms. It's expensive but hey - it's my birthday and I'm not getting married! The food is spectacular so it will be an evening of complete and utter gluttony. It'll be lovely to visit my parents' place too, they live in a tenant cottage on an agricultural/shooting estate and the position is really idyllic - surrounded by fields and woods. DD gets to live the life of a child a generation ago when she's there, wandering the estate and dabbling in the stream and helping with the sheep without worrying about traffic, abduction, all the things that modern parents worry about.

Ooh what an essay! DD is still asleep, she's in the time frame of being at her dad's; late nights late mornings. Oh well. My dragonfly nymphs are poking their heads out of the water and breathing air now, so I'm very excited that they're about to emerge. Yesterday I watched one that was half way out of the water for half an hour while it did... absolutely nothing. You have to be patient with this nature stuff, which is not my natural state of mind.

Well done Katie on day 8!

saf it really is about finding that moment to pause and not snapping at her. Today I will find the pause!

hopefully it's a bugger, isn't it. Isn't there a saying about virtue being its own reward, or something?

Cross-posted with lovely Mouse. I do feel much more positive. The weather helps, I think, and maybe I've adjusted a bit to the lower dose of ADs. I was about to go to the GP and ask for a review, but maybe I'll leave it a little longer.

I'm going to make hay (my blog) while the sun shines (the child sleeps) and tinker with my pictures over a second cup of tea now. Happy day everyone xx

You sound great Mia, you really do. You're like a different Babe than the one we met a few weeks back. It's lovely to see. xx

I am really going now. Bye for now xx