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Original poster

Would you trust your partner to have the snip?

68 replies

needsomesunshine · 05/05/2012 08:24

We have 4 ds'. I am 'accidentally' pregnant with the 5th. It's either he gets the snip or I get sterilised. He has been mulling it over for over a year, finally said he would. Has been to the dr& now has a referral but keeps putting it off. He started a new job & says its the wrong time to be off. I think it's the ideal time now I am pregnant to get it sorted. I know he's scared & I think this is just another excuse. Any else been through this?

OP posts:
DinahMoHum · 05/05/2012 08:35

i tried to get dp to have the snip and he was absolutely fine about it, but he never bloody arranges anything, it was all about me phoning and sorting out, which while i dont mind for some things, i felt it was a bit personal so i decided to get sterilised myself and its been fine, im glad it was me now tbh, psychologically i prefer it. Absolutely no problems at all

insancerre · 05/05/2012 08:44

Yes but it has to be his decision.
DH has had it done, because he is absolutely sure that was what he wanted to do. He did it because I was having problems with high blood pressure and had to stop taking the pill.
Incidently, I now have a mirena coil, for heavy bleeding and anemia. Have you considered this option?

DressDownFriday · 05/05/2012 08:48

My dh had his appointment for the snip at 6pm and was back at work the next day. No time off work required - just a few pain killers.

Original poster
needsomesunshine · 05/05/2012 11:44

I was on the coil, it got stuck & had to be surgically removedSad Hence why I'm now pregnant again- we were using condoms. I think me getting sterilised might be the way forward. Both of us need to take responsibility. But it seems, like everything else, it's going to be down to me again.

OP posts:
blondiep14 · 05/05/2012 11:48

I am pregnant with #3 and DH has always said he'd never have the snip. He seems to be coming around to the idea now!
We always wanted a big family and said we will give it another year or two before we say no more forever (just in case we win the lottery!)And then he will have it done.
Practically I will probably have to arrange the appointments etc as I usually do.

pebblestack · 05/05/2012 12:52

If it's just fear of the op, he needs to research it. Discuss it with your doctor, read up on it online etc. It's really not that bad (compared to, say, childbirthWink)

If he really wants it done, he needs to have at least some role in organising it.

ByTheSea · 05/05/2012 12:53

Yes and he did.

Yama · 05/05/2012 12:59

Yes, he only needed one day off work. He was uncomfortable for a few days but we are both so glad that he had it done. So glad.

HandMadeTail · 05/05/2012 13:03

Actually, after DC3 came along accidentally, he was quite proactive about it. But I think he was asked by the GP to wait until DC3 was 1yo before making a final decision.

Incidentally, insancerre, I fell pregnant with DC3 on the Mirena coil. Although, I do agree lack of periods for those coil years was lovely.

NotSureICanCarryOn · 05/05/2012 13:23

Yes, DP didn't need any day off work. It was done in an afternoon, no pain that a couple of paracetamol couldn't care of.

I had to put some pressure on him to have it done and give him a bit of time to get his head around it but within a year it was done.

Sterilization on the other hand IS a real surgical procedure. You would be unable to do anything for a long time, which when you have 5 dcs isn't the best idea ever, unless he is planning to get at least a week off to look after the dcs whilst you recover.

You might want to have a look carefully at what is involved with sterilization. It isn't easy and having the snip looks like a walk in park compare to it.

MushroomSoup · 05/05/2012 13:26

I have 4 DC followed by a traumatic miscarriage and we decided enough was enough but DH was adamant he wouldnt have the snip so i had a coil fitted. I then found out I had cancer and had 6 months of treatment followed by a shock pregnancy (coil had bloody vanished!) that I had to terminate for medical reasons. I was an absolute mess at this point and was petrified of having sex in case it happened again and i didnt trust any form of birth control. II begged my GP in floods of tears to sterilise me; he wouldn't because he didn't want me to make such a big decision at a time of crisis. DH still did not want the snip until I refused point blank (and quite hysterically!) to ever have sex with him again.
He then saw the error of his ways, got it done and we are livin'g happily ever after!

itchywitch · 05/05/2012 14:02

Shock at Mushroomsoup. You went through all that and it took the threat of no sex for him to do it?

piellabakewell · 05/05/2012 14:16

I had a laparoscopic sterilisation on the nhs 6 years ago. I was sore the following day and then absolutely fine after that. It is more involved than male sterilisation, but not bad. Obviously you will need to wait until you are not pregnant!

paulapantsdown · 05/05/2012 14:20

bloody hell mushroom, I agree with itchy - you had a miscarriage, cancer, unplanned pregnancy and a termination, and it was only when you threatened him with no sex did your husband agree to a five minute minor surgery Shock

he sounds nice

diddl · 05/05/2012 14:27

Yes, of course.

He decided to get it done & made the arrangements himself.

MushroomSoup · 05/05/2012 15:07

Lol at all the outrage! DH is a wonderful, caring man actually and was never unreasonable. He had never wanted a vasectomy when we talked about it in a general sense and I was happy to use a coil as I had for most of my life. As soon as the shit hit the fan and I couldn't cope with an alternative he was there like a shot! It must have been the way I wrote it that made him sound a twat. He's adorable!!

MushroomSoup · 05/05/2012 15:08

And it wasn't a minor surgery for him, there were many complications - testicular cysts for one - so he was off work for some time.

iwantbrie · 05/05/2012 15:12

DH is terrified of the thought of any type of surgery but when I got pg with DC3 he suddenly came round to the idea. He'd only just started his new job when he got his appointment through but his boss was fine with it (in fact he gave him quite a few useful tips for dealing with it!), he had one day off and it took him longer to get to the hospital than the actual procedure took!
My doctor won't even consider sterilization unless there is a medical need for it as it's a more complex procedure and the recoevery time is longer.

WineGoggles · 05/05/2012 15:30

No experience with vasectomy but I was sterilised many years ago. It involved a general anesthetic, keyhole surgery, a week off work and a further week not being able to do anything too much that involved my stomach muscles (and you'd be surprised how often you use them...I had trouble opening a stiff drawer!)

WizardofOs · 05/05/2012 16:19

It is not always as an easy operation as it is made out to be. My DH had an horrendus experience and is still experiencing pain 2 years later - and it could not be completed either so was useless! Not saying this is common but it is more common that you might think but no one seems to talk about it.

Not that I would try and put your DH off in your circumstances though!

VolkswagenBeetle · 05/05/2012 16:27

DH had it done in February. Got the date for the procedure less than 2 weeks after he went to see the GP about it Shock. He was a little tender afterwards and took a few days off but then was fine. TBH I was very surprised he decided to have it done out of the blue after he'd said for years that he never would.

surroundedbyblondes · 05/05/2012 16:33

We discussed and DH agreed it was the fair thing to do. I have been pregnant three times, given birth twice and breast fed. It felt that it was 'his turn'. He was fine about it. I really appreciate that he did this as I didn't want to continue for years on hormonal contraception and we both agree our family is complete.

Original poster
needsomesunshine · 05/05/2012 17:43

Thanks everyone. Ive spoken to him & said I'd get sterilised. He is adamant I should not & said he is going to get it done. I think he's just building himself up to it. He did say he is adamant that he does not want anymore as we wouldn't be able to fit them in the carGrin
Will just have to give him some more time. But once I've had this one, he's not going anywhere near me until it's done. I've got to be stronger this timeSmile

OP posts:
lazarusb · 05/05/2012 17:57

Dh has always been anti-vasectomy so we have used condoms for the last year. A couple of months ago I had to use the MAP and I reacted unexpectedly badly to it. That was enough for dh to see the GP and he has an appointment in the next month for the pre-vasectomy chat at the hospital.

Hope your dh does take the opportunity to get this sorted soon once and for all.

balotelli · 05/05/2012 18:03

I had it done 3 years ago. From seeing GP to op was 3 weeks, would have been sooner but I wanted a friday appt. All done and dusted in 25 mins and walked to Starbucks then home. Purple plums for two weeks but other than that no problems no pain. Was back running 10k within a week and I was 45 so no spring chicken.
It really is a doddle bbut most men are big babies and scared of another man playing with their crown jewels whilst they are wide awake, didnt help having a stunningly attractive nurse assisting him with all my bits on display.
If he was a real man he would just get off his arse and sort it out.
Real men fire blanks!!