Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you trust your partner to have the snip?

68 replies

needsomesunshine · 05/05/2012 08:24

We have 4 ds'. I am 'accidentally' pregnant with the 5th. It's either he gets the snip or I get sterilised. He has been mulling it over for over a year, finally said he would. Has been to the dr& now has a referral but keeps putting it off. He started a new job & says its the wrong time to be off. I think it's the ideal time now I am pregnant to get it sorted. I know he's scared & I think this is just another excuse. Any else been through this?

OP posts:
Original poster
needsomesunshine · 05/05/2012 18:47

Grinbalotelli
I'd love to show him what you've said but he'd go mad if he knew I was discussing it on mumsnetSmile

OP posts:
scaevola · 05/05/2012 18:57

Sorry to raise this angle, but is it possible that he wants to delay until you know this pregnancy has a happy outcome?

smokeybacon · 05/05/2012 19:07

Our GPs in my area won't do the Op if the man's partner is pregnant...I was practically frogmarch ing Dh there whilst expecting numbers 3 and 4 (twins) but knew the GP would not agree so he willingly went when they were 6 weeks old.

Original poster
needsomesunshine · 05/05/2012 19:30

Hmmscaevola
Someone else private msged me saying that's why they didn't. I wouldn't have a child to replace another one.

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 05/05/2012 19:34

DH offered to have the snip as we have countless children, but I thought I would not fancy him in quite the same way if he had done that to himself. Wierd, because I definitely don't want any more DCs.

scaevola · 05/05/2012 19:47

A sixth child would never be a replacement for your fifth, any more you had your fourth child because of anything to do with your third.

I really did not mean to suggest anything of e sort. Only that your thoughts on your family may change in light of events. But that is indeed private between you and your DH, and we do not know his feelings on that though I hope you do or will consider finding out.

Original poster
needsomesunshine · 05/05/2012 21:49

But not really the best time to bring it up scaevola as I didn't mention that possibility & as I said I am currently 25 weeks. Don't need to be thinking about the loss of a child.

OP posts:
WhereMyMilk · 05/05/2012 22:26

DH has talked to one of his urology colleagues about this (is a doctor) and was told by the guy who does vasectomies for a living, that he wouldn't have it doneShock Apparently over 30% have long term(as in forever) ball pain. DH does not want to do it now :(

somewheresomehow · 05/05/2012 22:28

no i would not,
i got 'done' instead :P

Original poster
needsomesunshine · 05/05/2012 22:38

Wheremymilk- made me think. Every operation has some risks but 30%. I would feel bad about the constant reminder

OP posts:
scaevola · 06/05/2012 07:55

I'm sorry that you did not welcome the comment, which from your comment about also receiving a PM suggests I was not alone in thinking.

But in OP you said you thought it was the ideal time. I though it worth pointing out that there are aspects which might lead someone to conclude totally reasonably that it was extremely bad time.

aurynne · 06/05/2012 08:13

I am amazed that so many of you women get denied a sterilisation while they will do it happily to a man... Especially now, that you have procedures such as Essure and Adiana that are finished in 20 min and involve no surgery. It reeks of "the only purpose of a woman is to reproduce and she is never mature enough to choose to be sterilised, while a guy can have it done whenever he wants". I got my Essure at 34 with no children and the gyno never dared to tell me "I may change my mind". But hey, she was a woman.

lockets · 06/05/2012 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieScarlett2833 · 06/05/2012 09:41

Yes and he drove home afterwards over 100 miles. I was there to do the driving home but he said he was fine. Needed no time off work afterwards either. His bits were amazingly technicolour for a few days though.

lazarusb · 06/05/2012 10:49

I personally feel that I didn't want to take the pill forever and the stress of split condoms is too much. Felt it was his turn to be responsible Smile

dondon33 · 06/05/2012 16:14

My Ex had done after much whinging from me- I was too young and hospital refused to steralise me after my 3rd DS in under 5 years, not for the lack of me begging them. I can't take the pill in any form (combined hormone is dangerous to me) mini-pill failed twice :@ Was terrified condoms would split, didn't want coil etc... So as he was 10yrs older than me we agreed it would be best for him to get done.
So Dr agreed and sent us to the snip Dr, he also agreed so first appointment came and was cancelled, we re-scheduled it for a few weeks after- cancelled that one also. So a sex ban was enforced :) He eventually went on his 4th app and I accompanied him and was actually in the room watching as they done it :) just to make sure he didnt bolt for the door It was nothing like he had expected, he played football the next day :@ idiot and wished he'd gone on his first app to get it out of the way.

flapperghasted · 06/05/2012 16:33

DH had it done on Friday after 4 years of dithering. He's in a fair amount of pain at the moment and is regretting his decision mightily. Luckily, because I didn't put any pressure on him, he can't blame me :) I'm hoping he'll start feeling better tomorrow.

Groovee · 06/05/2012 16:43

Yes he did get it done but he needed some time off work as he's a plumber and he found driving hard the first few days.

Original poster
needsomesunshine · 06/05/2012 17:24

Why does it always seem to take the threat of no sex?

OP posts:
FairhairedandFrustrated · 06/05/2012 17:43

Dh had it done on a Wednesday morning and was on night shift that night! He had a few pain killers and was fine.

We have two children and don't want any more.

Dh said the pain was more nippy than sore and uncomfortable rather than painful.

The freedom of sex with no pregnancy is great!! Grin

dondon33 · 06/05/2012 22:37

needsomesunshine- in answer to your question- it is men we are dealing with here...I'll say no more :)

LancsDad · 07/05/2012 00:23

I had it done a few years ago. Pain not too bad. In the interest of male solidarity I probably shouldn't make this well known.

I'm a musician, had it done early afternoon and had a gig the same evening. Plenty of paracetamol and I was ok.

DinahMoHum · 07/05/2012 09:04

The doctors who perform it dont try and talk you out of it if youre over 30 and have children. They still tell you the risks and encourage you to get your partner to have a vasectomy instead, but they wont stop you getting one (is what i was told before my sterilisation)

The problem can be getting referred in the first place for a woman. When i originally went, the gp told me "but what if something happens to your children?" I just thought, you mean before or after ive thrown myself off a bridge?

The second time was after a nervous breakdown and i told her i would rather die than have more children, and she referred me, and it was pretty straightforward after that, i had it done within a month. In and out the same day. Woozy from the general anaesthetic the next day, and then back to normal. My scars 6 weeks on are nearly invisible

lazarusb · 07/05/2012 09:41

Dinah - GPs have a strange way of looking at things sometimes. When dh and I went in to discuss his vasectomy our GP turned to him and asked 'How do you know you won't leave Lazarus and want more children with someone else?'. Dh wasn't impressed Grin (If he does leave me being infertile will be the least of his problems Wink).

dondon33 · 07/05/2012 10:48

I was referred by my GP with the warning that they probably wouldn't agree to sterilise me but he respected my wishes enough to send me, obviously aware of the problems I was having with contraception.
Once at the hospital they point blank refused because of my age, I was 24 with 3 DC. I was told come back when you are 30 or over :@
A friend, same age with 2DC lived in a different area and she got it done without much fuss.
We were asked that too Lazarus, my ex was adamant he wouldn't want any more no matter what. You do what's best at the time and have to live with it.