Harmless flirting or emtional affair?? What to do?

[Salbertina]

DP and I not getting on, lots of upheaval, no sex in 1.5 yrs (!) but we have the dc and are overseas so been muddling along. Last week I found Facebook messages between him and mum of kid in my eldest's class (keeping it close to home, nice..)

Basically starts off v chatty then quickly becomes up to 8 messages a night ( v late too) about how they have v similar likes/ how they don't know each other but feel this affinity and bond..then risques jokes such as on being bound up.. Lots of mutual comPliments and things like we all need to be loved.

. Finally dp offering "chocs and wine" as a thank you/reward for something.

He has met this woman 2x only, she is not a friend. Only been at this school for 3 months. She is single and v v attractive and younger than me, damn her! He is not specially attractive and is married.

I challenged him indirectly and after a good while he volunteered info on this but said meant nothinh, just friends blah, blah.

Ive taken off to decamp at a friends as feel betrayed and v upset. Am I over-reacting or have I been naive?

Bump pls help . I've got none here I can talk to and am a lLong way from home

I realise that sound rather pathetic. Need to grow a pair but am feeling stupidly pathetic right now, friend not here so no one to make sense of it

I get you.
It's the start of something

Think moving out is a bit OTT

I'd do some more research.

Wow- not over reacting at all!

I'm no expert but didn't want you to feel alone!

Sounds like he's being a tosser. She might just be enjoying the attention but not taking it seriously. He might think he's in with a chance and rather than confronting issues at home (hard work) he prefers to feel wanted by someone he barely knows but fits in a little fantasy life (not hard work).

Thanks everyone esp for tosser comment, cheered me up!
Not moved out, decamped for the night to think straight and make him stew a little, petty I know. I've rather blown my cover so if he
Does carry on, sure he' ll change access etc and I really don't want to resort to snooping again, only by chance I found this as he hadn't logged off.

And I'm sure she's not taking it seriously but clearly has no qualms about going this then saving me on the school run every day!
She has a checkered relationship history from what I've heard. I think they are both vulnerable and
Could have/can take further still. I just needed to hear from other women that I'm not overreacting. He is saying I'm blowing a course of messages out of proportion and that it's just a friendship. I think he gas not respected our marriage boundaries

Bloody autocorrect, makes little
sense, sorry

I'm not an expert either, but I would be very hurt and upset by that. Whether I moved him out or not would depend entirely on his reaction.

Personally I would be very concerned if my husband actively took steps to deny me access to his Facebook account. I don't ever go on it, but I could if I wanted and he could do likewise with me.

His reaction was an eventual apology w lots of anger st me for blowing it out of proportion. My view is that he was caught and as such
Is sorry but would have carried on otherwise!

I actually feel like asking him to leave for a few days tho I think
He will refuse, don't see how I can enforce ( not inUk)

You are definitely NOT overreacting.

www.shirleyglass.com/quizonline.php

Thx will check that ( tho fear to) . Feel
Stuck am on spousal visa e right to remain only thro him therefore rental in his name

What have other people done in similar situation? Really don't know what to do..

Is there a women's aid helpline or similar where you live? They can be really knowledgeable about rights surrounding visas and stuff, because they know it puts women in a very vulnerable position.

I live in a developing country, don't think I'll be top priority. Am foreigner, back of queue. Dh not abusive but v v stubborn and wasn't leave because of kids ( not me)

What I meant was that they may be able to advise your rights and options so you are better informed when you make whatever decision you make.

Looks like it's time for you and DH to discuss where the two of you are going. No sex for a year and a half...something ain't right!!!Think you are both in need of some attention..I am no counsellor..hopefully someone who is can give you advice on how to work out what the problems are?

Thanks guys. Yes, there's lots wrong..staying together for the kids

Staying together "for the kids" is rarely a good idea.

Yes I know but am old fashioned and
Somehow have always hoped things could improve. Just spoke to him/ he's still denying fancies her, no reassurances he loves me. V and fighting urge to call again ( he hasn't bothered to call me)