Sorry in advance if this is long, I just really want an honest, unbiased opinion on my situation please. A year ago I left my long term boyfriend because I couldn't cope with the way he was treating me and even though twelve months have passed I still feel racked with guilt/confusion about him and the way things ended. We were living together and I just packed my bags and left one night when he was out drinking with his friends - I text him to say I wanted a break and then a week later told him it was totally over. I then changed my number, blocked his emails and moved to my parents' house in a bid to totally rid myself of him. Previous to this I had left him a couple of times but he always managed to get me back, usually with the help of his overbearing mum who used to defend him and his behaviour.
The reason I finally left was because I literally couldn't take another day of his abuse, it had got to the point where I was suicidal. Everyday I would come home from work and he would interrogate me for hours on end about my previous partners - sometimes he would keep me awake until 3am on a week night asking me the same question over and over again until I would finally snap and lose my temper. He accused me of cheating on him constantly (I wasn't). On the rare occasion I went out with friends he would give me the silent treatment for days afterwards. He told me everyday I was mental/nuts/not normal. In public he would act as though he was embarrassed to be seen with me. Twice when he was drunk and we had arguments he was physically abusive and neighbours called the police - both times he said I was to blame for him being nasty as I am 'crazy.' He lied to me all the time and kept his female friends a secret from me which made me paranoid and insecure. One night when he was blind drunk he held me down and anally raped me - I still have nightmares about that to this day. The longer I stayed with him the more my behaviour changed - I went from a quiet, easy going person to an aggressive, irrational wreck (I am so ashamed to say I slapped him on a couple of occasions when I couldn't handle anymore of his goading and interrogating). When I finally 'did a runner' on him I had a total breakdown which took months to recover from.
After I left the only way he managed to contact me was by letter which he used to send to my parents' house (he guessed that I was there). His mum, auntie and sisters also sent letters there - they said they couldn't understand what was wrong with me and that I was terrible for leaving like I did. They said I would never find anyone like my ex again and that I clearly had 'mental issues.' For some reason I cannot get over the things they have said and everyday I feel like a nutter for leaving the relationship in the way that I did, even though at the time I thought I had good reason to.
I'm going to work abroad for the summer (leaving in a few weeks time) and I am looking forward to it but part of me feels like I'm just running away again. I live in fear of bumping into my ex, his mates or family as I know they all hate me and I worry what they would do if they saw me so that's partly why I'm going abroad. I can't stand feeling like a bad person all the time and wish that I could turn back time and handled things a bit differently. I keep torturing myself by thinking he has probably gone on to meet someone 'normal' and that I was to blame for his behaviour. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and do you think I did the right thing by just upping and leaving like that?
So sorry this is long and thanks to anyone who read this :-)