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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is he interested?

73 replies

Gemsiepoos · 16/04/2012 14:21

Ok I will try and keep it short!
I really need some views on something. Tell me straight!
My cousin set mailed me telling me a friend of hers was interested in me through seeing me on fb!
Im on a dating site and a few days ago a guy mailed me and it was him, anyway we arranged to meet. Then he told me his age was 45 not 39 which it states on his profile, he explained why and I was cool although he is 11 years older than me. Then he told me he was a single dad to 4 children, which again I said ok cool.
We met for one hour and I liked him and he text straight after and said he would like to take me out again.
Tell me if Im wrong but I went on the site the next day to see if he was on and he was. I explained that if we were agreeing to see eacthother again its not fair as its like hes saying im lovely but not lovely enough. I know we have only just met but at least give me a chance right?
Anyway we have chatted and text he seems keen. Today again hes on there so i say to him look are we dating other people whilst hooking up together when we can cos of the distance (about 40mins) he then said he is definitely interested and then in another text he says im free to do what i please???
Please tell me what this means? Why should i make the effort to travel if he isnt feeling too positive about it?

OP posts:

HellonHeels · 16/04/2012 19:59

Awww Gin!

GinPalace · 16/04/2012 20:03

Personally, I would be more concerned about him having 4 children than anything, hard to see the relationship could go anywhere other than a fling as it would inevitably be so unequal. :s

GinPalace · 16/04/2012 20:04

Hell Oh I love it when cats do that!!! Wish you were my cat!!!

curiositykitten · 16/04/2012 20:07

His spare time should be spent with you????

FFS you've known him an hour. You've not even arranged to see each other again!

GinPalace · 16/04/2012 20:10

Ah but he is fully committed interested

I am struggling with that view to be honest, sorry. Not actively seeking other romantic dalliances I can get, but spare time reserved for a possible girlfriend is a bit run-for-the-hills.

SarahStratton · 16/04/2012 20:35

Hell, I too am 45 in a couple of months. The Beast draws closer and closer. :(

Where did OP go?

Jellykat · 16/04/2012 20:58

Well i beat you all - 49 in 4 months, reckon i'm 50% beast by now..
This guy must surely be an Adonis

Enough of the piss taking OP, i can see where you're coming from re. self worth and boundaries, just think it's way too early to put them in place.

Also i have to admit i don't like him very much so far.. be careful

doctordwt · 16/04/2012 22:31

Just spend some time getting to know him before bothering about any of this official stuff :)

...and it's YOU deciding whether to give him a chance too, yes? not just you trying to please him...

CaramelisedOnion · 17/04/2012 01:19

I would not worry about whether he is interested - I´d worry about why he lied about a major factor about himself and thinks its ok to refer to women as "beasts" on a first date however old they are.

There is a thread here about red flags. Have a butchers at it - you are seeing some red flags right now!

PooPooInMyToes · 17/04/2012 07:58

I think she's too desperate to take any notice of red flags!

Bluepetticoat · 17/04/2012 08:03

As everyone has said- you sound very immature. It's like you are 14- you have been out with a guy once and, like a 14 year old, you think you are now "dating" exclusively.

Did you ever do much dating in the past?

Until such a time as you both openly discuss commitment and exclusivity, you are both free to date anyone else.

You need a crash course in dating etiquette dear.

Original poster

Gemsiepoos · 17/04/2012 08:25

It was just a question that i had asked!
Poopoo Im not desparate and dont refer to me as she!
I respect this site for the open and honest feed back! You dont know me and you have had your say, but you keep digging! Im not interested in what you have to say any more.
Thanks for all of the feed back.
Im new to the site and new to dating after a not so nice break up!
If someone could please put me in the right direction of deleting this post!

OP posts:

SarahStratton · 17/04/2012 08:39

Jesus, don't go in AIBU OP. And don't be so bloody rude, you asked and you've had some very wise posters on here giving you their opinion, which is what you asked for. They've spent time reading your posts and considering your options for you.

If you didn't want to hear an opposing view, why bother asking?

Original poster

Gemsiepoos · 17/04/2012 08:46

Iv stated i appreciate them and thankful.
I have my advice and would like to delete the post

OP posts:

SarahStratton · 17/04/2012 08:52

Mumsnet don't delete threads just because you want them to. You have to have a justifiable reason.

Being cross because nobody agrees with you isn't one of them.

Original poster

Gemsiepoos · 17/04/2012 08:55

Oh another polite person.
Hide it then?

OP posts:

waltermittymissus · 17/04/2012 08:57

Yuk - he lied about his age to attract younger women so he wouldn't have to date "beasts"? Creep.

OP, you might not mean to but you do come across (to me) as a little needy. Bare that in mind when you're dealing with the knobber him.

SarahStratton · 17/04/2012 09:01

Actually the last thing you should do is hide it. You need to calm down, go away and think about what everyone, to the last poster, has said on here.

Generally, if 30 people say X when you think Y, those 30 people are the right ones. Particularly when there's no emotional involvement on their part.

izzyizin · 17/04/2012 15:17

What you are perceiving as criticism is well-intended advice from those who are a) experienced in these matters and b) have your best interests at heart.

After 'a not so nice break up', it's probable that your self-esteem is low and that your judgement is skewed which is why you are coming across as being excessively needy in your demand that, after an hour long meeting, this unpleasant sounding man devotes himself and his spare time entirely to you.

If the 'not so nice break up' was recent, take time to rediscover yourself before you embark on the dating scene and, whether you are meeting men online or in rl, don't seek exclusivity until you have reason to believe that the guy is everything he claims to be - and this won't happen until you know him for some considerable time and have met his friends/family etc.

I hope you'll avoid an 'out of the frying pan, into the fire' situation, but if you should find yourself sizzling on undesirable hot coals you'll always find wise counsel here.

piratecat · 17/04/2012 17:17

i think izzyizin's post is fantastic op.

come back, because, as you said you are new to mn, dating, etc... many of us have had similar experiences.

I think, although say you are ok with it, those porkies he told have had more bearing on you than you are quite conscious of. Trust issue right there, and of course you didn't want to make a huge deal out of them as they took you by surprise and you just didn't know truly how that made you feel.

Your subsequent action of being so full on about exclusivity, was based on your insecurity yes, but ALSO because he kept things from you.

DON'T try and see things in a person that aren't there, this includes wonderful good things, just becuase you WANT them to be wonderful, good and the answer to problems.

CaramelisedOnion · 19/04/2012 13:05

piratecat pretty much has it in a nutshell. listen to her, OP!

SarahBumBarer · 19/04/2012 15:32

Gosh OP you really don't get internet dating do you?

Were you in your last relationship a long time? I ask only because you seem to have a very British schoolgirl attitude towards dating (ie once you have been on one date you are "seeing them"). I don't mean to be rude it is just that is how it was always done when I was a school whereas internet dating is much more like American dating - ie you date people (plural) and over time (not necessarily that long but certainly more than over coffee) perhaps whittle them down and if all goes well you form a relationship. I met my DH on an internet site and we were exlcusive pretty quickly but it as several weeks before we had the convo and I would have been very unimpressed had he suggested over the first evening out (let alone a quick coffee) that he thought I should no longer be using the dating site we met on!

And "beasts" is pretty tame. Have you actually seen (let alone met the reality) of some people (men and women) on these sites? And the dating thread on here is just as uncomplimentary (hilariously so) about some of the men on the dating sites!

MissFaversham · 19/04/2012 15:56

Oh dear OP..

He lied about his age... um ok, but why?
He didn't openly declare 4 kids - ummm
He calls older members of the opposite sex "beasts" - nice

I can understand that internet dating isn't for everyone and you do have to develop a rather thick skin.

You don't sound up to this sort of stuff at the mo.

Other reasons he may not be such a catch.

4 kids and lives a bit too far away

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