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Original poster

Swinging!

75 replies

Blondeinlondon · 07/02/2006 17:39

Swinging - this topic came up recently in conversation with some friends, one of whom participates in this
Now pre-marriage and child I thought it was perfectly okay etc but now I think I disapprove!

What does the mumsnet jury think?

Is swinging socially acceptable? For everyone? For the childless? What if you are married and your kids find out about it?

OP posts:
cupcakes · 07/02/2006 17:41

euugh. I met a swinging couple the other week. They were weird.
no no no.

munz · 07/02/2006 17:45

erm nope nupe def not, one of my friends was into it - they wanted drinks with mea nd DH, (we agreed in town) then they were talking to us seperatly about sex etc - at which point we took our leave and went - DH is now afraid we'll be swingled (in his words lol)

each to his own and all but it's def not for us.

CoolTurkey · 07/02/2006 17:48

Not for me. Am far too inhibited.

Trophywife · 07/02/2006 17:50

my ex was in to swinging (one of many reasons hes now EX) he tried to get me into it, was only 19 at the time, didnt like the idea them and most certainly dont like it now, esp not married with 1 ds and 1 in the oven.

GDG · 07/02/2006 17:52

Eeew, no, not for me!

I think between all consenting adults and with no children involved, it's up to them. Where children are involved I think it's too dangerous, too risky. I think when you have children you owe it to them to do all you can to provide a stable home life (I know it's not always possible but I'm talking ideally) and this runs too high a risk of jeapordising that.

alexsmum · 07/02/2006 17:53

whats the point in saying when you get married' and forsaking all others keep thee only unto him ' if you are then going to shag other people IN FRONT of your husband? yuk a big no !

Tortington · 07/02/2006 17:56

i wouldnt want to do it. but i do see the attraction of doing it.

expatinscotland · 07/02/2006 17:58

I think it's stupid, tbh. Want to go screw around and cheat? Go do it. But don't say it's somehow enlightening your relationship. Just call it what it is: screwing around.

Not saying this in a judgemental way, b/c heaven knows I had my fun back in the day before I met DH and had kids.

But puh-leeze.

It's usually one partner who's into it and the other goes along w/it b/c they don't have the self-esteem to tell the player to bog off.

Feistybird · 07/02/2006 18:00

I just don't think it's sustainable to be sleeping with others when you're in a relationship - and if you're not in a relationship and 'swinging' - well isn't that just shagging around?

wannaBe1974 · 07/02/2006 18:04

Each to their own and all that but .. no thanks. Apart from anything else, if you were having sex with someone else and your DH was as well, wouldn't there be the fear that one of you might develop actual feelings for that person? I would be terrified that my DH might shag someone more attractive than me, and go off me as a result.

expatinscotland · 07/02/2006 18:06

All those diseases you can catch, even w/a condom. Eeewww.

munz · 07/02/2006 18:13

WB - exactly, besides - I get stressed out and scared if someone tried to chat me up in morrions - lol i'm married after all it's not the done thing! lol.

Rhubarb · 07/02/2006 18:16

I've often talked to dh about having an open relationship. I know I'd pull more than him you see so for me I think it's a great idea!

Greensleeves · 07/02/2006 18:20

I'm the opposite. I know if we decided to try swinging (God forbid) I would end up spending night after night getting drunk on my own while watching DH getting his end away with much nicer-looking women than me. No thanks. And it's gut-lurchingly sordid anyway.

madmarchhare · 07/02/2006 18:21

Its not for me, but I dont have a problem with it. I dont think it makes any difference if youre married and have kids as long as both parties are happy with it.

Dior · 07/02/2006 18:48

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Blondeinlondon · 07/02/2006 18:52

I've thought about it and I think I just don't want my DH to shag anyone apart from me

OP posts:
robinpud · 07/02/2006 18:53

check this out Nottingham is swinging!

Dior · 07/02/2006 18:54

Message withdrawn

Blandmum · 07/02/2006 18:55

Why get married if this is what you want to do?

I don;'t understand that.

I made vows that I would stay faithful. Why say one thing and do another?

If you are single, fine, do whatever you want

Spidermama · 07/02/2006 19:08

This is big in Brighton. Apparently.

I also disapprove because in the 70s, when it was really big, my mum and dad did wife swapping. My dad left my mum for the woman and is still with her now. What's more she's a right old witch and ruined my teenage years.

Not that I'm bitter.

GDG · 07/02/2006 19:19

I think it does matter if you have children - you may be happy with it to start with but it's just asking for a marriage break-up - best avoided if at all possible when you have children I'd have thought.

Agree MB - if you don't wnat to remain faithful then what's the point of getting married and saying you will be. A girl I used to work with had an 'open relationship' - I just couldn't get my head round it. The thought of dh sleeping with someone else makes me feel sick.

alexsmum · 07/02/2006 19:36

gdg- i agree watching dh make it with someone else would make me hurl not hormy.

Greensleeves · 07/02/2006 19:36

Dirty buggers.

tribpot · 07/02/2006 19:40

A bisexual friend of mine had an arrangement with his (bisexual) girlfriend that they would only indulge in casual sex with members of their own sex, if you see what I mean. So her shacking up with a woman whilst he was away on business during the week was okay (she even brought the woman to their bed, and in fact he met her several times - urgh). But her sleeping with another bloke was a no-no.

Equally it was alright for him to be shagging blokes in the week (including people from our client organisation, generally a bad idea regardless of gender!) but no women.

It all struck me as highly mad. I'm sure they considered swinging little more than weekend recreation, to be honest.

However, also worth noting they were Swedish, and this was in Sweden. Things are a bit different there!