Married and Swinging

[Squigsmum]

Hi there,

Im a (fairly) regular mumsnetter but have named changed for obvious reasons

My post is more of a way of getting some thoughts straight in my head and seeing what others think rather than actually asking for advice.

A bit of background . . .

I am a single working mum of 4 children and for the past 3 years I have been enjoying the swinging scene. I have met some really lovely people, some of whom are now friends and explored a side of life that I never dreamed possible.

18 months ago I met my partner on a swinging site and life is good

I am extremely careful about keeping this side of my life very private and not even our close friends know. I am in no way embarrassed about it, I feel it is a lifestyle choice, we aren't harming anyone and we practice safe sex always, it's more that I wouldn't want my children to find out plus I have a high profile job.

Both my partner and I feel very strongly about only meeting or 'playing' with people who are either single or who's partners are aware and agree with what they are doing.
There are many married men (and some woman) on the sites we use who are there without their partners knowledge, I don't have a huge problem with this but it saddens me and would rather not be a part of it.

In the past few months we have been AMAZED at how many married men are playing away using this site. They are on cam in the day in their offices
at home in their marital beds when their wives think they are at work or off sick and parked up in their cars in their dinner hour on cam on their laptops.

I have been messaged by five men who admitted they were playing away this week alone, the first who is a regular user of a swingers club told me he can use the club whenever he likes as his wife bought him gym membership so she thinks he is there! Another guy who's partner thinks he visits his local pub with a pal who is also out cheating and one who works late two days each week so that he can have time for his double life (this guy owns his own business and actually states on the business website that he has late night opening twice a week to back up his deceit)

Am I being naive in thinking that their wives and partners have absolutely no idea what these guys are up to?
Do they know but can't face confronting them?

I've posted this after helping my neighbour with some DIY this morning and listened to her telling me about her new home her and her partner had just moved into. She explained how happy they were and how he doted on her and her children. she discribed him as her 'lifesaver' after a recent health scare etc etc. I could barely look her in the eye for fear of bursting into tears at the fact that I know him as a regular on the scene who brags openly about how easy it is to deceive her

What do you all think?

[LentillyFart]

I think you and your lifestyle sound rather sleazy actually. And as for your appearance is so different on the scene? Yeah. Right. Grow up and stop making your genitals the centre of your universe and get some bloody morals whilst you're at it.

[izzyizin]

I have a hugely different appearance on the scene LOL. Unless you've got an inflatable arse and tits, in your dreams you have, honey,

I have never knowingly played with a married man That's okay then

[Lueji]

Of course, on those sites you have lots of men who are cheating.

As in MN Relationships you have lots of women whose OH's have cheated or are violent.

It doesn't mean the vast majority of couples have those problems.

[Ratata]

You are part of the swinging scene. It's unlikely it is going to be full of people who value being faithful to one person. You are seeing many people cheating on their spouse. I find it odd that you are surprised. Surely, being a swinger, it's highly likely that you would see people being unfaithful along with others who are just part of the scene and not cheating. It's hardly a place of marital values.

[BIWIWhoMustBeObeyed]

Erm

"I suppose I was amazed at the fact that marriage, vows and promises seem to mean so little to many people."

You're a swinger. What on earth do you think swinging is all about?!

You sound very naive!

[DowagersHump]

I think you're very naive if you think the swinging scene isn't a convenient way for men to have no strings sex without their partners' knowledge

[QuickLookBusy]

I have never knowingly played with a married man well maybe if you got to know them a bit better before shagging them, you might know for certain. Is your excuse going to be "well I didn't know" when you find out one of your special friends is married?

[PJHarpy]

You don't have to be a swinger to know that lots of people cheat on their partners.

I also think that the swinging scene - just like dating websites - might be frequented by some people with decent orals, but are also magnets for many more dirty shitbags.

C'est la vie

[Ratata]

It sounds like you think it's not possible to be in a faithful relationship. Is that true? There are loads of couples who are in faithful relationships.

[PJHarpy]

decent orals? - best typo I've made in ages [grin

MORALs, obv!

[Squigsmum]

Well its a lifestyle choice - my life and my choice, and if my 'reputation gets trashed' it sounds like it will make many of you very happy.

I don't think I deserved to be treated this way, you may not like what I choose to do in my personal life but I wasn't posting for approval or a stealth boost (whatever that is)

I'm leaving the thread now, apologies for the upset Ive caused.

[ThePathanKhansWitch]

Nothing to help with the dilema OP, but can I just say your stamina amazes me, I've only got one child and dh practically has to book an appointment for boring straight vanilla sex.

To misquote W.Churchill 'makes you proud to be British' .

[TalHotBlond]

I sometimes think I might like to give something like this a try (with my he's consent obviously) but would never have the guts to go through with it in case thverging of situation happened. Small town etc. Thinks of neighbours. [shudder]

[PJHarpy]

What upset? you asked a question ad you can take the answer? You'll have to develop a thicker skin if you want to continue to shag strangers, love!

[Ratata]

You asked 2 posters on here how did they know it wasn't their men cheating on them. If you antagonise people then expect to get it right back ;)

[izzyizin]

As an adult, it's your choice to live your life in any way you choose but if you make a choice that may involve your reputation being trashed and your high profile job being put on the line, my concern will be more for your dc than for you.

[Lueji]

I don't think anyone is upset, except you, OP.

Or was that your goal and now you are upset that nobody is upset?

[QuickLookBusy]

"I don't think I deserved to be treated this way"

If you shag married men you shouldn't be surprised that other women might be a little agitated by you.

[worldgonecrazy]

Actually I find the OP's attitude refreshing - at least her and her partner are open about their sexual wants/needs and are honest with each other. It may not be the type of honesty that sits comfortably with everyone, but it is a form of honesty.

The OP is not the keeper of anyone else's morals.

[Squigsmum]

Lueji What utter rubbish.

In the past I've only ever posted on here to help others or to take part in general conversation.

Something happened today to prompt me to post this, that was all, no other motive.

[Squigsmum]

QuicklookBusy I have never shagged a married man (well apart from the one I used to be married to )

Thank you worldgonecrazy I was beginning to think I was up there with puppy torturers and wife beaters.

[QuickLookBusy]

Hopw do you know?

[akaemmafrost]

This thread has put me right off my dinner.

[Birdsgottafly]

I am surprised that it took three years for you to realise this, tbh.

I don't agree with deceit, but i think that people shouldn't be judged on sexual practices, as long as they are legal.

I know lots of people covering up swinging, dogging, being bi etc and they shouldn't have to worry about the effect of anyone knowing.

[PJHarpy]

I still don't understand the point of your thread, OP?

What do we all think about what?

About the fact that married men sometimes cheat? Not exactly a shocker, is it?

Or do you want us to be shocked at your 'lifestyle choice'? Because frankly, it isn't that exciting, sorry!