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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Are there a lot of relationships breaking up at the moment? Why?

74 replies

Lonelymum · 13/02/2006 21:39

Every day there seems to be a new thread in which someone is breaking up with their partner. Don't get me wrong, I am not unsympathetic. I do feel for all those sad or sometimes angry Mners. But there do seem to be a lot of you out there. It isn't always this busy on the relationship board. has anyone else noticed this increase?

OP posts:
Flossam · 13/02/2006 21:40

Time of year I reckon. its all those chinese's fault with their new year upsetting everyone!

mummytosteven · 13/02/2006 21:41

Yes, I reckon it's time of year - the post-xmas comedown, financial strain after xmas, dark grotty winter weather - I imagine things must come to a head in the run-up to Valentine's day, as that must make people focus on their relationship/problems in it.

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/02/2006 21:42

Yes maybe that is it. Maybe I wasn't on Mumsnet much last january.

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 13/02/2006 21:43

yes it's the time of year LM
Christmas brings things to a head
then new year/new start
always a queue outside the divorce lawyers office in January

FioFio · 13/02/2006 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

collision · 13/02/2006 21:44

But....and I know this is controversial...I think that the internet has a lot to do with it and the 'support' given by people to split with partners is unbelievable.

I have noticed the same as you LM.

If you have a prob with partner and mention it on MN then it seems to me that everyone jumps on and encourages the person to split up with them rather than working it out.

Very sad.

nutcracker · 13/02/2006 21:45

Hmm well mine was a long time coming and not sure what brought it to a head either, but probably xmas and stuff yeah.

Flossam · 13/02/2006 21:46

I find the same too collision. I come away from here thinking that everyone but me has a perfect relationship! I am sure that can't be true. Either that or a higher percentage than usual have very happy relationships on here.

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/02/2006 21:46

FioFio He hasn't been back!

Collision, I have noticed that too although that surely can't be what makes people decide to split? I once described my dh's lack of input in the house and I was made to feel like I was some downtrodden woman because I put up with it. I do notice other Mners getting that treatment too. But when it happened to me, it just made me feel very defensive of my dh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/02/2006 21:48

Flossam, do you really feel a high percentage of Mners have perfect relationships? The impression I get is the opposite.

OP posts:
Flossam · 13/02/2006 21:49

Not a high percentage perhaps, but that those who are in secure relationships are happier than most.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/02/2006 21:50

Not controversial collision, just a little misguided. Whilst some people rely alot on advice from MN, i think most posters keep a perspective on things. I would be extremely surprised if any poster trumped up and said that they ended their relationship on the basis of internet advice alone.

Plus, the consideration that people often come here because they have issues in the first place, and people are just reaffirming what the poster already knows IYKWIM.

IvortheEngine · 13/02/2006 21:51

I think that it's a good thing that there is support for those whose relationship isn't working and isn't going to work, no matter what they do. To do it on their own would be awful. Having said that, whenever I post on a relationship thread I try to encourage someone to think it all through and talk to their partner to see if it can work before taking the next step towards finishing it. Sometimes though, it is awful to see a relationship absolutely dead on its feet and no end to it until one person passes away and I've seen a few of them.

Flossam · 13/02/2006 21:52

I try not to moan about DP here, but I still do . But I do feel that when people are negative about someone it makes you think of the negatively too, and therefore a whole big negative circle starts!

Socci · 13/02/2006 21:52

Message withdrawn

collision · 13/02/2006 21:53

Thought I was going to be stoned then!

If i was to write the truth about DH which is....
he does little round the house
he is untidy
not always appreciative of the things I do
is very stubborn etc etc

I would be told that he wasnt worth the trouble and that I deserved better and blah blah blah

I could just be venting about him if I was having a bad day.

This would then make me feel bad about DH.

What I hadnt mentioned is the fact that he is the best thing in my life, would do anything for me and the boys, works his backside off to provide for us....

....however, in mentioning the things that get me down and the 'support' from MNetters it would make me feel dissatisfied and cross with DH and so the negativity begins.

I do blame Mumsnet for a lot of these breakdowns Im afraid.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/02/2006 21:53

Plus, you wont get many people just coming on to say "BTW - my dh/dp is just so fab, i just wanted you all to know". Its just not in our nature is it . We usually come on to discuss things that are giving us the hump/causing a problem.

myturn · 13/02/2006 21:54

Agree with Flossam. Also, we can only ever hear one side of the story on here and really judgements should only be made by hearing both sides.

Flossam · 13/02/2006 21:55

Hmm, I shall see if I get delivered anything tomorrow before I make any statements like that VVV!

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/02/2006 21:57

Agree with you Collision. I don't like it when people say "you deserve better" just because their dh/p is a lazy so and so or a bit neanderthal. We are not all married to new men and some don't want to be either.

That said, I am sure people don't split up just because Mumsnet suggests they can do better. It must come from within.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/02/2006 21:58

Do you not think that people come here in the first place for advice because things are already dire?

Surely you dont think MN plays a part in people breaking up? None of us have that much power in our type do we?

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/02/2006 21:59

No, I am sure people have reched the end when they come here and post some of the things I have read. It just seems to me that a higher percentage of people are spliting up here on Mumsnet right now than I know of in real life.

Perhaps I am just getting a window into part of people's lives that I do not always see in RL?

OP posts:
collision · 13/02/2006 22:01

I think you would be very surprised.

The power of MN is unbelievable. I do think that some of the relationships breaking down are thanks to the support and 'go on kid you can do it' and 'you are so brave and will be much better off' sort of thing.

I have thought it for a while.

The 'orgasm' thread is what really made me think of how many people must be dissatisfied with their relationships and the amount of sexual things people post is horrific IMHO. I would not dream of posting like this. If some people have fab sex lives and others dont then it must make them look at their own lives and think they could get something 'better'.

Flossam · 13/02/2006 22:04

I think the thing is there are so many of us here that few of us know each other well and we judge (I am including myself here) on what is written in front of us. The liklehood this is someone we have never met, certainly never met their DP's/Dh's. Who knows what they are like? I think that people would be surprised if they met my DP after hearing me moaning about him on her . My fault entirely, I know. Everyone who has met him has always liked him very much.

hercules · 13/02/2006 22:06

I have read some shocking posts about some mumsnetters partners here and really do believe that a lot of the women deserve better. I wish someone had advised my mum to leave my father 30 years ago rather than her getting the courage to do so in her sixties.