DH is addicted to messaging women, webcam sex, sexting, facebook. dating sites!

[horribleoldbag]

Hello. Please be gentle with me. My title of post sums things up in a nutshell really. This has been going on for years! In fact the woman he was with for 5 years, his ex asked him to stop. I know because he told me this. He also told me she too snooped on him, hacked into his accounts to see how bad things were etc. She left him in the end. They lived in his flat.

I guess im posting because im in despair. I can't handle it anymore, im beyond depressed! I guess im looking for light at the end of the tunnel. Would love to hear from others stories? We have big dramatic rows about it, nothing gets resolved!

We have a baby and im a sahm. He works nights. We do not have a joint bank account. He does online banking, I do not have access to this.

Im sad because this is the only issue in our relationship. Im thinking if he can't stop all this fantasy stuff then I have no option but to divorce him?!

I feel he has badly let me down, I feel such a failure even though I know in my head he has to WANT to stop!

You mean, the only issue in your relationship is that he is actively pursuing s relationship with other women, is completely disrespectful and unfaithful, lies and abuses you financially by withholding access to money.

Why on earth are you staying with him? You deserve so much better than this.

Do you have children together?

Is he meeting up with these women?

I second Littlefish. The only issue in your relationship is the fact he's not actually in it as far as I can tell. He sounds dreadful, OP.

Yes, your right he lies all the time to cover his tracks. He doesn't respect me either or why would he do all this?

I do have his bank card to go spending with, lol, as im the one who goes shopping for food, clothes, baby stuff etc.

Im starting to wonder why am I putting up with this shit? He has worn me down, sapped all the energy to fight!

Just to clarify, as far as I know he hasn't met the women. He cleverly chats to ones who live miles away, overseas etc so he "doesn't shit on his own doorstep". But just cause he isn't having real sex with them doesn't make it anyless painful. It cuts like a knife in my heart!

And presumably if it isn't cheating, he'd have no objections to you doing the same?!

Whether he meets them or not, he is still being unfaithful to you.

So sorry that you are going through this OP. Yes, it's cheating, even if he hasn't met any of them in person. He doesn't love you, he doesn't care what you think or feel, he doesn't respect you. There is nothing there to make a relationship out of.

You need to make an appointment to see a solicitor and find out where you stand.

His addiction like I said has been going on a long time. He must get a buzz out of it?

Has anyone else gone through this? He needs help, he really does! Professional help!

If he would only stop doing this, the sneaky emails, secrets, lies then we would be happy, I would be happy!

I just want him to stop! Thats all!

Whether or not he needs professional help is beside the point. You really need to stop considering him, and start concentrating on yourself and your own needs.

Oh sweetie, he isn't going to stop. You do know that, don't you.

Oh this is so sad.

Do you have any RL people around -family and stuff?

I just think this must be destroying you. Are you quite young? Your post sounds quite young but I may be wrong! Thing is you don't know if it's an addiction or if he's just no good. I feel for you.

It is a real addiction and the stakes will get higher and higher for him to get his "fix".

Unless he wants to stop and get help it will only get "worse"

I'd get out instead of wasting your life with him

The 'only issue' in your relationship? It's a pretty bloody massive issue though isn't it? I could not tolerate this. I realise most men are fascinated by porn to some extent but this level of obsession and actual interactivity would be more than I could ever live with. You self esteem must be through the floor by now. You really need to leave. I don't think he can change. I am sorry.

You sound as if you have spoken very openly with him about all of this. Does he express any shame, pain, remorse when you tell him how you feel? How come you have rows about it? Have you tried laying down lines or dealbreakers? He sounds selfish beyond belief I'm afraid?

He's not going to stop. He didn't stop for his ex and he's not gong to stop for you.

Why? Because he doesn't want to, he wants to have his cake and eat it.

Is he genuinely addicted? I don't know. But you can't make an addict stop, they have to want to. And he shows no signs of wanting to.

If you feel he needs a final chance to stop, tell him you are going to see a solicitor about divorce, and the grounds will be his unreasonable behaviour, which will be spelt out in their full details. But if you give an ultimatum, you have to be prepared to go through with it. Good luck.

addiction?
I am sorry but no, I dont think its an addiction.
I think he wants to do and so does it..

It sounds like his ex gave him an ultimatum and he chose to carry on.

I am sorry. It must be horrible for you right now.

I hope you get all the good advice and support you need.

I can't see this situation changing on his side, he has made it pretty clear to his ex and you that he has no intention of changing.

You should ditch him, and find someone who deserves you.

get rid of your broadband

Porn addiction is also his problem. For the record I don't have a problem with this. My self esteem is at rock bottom. He says he loves me but I guess his addiction is stronger than his love for me.

Over a year ago I felt so low I thought about taking an overdose! The only reason I didn't was my baby!

I blame myself for not being stronger years ago when we were dating, I turned a blind eye to it then. Naively, I thought he would stop when we married and had baby etc. To my horror my nightmare continues on. Its like a ghost that haunts me.

It never goes away!

I'm in a similar situation. I've been with my partner 3 years next week and virtually since the beginning he's been messing around on dating sites, chat sites, Webcam sex sites etc. I'm at the point where i'm never shocked, surprised or even angry. I'm just so disappointed. Every time he says he'll stop but surprise surprise I find more evidence. I told him yesterday that I'd finally had enough. Lets hope I don't buckle... Nah, I think I mean it this time :o

Op I think you know what you need to do. I know how hard it is but I really hope you have the courage and strength to get out of this awful relationship. He isn't going to change. He knows how devastated you are yet he still does it (this is my daily mantra now)

Do you want your baby to grow up thinking this is normal? Would you be ok if your child was in a relationship like yours? What would you be saying to them?

I wouldn't think of it as an addiction - is that what he calls it? It's just an excusing word for shit behaviour that he chooses not to stop. It makes you feel like if you/he could just 'beat the problem' it would all be fine. I think you're deluding yourself if you think it's that simple.

I blame myself for not being stronger years ago when we were dating

Please do not blame yourself. This has nothing to do with you, it's his problem. He would be like this if he was with someone else or even if he was single. It doesn't really matter whether it's an addiction or a choice, he will not change unless he wants to.

You cannot change his behaviour, he knows exactly what he is doing and what it is doing to your relationship. He doesn't care.

You can be so happy without all this stress. Your confidence will come back and eventually you will find someone who deserves you and treats you well.