I need some help to get my head around what happened at the weekend. I've namechanged for this. I'm just feeling very numb...
I was at a big event, with other staff. I was working that night and once everything had been done, I headed up to the bar to meet my colleagues and have a drink or two. It was a celebration and although I'd been up for around 22 hours by that stage and was exhausted, I got a second wind and had a couple of wines.
One chap is on a project with me. I'd not really spoken to him before and after some general chit chat about work, he said he'd always wanted me and did I like him. I was very taken aback, I'm a mousy little thing and said no, I'm married and moved off to talk to another colleague.
At some point he was next to me again and the wine and tiredness had caught up with me. He was being very direct about what he wanted to do with me and again I said no, am flattered, but am off to bed.
I'm so ashamed of what happened next and I barely remember much, other that he came to my room (I have no recollection of even getting there) he was kissing me and then was on top of me. I remember it hurting and telling him so. I remember feeling very weak and drifting off while it happened (I think over a couple of hours) and I remember him keeping going and talking dirty. I feel so ashamed.
When I woke up and he left I scrubbed myself raw. My husband and I have some issues, but I'd never have thought I'd cheat. I was so sore 'below' for a couple of days and I just don't fancy this person at all. What was I thinking? It's like I've been taken over by someone else. I feel sick. I can't tell my husband it would hurt him dreadfully.
I have to see this other person at work soon and it's going to be awful.
I don't even know what I'm asking for here. I hate myself. I've never not remembered stuff after drinking before and I only had a couple. I just don't understand how this can have happened.
How can I ever live with myself?