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Original poster

Is he interested?

73 replies

Gemsiepoos · 16/04/2012 14:21

Ok I will try and keep it short!
I really need some views on something. Tell me straight!
My cousin set mailed me telling me a friend of hers was interested in me through seeing me on fb!
Im on a dating site and a few days ago a guy mailed me and it was him, anyway we arranged to meet. Then he told me his age was 45 not 39 which it states on his profile, he explained why and I was cool although he is 11 years older than me. Then he told me he was a single dad to 4 children, which again I said ok cool.
We met for one hour and I liked him and he text straight after and said he would like to take me out again.
Tell me if Im wrong but I went on the site the next day to see if he was on and he was. I explained that if we were agreeing to see eacthother again its not fair as its like hes saying im lovely but not lovely enough. I know we have only just met but at least give me a chance right?
Anyway we have chatted and text he seems keen. Today again hes on there so i say to him look are we dating other people whilst hooking up together when we can cos of the distance (about 40mins) he then said he is definitely interested and then in another text he says im free to do what i please???
Please tell me what this means? Why should i make the effort to travel if he isnt feeling too positive about it?

OP posts:
GinPalace · 16/04/2012 14:27

If I was looking for love through a dating site and after one date was told I needed to pull my profile and get off the site until I had decided that person wasn't for me I would

think you are being a bit full on. It should be the other way round, get to know one another and if it gets serious stop looking at other avenues.

isn't one date a bit early to be getting exclusive? unless you've already bedded him.

To be honest, you seem a keen you haven't batted an eyelid at some reasonably large factors, which, while not show-stoppers for the right person, are still important considerations esp. the children, and now you want him to decide if he is serious.

Think you need to lighten up a bit and enjoy getting to know him before you get all heavy. I think this is what his you're free to do what you want text was trying to say.

TooEasilyTempted · 16/04/2012 14:29

Whoa... calm down!!

You've only met for an hour and you're already asking him for exclusivity??

I think he likes you, he wants to see you again, but he's probably chatting to and meeting other people too, as he has every right to until you both have decided you're in a committed relationship.

Proudnscary · 16/04/2012 14:31

I agree you are coming across as too high maintenance/needy/demanding.

Sorry to be blunt but think you are more likely to hear the truth on here than in real life!

That said he is hedging his bets and giving out mixed messages. I wouldn't bother with him I don't think.

Original poster
Gemsiepoos · 16/04/2012 14:32

I know I sound maybe too full on. Although I have only just met him Im not interested in meeting anyone else, as I would like to give him a chance. I feel like he is still looking for other options and I dont like how that makes me feel. Maybe Im wrong but Im just being honest in how I feel.
I guess just been very hurt and Im a little scared.

OP posts:
GinPalace · 16/04/2012 14:33

I don't think he is giving mixed messages. He's said he likes you what more do you want!!!

curiositykitten · 16/04/2012 14:36

You are dating (maybe, if you haven't freaked him out!), not in a relationship. He is free to do what he likes.

Besides, there's a chance he was just online checking if you were?

Proudnscary · 16/04/2012 14:36

Yes I suppose you are right Gin.

RightUpMyRue · 16/04/2012 14:37

You had a coffee with him and now he's yours, all yours?

He probably was interested but you've put him right off with your crazy-lady behaviour.

Nevermind, learn from it, i.e relax, it's only dating, have fun and then move on Smile

TooEasilyTempted · 16/04/2012 14:44

How old are you? How long have you been single?

I don't think you're in the right frame of mind for dating at the moment.

Tbh if this thread were reversed and you were saying he'd asked you to pull your profile and not see anyone else after a one hour meeting with him, we'd all be telling you to run like the wind.

GinPalace · 16/04/2012 14:44

I think you need to take him at face value and not assume that he is morally dubious because he is approaching things slightly differently.

Get to know him really well before you jump in at the deep end.

Imagine what kind of BF he would be if he had no honed in on you like a exosett (sp?) missile and sent you a text like 'who have you talked to today' instead of 'you can do what you like' ARGGHHHHHH

Try to relaaaxxx. :)

Original poster
Gemsiepoos · 16/04/2012 14:46

Oh wow! Ok I need to calm down :-s

I wasnt asking for commitment just a chance as it feels like he is still looking for better, surely out of respect we give eachother that chance, not too full on, spend time getting to know one another.
I dont think Id like to keep looking if I feel I liked him.

I know Im crazy sometimes just like to know how it is instead of second guessing.

OP posts:
GinPalace · 16/04/2012 14:46

And checking up on his profile - Wink

TooEasilyTempted · 16/04/2012 14:47

I thought chatting to, emailing and having dates with numerous people was the norm with internet dating these days?

Original poster
Gemsiepoos · 16/04/2012 14:48

Ok Im gonna try :-)
Im sorry I know iv come over all mental!
Im 34 and been separated 18 months.
I am ready honestly, just scared and been hurt

OP posts:
GinPalace · 16/04/2012 14:49

I can see what you are saying, but I don't think it is disrespectful that he hasn't yet taken himself off the market at this early stage.

It doesn't mean he is waiting for something better - you don't yet know each other, so he doesn't know either way if better or worse is out there.... so it isn't any particular statement either way IYSWIM. :)

But that doesn't mean you have to do the same - whatever you are comfortable with.

Original poster
Gemsiepoos · 16/04/2012 14:52

I guess your right.
As its a good friend of my cousin I thought it would be a little different than some random guy!
This is hard this dating lark!

OP posts:
izzyizin · 16/04/2012 15:13

It seems you've got the wrong idea about dating sites. The objective is to meet lots of guys with a view to finding one (or more) that you can form a meaningful relationship with and, for any sane and rational individual, this takes a lot longer than an hour spent over a coffee.

Come on! I spend considerably more than a hour choosing new or replacement domestic applicances and I certainly wouldn't go 'exclusive' on an appliance I know little about no matter how highly it came recommended by family or friends.

This guy has already lied about his age Hmm As a 'single dad with 4 kids' he's most probably looking for a maid of all work with benefits and set on interviewing as many applicants as possible. Don't say you haven't been warned!

ImperialBlether · 16/04/2012 15:25

The thing is that you were on the site, too! Every time he was on, you were on!

ImperialBlether · 16/04/2012 15:26

I think you shouldn't sleep with someone off a site unless you've agreed you are actually going out together and you both take your profiles down. Saves a lot of heartache.

PullUpAPew · 16/04/2012 15:29

I'd be worried about someone who wasn't upfront about his age and his kids, so if I were you I would keep looking too and take it really slowly.

Original poster
Gemsiepoos · 16/04/2012 15:49

Ok Iv come across a little crazy but I assure you Im sane just not used to this internet dating.
Im NOT saying I want his commitment just was unsure of what was right and what was wrong in this situation. Iv taken everyones views and appreciate your time.
I havnt slept with him, not even kissed.
I trust my cousins judgement.
Im gonna try and chill, or maybe this dating lark is not for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gemsiepoos · 16/04/2012 15:51

I was only checking to see if he was on there.
I cant do this anyway, Im coming off there.
Maybe Im meant to be single. I just dont like the emotional feeling

OP posts:
GinPalace · 16/04/2012 15:53

I'm sure you aren't 'meant to be single'

If it feels icky just let him know you wouldn't want it to continue if it became a relationship - he should be fine with that. :)

waltermittymissus · 16/04/2012 15:58

Why did he lie about his age? Seems a bit weird, no?

Tbh if he's lying about that the cynic in me would be wondering what else he's lying about!

FashionEaster · 16/04/2012 15:58

The idea is not to put all your eggs in one basket but to meet a range of people, just as you would if you were say single and at uni, meeting other like-mindish people of a similar age, for instance.

Out of interest, what reason did he give for not being honest about his age?