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Original poster

Swinging!

75 replies

Blondeinlondon · 07/02/2006 17:39

Swinging - this topic came up recently in conversation with some friends, one of whom participates in this
Now pre-marriage and child I thought it was perfectly okay etc but now I think I disapprove!

What does the mumsnet jury think?

Is swinging socially acceptable? For everyone? For the childless? What if you are married and your kids find out about it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Blondeinlondon · 07/02/2006 21:04

bumping for the late evening folk

OP posts:
Beetroot · 07/02/2006 21:05

I have no interest in it but if peopel want to do it then consenting adults an all that

motherinferior · 07/02/2006 21:09

I know people with very happy, workable, non-monogamous relationships. It wouldn't work for me as I am a jealous obsessive old bag, but I can see that it's much more honest to face head-on the pitfalls of claiming that you'll never, every fancy anyone ever again as long as you live

Rhubarb · 07/02/2006 21:15

MI, you mean you fancy other men! How could you!!!! Don't you know that is adultery in your head? I have NEVER fancied anyone apart from my beloved dh and he was the only one and then only after we were married!

Did I tell you my mum was a nun?

Tortington · 07/02/2006 22:43

i hear you broke it off with luke the JCB man

motherinferior · 07/02/2006 22:44

Ah, but you see, I'm not married

harpsichordcarrier · 07/02/2006 22:49

I don't know if it's socially acceptable but the thought makes me vom
I mean - how can that kind of sex be pleasureable
sorry to be crude, but that's just genitals rubbing together
passion? tenderness? respect??
horrible, sleazy and horrible
but I am probably biassed because I know some people who's parents got up to this kind of thing in the 70s and left a big fkn mess all round

roosmum · 07/02/2006 22:53

good post harpsi.

'it's just genitals' - horrible...SO much more to (good) sex than that!

JonesTheSteam · 07/02/2006 23:03

One word.

Weird!!

Tortington · 07/02/2006 23:24

i find the idea of it sexy and erotic.

moondog · 07/02/2006 23:28

Hmmm,the people involved never seem to be though do they custy??

moondog · 07/02/2006 23:28

Swinging!

Fantastic retro expression!

Tortington · 07/02/2006 23:28

i suppose that would depend on the kind of people you know.

Pruni · 07/02/2006 23:32

Message withdrawn

bigdirtysecret · 08/02/2006 07:58

I've been to a swingers club! This was pre-dh and baby after I broke up a long, long relationship!
The idea turned me on, I wanted see what it was like with another woman.
I ended up not finding anyone attractive, and didn't even talk to anyone (except the x i was with), we went off together and spent the evening in a secluded place on our own. It was a really nice place, like a healthclub with saunas and swimming pool, and of course other things as well...
I'm glad I went, it was an interesting experience but not interesting enough to repeat!
It was like watching porn, the thought of it may excite you but the people are real and don't!

wilbur · 08/02/2006 08:28

I'd quite like to swap dh for another dh who would do all the stuff around the house that needs attention. Wouldn't want to have sex with him tho. Unless it was Joaquin Phoenix.

I know two couples with children who have tried the open marriage / wife swapping thing. They have both since split up, but then I think they only tried it as a last resort to spice up a dying marriage.

motherinferior · 08/02/2006 10:00

Yes, I think that it's frequently a last gasp (fnar fnar) attempt to keep things going.

The people I know in workable non-monogamous relationships don't have kids, btw.

NotQuiteCockney · 08/02/2006 10:06

I guess I was in a non-monogamous relationship for a while, pre-dh and pre-kids. (Dating two men, one in the UK, one in Canada. They knew about each other. It went on for a year.) It was fine, at the time.

But no, swinging doesn't appeal. And I sowed my wild oats plenty before DH, so I'm happy to just have him now.

kleggie · 08/02/2006 10:30

I know two couples who regularly swing (with each other). They both have children and at least two of the children are products of the swinging and not exclusively from one couple. They are open about it in adult company (pretty sure the children don't know) and seem very relaxed about the whole thing.

Having said that...

They all dress like it's 1974, listen to terrible acid jazz and are the weirdest people I know.

On a personal level . I'm sure there was something in my marriage vows about 'faithful unto thee only and not boffing the moustachioed man and his cornbeef-legged wife from up the road'.

BudaBabe · 08/02/2006 11:05

Love your vows Kleggie - very romantic!!!

Were talking about swinging over New Year with some friends. Did you know that Pampas grass in a garden is a sign to those in the know that swingers live in the house???

Heard from someone who heard from someone etc. Appartently you can check it out on web!

lazyanna · 08/02/2006 11:38

if my DH suggested it, I'd change the locks

NotQuiteCockney · 08/02/2006 12:35

Somewhere, I read a list of "coded" relationship announcements. "Let's have an open relationship" really means "Ha! I already am!"

harpsichordcarrier · 08/02/2006 13:08

pampas grass?? really??????
my in laws used to have that

NotQuiteCockney · 08/02/2006 13:10

I think the pampas grass thing is mythical. I did do a websearch for it, and it came up as "probably not true".

Think about it, you wouldn't want to approach someone for swinging, based on their taste in shrubbery, and be brushed off, so I expect people with these interests used to find themselves via drunken chats, and specialist magazines etc.

bundle · 08/02/2006 13:13

it was in that dreadful Comic Strip presents..drama at Christmas NCQ...the pampas grass thing