I'm in a sexless marriage (all but - have had sex twice in the last 6+ years). We've been going to counselling, and I thought it was going well with much more intimacy, until the last session, where when DW was asked what she wanted from the relationship and couldn't really think of anything - except maybe to be left alone to read her book. Hasn't directly said anything about whether she fancies me (and I've not dared ask - a lot of my problem is putting off hearing bad news like this), but in her case I'm fairly sure her sex drive is minimal, as I don't believe she has ever masturbated. I'm not sure what good the counselling is doing any more, as DW seems to think it's just me who needs to change, when in fact whatever I do (and I've done a lot), there's always something else which I need to do before she'll want to have sex with me... were it not that our counsellor was busy saying to DW lots of things that I dare not about how our relationship won't survive without a sex life. I was actually quite surprised how forceful the reaction was to a suggestion from DW that the kids always came first (counsellor suggested that wasn't the case as kids also need their parents to have a good relationship, and sometimes that has to be the priority).
Though here's where it gets confusing and I turn everything I've said above on its head. We left the counselling not on that good terms - me upset as DW had given the impression she really wasn't interested in our relationship, I'd upset her by pointing out several times that it really did just come back to her not being interested in sex. A bit later in the day we talked a bit about the session, and she offered that actually she had been thinking about having sex with me, and would be interested if I'd agree to stop if struggling to climax (as happened last time we tried last year) when she stopped enjoying it. Not tonight, but sometime.
So fast forward several days in which I've been trying to reconcile what she said in counselling and afterwards. No signs appearing that it was any more likely to be tonight than any other night in the last 6 years. I'm being treated for depression, and it got to the point I was feeling really down about this (the drugs don't seem to help all that much) which I was sure must be apparent as I was being generally grumpy, so I confronted her last night with my confusion. We had a long conversation/argument which ended in her agreeing that we'd have sex some time in the next week (on same condition as before - which I happily agreed to, as I pointed out I don't enjoy that either)! Hadn't really got over the argument when we went to bed (in a way I feel I should have been really grateful and loving for such a commitment, but she still seemed upset and my moods just don't work like that). Today I've still mostly been down, and things are frosty - less intimacy than for weeks - so I'm not quite sure how sex is going to magically happen.
I'm also still confused - if she doesn't want to have sex with me, is she just going along with it to keep me happy? Did what the counsellor said finally sink in? I suppose it's a start, but have to wonder whether it's actually little better than going to a prostitute. Just can't see it being all that great if it happens, and I also have performance anxiety - it's not like if it doesn't work that well it doesn't matter as we'll just try again in a few days. I feel like I should be a lot happier than I am and not looking a gift horse in the mouth - is it just my depression stopping me from seeing straight?
Anybody help with my confusion and explain what's going on?