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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice needed

54 replies

SHARAN1 · 08/04/2012 08:56

I need help and can't find a way out,can anyone advice me.I'am married but consider myself 2 be a single parent,I have one daughter from a previous marriage.Idon't no were 2 start,the thing is I have been married almost 4 years .My situation is so bad,that I don't no what 2 do.I have no money and have not had anything 2 eat for the last 2 wks..My husband has never given me any money since we have been married.I have been living off 80 pounds child benefit and 200 pounds child maintence.That's all my daughter and I live off a month. after paying for school dinners,travel cost for the both of us and phone bill theirs not much left..My daughter and I are suffering,we are not allowed 2 sit down stairs and watch tv or allowed in any rooms...my daughter and I stay in our bedroom all day.Nobody talks 2 us.I can't use the washing machine ,so I have 2 hand wash my clothes and hange them in the shower as I'm not allowed in the garden..my mother in law tells me she prayers to god that my daughter and I die.I asked my husband if we can cliam tax credits as it would help me out,I told him that we were only entitled to 40 pounds and that it would help me pay for my daughters school dinners but he does not sign as his parents have told him not to.I can't claim anything as I'm married 2 him.I need glasses but can't afford the,I can't afford medicine I need,can't afford 2 go 2 the dentice,so I suffer.U must be thinking,just leave but its not that easy.My daughters 8 and I feel for her,she adds up things in myshopping basket,if she thinks it cost 2 much,she start putting some off the food back.pleasehelp,advice needed can I get financial assistance

OP posts:
Original poster
SHARAN1 · 08/04/2012 09:08

Thanks everyone for your advice,2 day I can't stop crying,don't want them 2 see or find out as they will think I'm weak.Can't even cry bec they listern at my door.Today as always I can do 2 things walk around all day out side,were ever my legs will take. me till late,I do this oftern drop my daughter off at school from 9am till 3.10 I walk around as I don't have money 2 do anything.I pick my daughter u,go library till itcloses.then get her some thing simple 2 eat then home,if u can call it that.Or the other thing I can do is stay in my room all day.

OP posts:
ErikNorseman · 08/04/2012 09:54

You need to leave him. He is abusive. You can call women's aid for informed advice.

Original poster
SHARAN1 · 08/04/2012 10:06

Somebody please help me

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/04/2012 10:09

where are your family? parents or siblings?

ohdearwhatdoidonow · 08/04/2012 10:12

1st you need to get out just go. Are you in the UK?

Go to the nearest police station or church and ask for help!

Don't worry about what you don't have with you that can all be sorted.

Just go now!

MarieFromStMoritz · 08/04/2012 10:15

Oh, what an awful situation. You need to leave - immediately. Summon up the strength to do so, for your DD's sake, as well as yours.

catsareevil · 08/04/2012 10:15

Can you leave?

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 08/04/2012 10:16

Get your documents together, and leave. Go to your local police station - or call Womens Aid, they will help you to go.

Nobody needs to live in a situation like yours. Are you in the UK?

Original poster
SHARAN1 · 08/04/2012 10:20

He broke my phone charger 2day was really angry,he pulled it out of the wall,really scared me.I rang the police as I thought he was going 2 use the wire 2 strangle me or something but that was not the case.so I hanged up the call. Now his gone down to eat breakfast,which his mum makes for him and I can hear them talking about me.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/04/2012 10:22

ring the police again

Original poster
SHARAN1 · 08/04/2012 10:23

I live in walsall,west midlands

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/04/2012 10:24

Where are your own family? or your daughters father?

Original poster
SHARAN1 · 08/04/2012 10:25

Its really hard 2 leave,if your asian then u will understand

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/04/2012 10:27

I did suspect you were asian, but that still doesnt mean you need to put up with this treatment. Please just walk out, with your daughter or ring the police and ask them to come and help you leave. They will do it. You do not have to live like this. Think of your daughter, she has no choice. YOU DO.

Original poster
SHARAN1 · 08/04/2012 10:27

Daughters father is not around anymore,he has his own family

OP posts:
Ktmacca4 · 08/04/2012 10:30

Sharani, if you stay you are putting yourself and your daughter in danger. Leave the house when you can - pretend you are going for a walk - and go to the nearest church or police station. Ask someone to ring Women's Aid for you. There is help out there. Do not hold yourself back because of the Asian issue - you are a human being before you are Asian and you are entitled to live without fear. Go today. Don't think about it or plan it. Just GO.

MadameOvary · 08/04/2012 10:36

Sharan, there is an organisation called Shakti - Women's Aid for Asian Women. I will see if there is one in your area.

MarieFromStMoritz · 08/04/2012 10:37

Could these guys help, does anybody think? I don't live in the UK, so don't know, but thought it might help:

SafeHouse

AutumnSummers · 08/04/2012 10:39

I realise that you may find it hard for cultural reasons to leave this man, but there IS A WAY OUT. Go to Woman's Aid IMMEDIATELY. They can help you, but you have to help yourself first by going to them.

BertieBotts · 08/04/2012 10:40

You say that after picking her up from school you visit the library. What would you think about visiting the police or council building, or talking to somebody at the library? I promise you they will not think you are weak.

There are services and people who will help you. You are not alone, and you are not weak, you are a strong person for surviving this. There are even services who specialise in helping Asian women, they will understand, and the other ones will have helped women in your situation before, Asian women and white women, domestic violence affects every race, colour, creed.

neuroticmumof3 · 08/04/2012 10:40

Sharan, there is lots of help out there for you. You could contact your local social services department as your daughter is being abused/neglected. Or try Karma Nirvana on 08005999247. If you can't call them look on their website for advice. They will understand the cultural difficulties that you face as well as the abuse you are experiencing. Financial abuse is very common as part of domestic abuse as it's an excellent control mechanism. Your situation sounds horrendous, please keep posting for support. You're being extremely brave just by coming on here.

BertieBotts · 08/04/2012 10:46

WAITS - Women's action for black & minority ethnic women in the West Midlands

Women's Aid Page for black, Asian and minority ethnic women

Walsall Domestic Violence services - Warning this plays a video with sound when you open the page.

Where are you accessing the internet from? I am worried he might find this thread. Do you know how to clear your internet history?

struwelpeter · 08/04/2012 10:47

Take any documents you can get your hands on, take your daughter and walk into a police station and ask to speak to domestic violence officer or anyone. If you see a community police officer go up to them and ask for help.
A church may be able to help you too, as in any religion there are good people who will help for a love of humanity not for any particular faith.
It doesn't have to be physical violence for you to get help.
This man is killing you slowly by his abuse.

MadameOvary · 08/04/2012 10:47

Aven House is in Walsall. I can call on your behalf if you want?

BertieBotts · 08/04/2012 10:48

If a number begins 0800 or 0808, it will be free from any landline or payphone, but it costs money to call from a mobile and will show up on a phone bill.

If it begins 0845 or 0870 it will always cost and show up.

If it begins 0300, it will be free from a landline or phone box and will act as a local call on a mobile phone.