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Original poster

Would you trust your partner to have the snip?

68 replies

needsomesunshine · 05/05/2012 08:24

We have 4 ds'. I am 'accidentally' pregnant with the 5th. It's either he gets the snip or I get sterilised. He has been mulling it over for over a year, finally said he would. Has been to the dr& now has a referral but keeps putting it off. He started a new job & says its the wrong time to be off. I think it's the ideal time now I am pregnant to get it sorted. I know he's scared & I think this is just another excuse. Any else been through this?

OP posts:

lazarusb · 07/05/2012 10:52

dondon -I just find it ridiculous in 2012 that women are held ultimately responsible for contraception in a relationship yet we seem to have fight more convincingly for sterilisation while men are told that we may be expendable and not to throw away the chance to reproduce with someone else.

dondon33 · 07/05/2012 12:28

I know it's not on is it? It's certainly not a decision people make lightly and most are usually fully informed before asking. The consultant I had pompous twat made me feel stupid and wrong for being there.
I completely understand female sterilisation carries more risks with the surgery than men's but again it should be our decision to make after weighing it up. He did tell me that if they sterilised a younger woman, of my age at the time, that there was more risk of the clamps coming off the tubes over time? Don't know how true it was or just part of his NO campaign.

pebblestack · 08/05/2012 11:09

I asked about sterilisation after DC3 when I was 35, and my doctor said she wouldn't agree to it for any woman under 40...

And yet when DH finally decided to have the snip (at 39), the doctor just said "I assume you are fully aware of what you are doing" and went ahead!

Pooka · 08/05/2012 11:12

Dh had it done on Friday. Is in work today as normal. Was absolutely fine all weekend.

FridayOLeary · 08/05/2012 11:40

DH finally did when Dc4 was just over a year old and we'd not had sex in months - he walked home from the op as the kids and I were at a party and it was running late so I didn't get back in time (honest). However it then took almost a year before he got the all clear! So it didn't exactly solve the contraception problem.

I would have happily been sterilised. But it wasn't an option on the NHS, and although I could have had it done privately, it still would have required DH to take 3-4 days off work to look after the kids and he wasn't prepared to do that.This is a lovely, caring, good family man. I have no idea what on earth was going through his head and he couldn't put it into words.

Kaluki · 08/05/2012 12:16

DP had it done when he was with his ex as she didn't want any more dc. She really pressured him into it.
She then left him for someone else and had 2 more dc with him
DP would have loved more dc as would I but she took the choice away from him.

AnyFucker · 08/05/2012 16:20

DH had it done 10 years ago

he was absolutely fine, back in work the next day etc

it's not a big deal

and I totally do not believe that a third of men have long term pain afterwards...what bollocks < ahem >

Fizzylemonade · 08/05/2012 16:35

Dh had the snip, I watched the operation, all very fascinating

failure rate for female sterilisation is around 1 in 200
failure rate for male sterilisation is around 1 in 2000

Do the maths

The only way you know if the female sterilisation has failed is you are pregnant, men at least have the option of having the test again to see if there are any sperm present. Dh is looking to do this as his snip was 4 years ago.

AnyFucker · 08/05/2012 16:49

gosh, I wouldn't describe vasectomy as an "operation" I would describe it as a "procedure"

"operation" attaches far too much significance to a 5 min cut and shut done under local anaesthetic

dondon33 · 08/05/2012 18:15

You are right AF- It took longer to get a dodgy mole removed from my back and stitched than it did my ex getting the snip :)

Fizzylemonade- I sat there too, the only bit I baulked at was the crackling and the smell from the laser thingy :(

Kaluki- As much as I do sympathise with your Dp- he knew what he was doing and if he felt that he might possibly want more, if he separated from his then partner, he shouldn't have gone through with it. Not even if she put the pressure on. You are specifically asked that as part of the counselling you receive counselling, pah all 5 mins of it
YES- I am guilty of enforcing a sex ban when my ex was pissing around cancelling appts for his vasectomy but he had already decided that he didn't want any more children neither with me or with another. He made that perfectly clear. I wouldn't have done it if I thought otherwise.

Christ Pebblestack ! so it seems the goal posts may have moved further. Bad enough to wait anyway never mind adding another 10 years on. I would have been so furious. What if you were to fall pregnant by accident in the meantime? isn't that when it's stressed there are more risks involved with pregnancy and birth defects, our eggs not so healthy etc.... so that would cause untold and unnecessary stress to someone who had requested sterilisation. It's beyond belief :(

Friday- a bloody year!!! ex was clear in his first test, got another 4 weeks later just to make sure and we I made him got another at 6 months to be extra sure.

HappyHubbie · 08/05/2012 20:42

I had it done about 10 years ago, I was worried about the emotional effects but tbh I'd forgotten I'd even had it done until I read this thread. The catalyst was that we'd had enough children, and DW was having problems with the pill. We didn't fancy any of the other options, so it was my turn to step up

The actual op was fairly unpleasant compared to most apparently - they couldn't find the tubes and had to dig around a bit , and afterwards my plums were twice the size & very uncomfortable for days. Once the swelling went down it was fine, and I'd recommend it.

First post-op shag was done ... carefully! Think the second test was done about 6 weeks after, once it was confirmed that I am indeed a jaffa it was back to normal.

The biggest reason it's scary is that men almost never talk about this stuff, I'd definitely recommend getting it done but only once you're both emotionally ready for it.

Original poster

needsomesunshine · 08/05/2012 21:11

Thanks happyhubbie & everyone else. Will see what happens but I definitely can't risk getting pregnant for the fifth time! I've had years of contraception.
My dr was happy to recommend me for sterilisation but my husband was the one that said he'd rather get done than me. Will see

OP posts:

HappyHubbie · 09/05/2012 15:18

One thing I forgot to add ... fertility is just as emotive an issue for men as it is for women, not just at the "macho" level but in a more basic way. Women and men possibly look at sterilisation slightly different way to men - women expect to lose their ability to reproduce at a certain age so having the operation for a women would possibly be less of an emotional step as it was going to happen anyway. For men it's different, we expect to be fertile pretty much all of our lives so it's maybe a bigger leap for us. Not sure I'm explaining this well ...

I'm not saying that women should be sterilised rather than men, obviously it's a much smaller operation for men with less side effects so that's the way to go (I did). Just trying to say don't underestimate how big a step it is emotionally for him.

AnyFucker · 09/05/2012 16:22

that is very true, HH

however

after many years of invasive and soul-destroying infertility investigations and treatments, 2 traumatic miscarriages, 2 bloody hard-going labours and the seventh level of hell that is otherwise known as breastfeeding....

I have to admit my H's "fragile" emotional response to having his bits seen to was not too high on my priorities at that particular time

lazarusb · 09/05/2012 21:12

AF - I agree. Been on the Pill since I was a teenager, had 3 dcs, 2 mcs then horrendous periods for the last 8 years. Came off the Pill, felt much better, lost weight, rediscovered my libido, periods are short, light and painless...about time DH did his bit for a worry free sex life

AnyFucker · 09/05/2012 21:23

laz, abso-bloody-lutely

< warms up two sharp stones >

Mumcentreplus · 09/05/2012 21:45

My DH had the snip took him 1 year of whinging & weirdness to come to terms and 20 mins to get it done!! after my shower of praise admiration and good food/lovin he is happy and content with his choice..

We always knew it would be him ..I have always refused to have the op end of ...and i have never taken the pill (DH didn't agree with chemical contraception either) so it was condoms all the way...it has been very cool for us and worked out well...although I did take me a year to convince him his balls would not turn green and drop off

EchoBitch · 10/05/2012 00:35

DP had it done not long after our third DC was born.

It was the best days work he ever did.

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