Not sure if this should be a dealbreaker

[ArthurandGeorge]

Dp is crap with money. This has caused tension between us before. He also has his own business which isn't doing well at present but to be fair to him this is as much what is going on for everyone in his trade as his own ability.

He owes 5k on credit card. He asked dfil to lend him the money to pay it off, with a plan to repay dfil whi dfil was happy with. He assurred me that this was what he would do with the money and dfil checked the plan with me before giving dp the cheque.

He has spent it on a car, which he claims is really cheap and he can easily sell at a profit.

I am absolutely furious with him and dfil is very upset. I told dfil as soon as I found out but dp does not yet, I think, know that dfil knows iyswim.

He states that at the point of asking dfil for the money and getting me to agree to the plan etc he didn't know about the car.

I feel that I can't trust him at all.

The issue isn't so much the money as the lies and I feel like he used me to lie to dfil. Really upset.

We are meant to be getting married later this year.

:(
Hugs.

Thanks. It has really helped to get the views of outsiders as well as some rl friends.

I know that this is the right thing to do.

Oh wow, feel for you

You've been really brave, really strong and really sensible.

I said upthread that it would be a definite dealbreaker for me - if we didn't have children. I see you have two dc. That makes a difference and I can see why you want to hang on to hope he can change. Maybe he can, it's possible. But he simply gave you no other choice but to cancel the wedding to protect yourself and your kids - you couldn't go into married life fearing he could leave you all penniless and even homeless.

Now that you have cancelled the wedding, you have breathing space to think about your relationship and what to do. What is your relationship like otherwise?

We can have lovely times together with the children but I do not think he can really prioritise us over his own individual wants.

tough love, until either he can prioritise you & DCs, or you see a future appart.