Hi there,
Im a (fairly) regular mumsnetter but have named changed for obvious reasons
My post is more of a way of getting some thoughts straight in my head and seeing what others think rather than actually asking for advice.
A bit of background . . .
I am a single working mum of 4 children and for the past 3 years I have been enjoying the swinging scene. I have met some really lovely people, some of whom are now friends and explored a side of life that I never dreamed possible.
18 months ago I met my partner on a swinging site and life is good 
I am extremely careful about keeping this side of my life very private and not even our close friends know. I am in no way embarrassed about it, I feel it is a lifestyle choice, we aren't harming anyone and we practice safe sex always, it's more that I wouldn't want my children to find out plus I have a high profile job.
Both my partner and I feel very strongly about only meeting or 'playing' with people who are either single or who's partners are aware and agree with what they are doing.
There are many married men (and some woman) on the sites we use who are there without their partners knowledge, I don't have a huge problem with this but it saddens me and would rather not be a part of it.
In the past few months we have been AMAZED at how many married men are playing away using this site. They are on cam in the day in their offices 
at home in their marital beds when their wives think they are at work or off sick and parked up in their cars in their dinner hour on cam on their laptops.
I have been messaged by five men who admitted they were playing away this week alone, the first who is a regular user of a swingers club told me he can use the club whenever he likes as his wife bought him gym membership so she thinks he is there! Another guy who's partner thinks he visits his local pub with a pal who is also out cheating and one who works late two days each week so that he can have time for his double life (this guy owns his own business and actually states on the business website that he has late night opening twice a week to back up his deceit)
Am I being naive in thinking that their wives and partners have absolutely no idea what these guys are up to?
Do they know but can't face confronting them?
I've posted this after helping my neighbour with some DIY this morning and listened to her telling me about her new home her and her partner had just moved into. She explained how happy they were and how he doted on her and her children. she discribed him as her 'lifesaver' after a recent health scare etc etc. I could barely look her in the eye for fear of bursting into tears at the fact that I know him as a regular on the scene who brags openly about how easy it is to deceive her 
What do you all think?
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Relationships
Married and Swinging
Squigsmum · 27/04/2012 13:40
Maybe not for [email protected] bet there aren't many men there looking for good conversation and fine wine 
OP no-one was attacking your lifestyle. I, for one, couldn't give a flying fuck what you do with your time. But you seemed to come on here 'isn't it just awful that some married men are unfaithful - oh and yours could be cheating too'.
I mean, WTF is the point? It's a bit like those dreadful OPs in AIBU who profess to be 'saddened' about some poor child in the news or some fabricated scene they've witnessed where a child was treated badly...well, it's not really like that but this has left me with the same 
feeling!
You say it's rubbish.
We don't know you, as you have changed names, supposedly. For all we know you are a bearded lorry driver, with a beer belly. And so am I (not really, just a famous film star, of course).
It was only a minority of posters who commented on your morals.
Personally, I don't care what you do in your private life.
As others have asked, though, what is the actual point of your post?
Obviously there are married men (and women) who cheat (defined as having sex with other people without the knowledge AND consent of their partners). Some married women don't know what these men are up to, others have caught them and hope they have changed, others are already considering leaving them.
You only have to read several of the threads on this section.
Obviously it was sad that you met one of these women.
As it is for women who have been "approached" by men in relationships. As I was at some point by a colleague who was dating a girl in our team too.
Not sure what your sex life in particular had anything to do with the issue of men who cheat on their wives. You could have easily written your post without revealing or dwelling in that aspect of your life.
In that sense, yes, it seemed slightly provocatory or boastful.
If you don't like this lifestyle, then don't judge people...or insult them. Don't read Squigs posts.
For all of you, who want to bash...pick me! 
I am bisexual, and when I met my STBXH he was okay with it...as it was part of my past. After all he was GOD'S GIFT TO WOMAN.. roll eyes... he would convert me.. However, he never had a 3 some before, and I was open to the idea if we went together. We would go out and talk/tease about particular women (never met them) and I found out alot about my STBXH. What he liked/didn't like... and soon found out he was super fussy! lol... Anyhow, you have no idea how that felt when he left me for another woman!
Fast forward.
I created a Swingers GROUP... I meet with all potential people. I did this for 4 yrs. My DP and I hosted and help these parties. Married men without their partners were not allowed, unless I personally got to know them, and spoke to the women. People trusted me as they could talk to me. I had married men and their partners talk to be about their partner's curiousity in being with a man, etc. I did meet some fantasitic people, and still have a great relationship with them. Is it all about the sex? NO... In fact my DP and I have only 2x in the past year swung, with our friends.
This lifestyle isn't for everyone, and it isn't right for anyone else to be judged on it. Alot of people don't even mention their fantasies, and even what interests them in fear of people insulting them. Whether it would be role playing, bisexual, submissive/dom, master/slave, bondage, how to have a better orgasm, or anything else. :)
Once a month I held our group party, and I often invited people to come in and talk about the lifestyles that surround all of us ~ to educate us. Only one couple in the 4 yrs of doing this ended up not surviving. Which had nothing to do with the swinging itself! I had 30 COUPLES, and about 4 single men, 4 single women I had RULES too...
So, I'm sure some of you are prob. rereading some of my posts and making your own conclusions on me, however, I know that I don't judge people, and I accept people for who they are, and their lifestyle choice.
We get together and go camping with our children and we are no different than all of you, except what we do behind closed doors. You would be surprised to know friends/family/neighbours have a different lifestyle than what you believe!!!
Squigs...I hope you didn't leave the site because of this... It takes a lot of courage to say how you feel. 
Grabs a rye/coke and cheers to you!
I was not making any judgement about your lifestyle or your morals, OP.
I was, though, commenting on your seemingly very narrow view that only faithful married people or single people might be involved
I can't bear the idea of swinging. I chose to commit myself to a monogamous relationship, so it's evidently not for me. But it's absolutely your prerogative to lead whatever kind of lifestyle you wish.
But I'm still amazed you're amazed that some married people participate without their partners knowing.
the swinging scene isn't just about shagging
You mean you have debating society style meetups to discuss the big bang theory before voting to throw keys in hat and get down to having a big bang?
how are you unrecognisable on the scene exactly?
Find your posts a bit dull really, yes married men do shag around it happens sadly. Does this dominate your life a bit do you think?
PS. Yes, I look alot different too! HONESTLY... At an open meeting at the bar, I meet a close couple of my dad's!!!! I guess, I always knew because of how they acted....
My older children know, my father knows, my sisters/mother know... and they still love me... Sure, my sister's abusive partner doesn't trust me, as he thinks I am going to bring her to a sex party... ya... I want me sister there you idiot!!
My youngest sister brags about me...and has embarrased me a few times as she doesn't understand the meanings behind everything. Saying "this is my dominatrix sister".... its just not the way it is! However, they all feel comfortable talking to me about advice, and where to go for information.
Some people are nieve and think swingers do it daily, weekly, all the time. When in reality it's normally monthly, bi-monthly or like me... once a year now! 
Who really cares? I dint understand why the swingers are now telling us all about swinging? Did anybody ask?
You sound like a cross between Cynthia Payne, an agony aunt, and a missionary, Mother2many. Carry on camping it up
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