I am a stupid fucking selfish cow.

[CouldYouPleaseCallMeCordelia]

In 2009 I met a handsome, lovely guy who unfortunately lives in London, while I'm in Yorkshire. We didn't see each other very often so kept it casual, but fell for each other. This was when I was 19. I hadn't had a proper relationship before and thought I was missing out I was stupid and I made a huge mistake and agreed to go out with a guy from College - 'd'p. We have been together for 2 and a half years now and I don't know why.

'D'P can be very controlling. I have no friends left because he doesn't like me seeing them and my parents love him (he moved himself in with us quite early on). He doesn't like me wearing make up or dressing nicely to go anywhere. My bedroom (still at home) has been taken over by his stuff. He wants to have children and regularly moans about the fact I have a coil. This is stupid because he doesn't have a job and we could never support a child.

In that past two years I've put on a lot of weight and have no self confidence. I'm nothing like I was, I hate how I look and have been drinking every night to cope. I am a huge mess and I blame DP, although I know it is ultimately my own fault.

I am still in contact with the other guy. I always have been. I know this is selfish, but i want to be with him. I want him to be there for me if I ever get the courage to leave 'd'p. I hate myself for what I've done and what a mess I'm in. He (in ldn) is giving mixed messages. One day he loves me, the next he can't and he hates me for what I've done. He wants to be with me, he doesn't. I'm beautiful then I'm a whore and a slut with a 'mashed up cunt from all the disgusting use' (I've only ever slept with dp). He says he is jealous, then he doesn't care.

I feel so lost. I'm frightened of leaving my dp and the one I love not being there for me, although it's what I deserve. I'm frightened of moving DP out - chuck it all on the drive for him to collect? I don't know.

I'm sorry for the long post. I sound such a selfish fucker. I absolutely hate myself but have no idea what to do. Ready for a huge flaming.

And sweetheart, your parents won't love him when they find out what he is like with you.

Oh my love, you poor wee soul.

If you were my DD I would have been nice to vile DP too, for your sake and not to cause any estrangement between us.

Talk to your mum honestly about how you feel about him, I'm sure she'll be supportive, and if she isn't, it's not you, it's her.

(And London guy is a complte no-no, you are far too good for the likes of THAT)

I really echo the great advice everyone else has given. You don't sound the slightest bit selfish - quite the opposite.

It occurred to me that if you have the mirena coil (the hormonal one) and your weight gain and low mood started soon after, please do mention this to your Gp. They are common side effects as you'll see if you search on here.

Wishing you all the very best for a much happier future without either loser in it.

Oh OP - first of all have a virtual (but very real in sentiment) hug from me.

Next, get yourself shot of these two absolute losers from your life and your headspace. Both of them are abusive and dangerous and will bring you nothing but misery and imprisonment.

The things the London guy has said to you are disgusting. He is not a good man, or a nice man, or even anything approaching a normal man. He is a smear of shit on the toilet that is his life. Flush him away for good, because if you were to take up with him, your life would not be worth living and that I can promise you. He is misogynist and a sadist.

As for your current boyfriend - same same same. GET RID!

Then I suggest some counselling for you - you need to learn to expect a damn sight more from your relationships than the crap you've been accepting so far.

You are worth it!!!!

Bugger - I read the whole bloody thread before realising it was six months old! What you doing matey?? She's probably not even reading MN anymore, she'll either be with one of these dickheads or with a bit of luck out there, living her life with some decent friends and maybe even a nice boyfriend.

OLD THREAD ALERT

As for your parents...do not be peruaded to remain in crock of shite relationship because it suits them.
Are they banned from having a life to suit him? No. So they don't get an opinion.

You need to strike out on your ownsome OP and break free of the bad emotional habits you have learned, to go on and have successful, healthy relationships with men who treat you well.

But you need to learn to love yourself first.

Ah poo. Hope the OP's ok.