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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Advice needed

54 replies

SHARAN1 · 08/04/2012 08:56

I need help and can't find a way out,can anyone advice me.I'am married but consider myself 2 be a single parent,I have one daughter from a previous marriage.Idon't no were 2 start,the thing is I have been married almost 4 years .My situation is so bad,that I don't no what 2 do.I have no money and have not had anything 2 eat for the last 2 wks..My husband has never given me any money since we have been married.I have been living off 80 pounds child benefit and 200 pounds child maintence.That's all my daughter and I live off a month. after paying for school dinners,travel cost for the both of us and phone bill theirs not much left..My daughter and I are suffering,we are not allowed 2 sit down stairs and watch tv or allowed in any rooms...my daughter and I stay in our bedroom all day.Nobody talks 2 us.I can't use the washing machine ,so I have 2 hand wash my clothes and hange them in the shower as I'm not allowed in the garden..my mother in law tells me she prayers to god that my daughter and I die.I asked my husband if we can cliam tax credits as it would help me out,I told him that we were only entitled to 40 pounds and that it would help me pay for my daughters school dinners but he does not sign as his parents have told him not to.I can't claim anything as I'm married 2 him.I need glasses but can't afford the,I can't afford medicine I need,can't afford 2 go 2 the dentice,so I suffer.U must be thinking,just leave but its not that easy.My daughters 8 and I feel for her,she adds up things in myshopping basket,if she thinks it cost 2 much,she start putting some off the food back.pleasehelp,advice needed can I get financial assistance

OP posts:

Bohica · 08/04/2012 11:04

You can tell your DD's school or walk into you local police station.

Mama1980 · 08/04/2012 11:16

Grab any official documents you can and take your child and walk out go to women's aid, church, the police station anywhere. Go today.

Original poster

SHARAN1 · 08/04/2012 11:43

Can't think straight ,has mum just had a go at me.Since the last 3 half years they have nt spoken 2 me.The thing is ,I have so much anger in me and I do say nasty things 2 him.He tells his mum everything which makes me angry.His brother calls me B***H and my daughter gets upset.she asked me were my letters go,as they don't get much.what's it to them.

OP posts:

TequilaMockinBird · 08/04/2012 11:50

Sharan, you need to leave, not just for your own sake but for your daughters.

Just go, walk in to a police station and tell them what's been happening. Nobody should live like this, nobody.

Mama1980 · 08/04/2012 11:55

Don't think just leave you really have to for your child s sale as well as your own

changeforthebetter · 08/04/2012 12:02

Please take care and get out. You and your daughter deserve so much more.

I am having a rough time at the moment but feel ashamed to moan as your situation is so dreadful. I really hope you can muster the strength to get away. Please take care.

squeakytoy · 08/04/2012 12:04

do you have any of your own family in this country?

struwelpeter · 08/04/2012 12:15

Don't worry about what they think or what you have said in anger. Everyone has the right to be angry especially in the situation you are in. No one who has you and your daughter's best interests at heart will blame you. You have been abused for three and a half years.
There is nothing in this marriage you can make better. He and his family are the abusers. You and your daughter deserve more and will have a good life out of the situation.

Sweepitundertherug · 08/04/2012 12:18

Sweetheart, you must leave.
You have had some numbers given on here, but honestly, get out and go to the nearest police station.
Take care x

Original poster

SHARAN1 · 08/04/2012 12:29

Thank u everyone,feel as if I have someone on my side,feel less alone now.I'm using my phone and will clear history.his down startes,I don't use my phone in front of him as he broke my last U.can I ask u all for one thing,remember me in your prayers as I need the strenght 2 leave.

OP posts:

MarieFromStMoritz · 08/04/2012 12:37

Sharan, you have the strength and we are all behind you. Just dial one of the numbers that posters have suggested. Just do it without even thinking. I guarantee, you will not regret it.

AutumnSummers · 08/04/2012 12:40

What Marie said. All the best. Keeping you in my thoughts (Hugs). Please update us as to what happens next.

MadameOvary · 08/04/2012 13:23

Please keep posting. Many of us on Mumsnet have left abusive relationships and so can you.

Ktmacca4 · 08/04/2012 13:29

Just RING xx

PeelingBells · 08/04/2012 13:32

Sharan,

You will find the strength that is within you to remove yourself and your daughter from this nightmare. Posting on here is a very strong first step.

There are lots of very wonderful and wise women on here.

We are all rooting for you.

It is NOT OKAY how they are treating you both, your anger is a warning sign that you must leave. Reach out as you have been doing and you will find the support that you need.

rhondajean · 08/04/2012 13:40

Oh sharan you have all the prayers I can possibly muster, you need to get out, is there maybe even a teacher at your daughters school that you could speak to and let know what is happening?

Be strong xx

rhondajean · 08/04/2012 13:43

Sorry schools are on holiday aren't they, and I don't think you can wait another week, you are in fear for your life.

Women's aid, police or out of hours social work. Karma nirvana are fabulous btw, I have heard their founder speak. There are people out there who understand and have come from your background and got out of awful situations. Xx

marmiteonmykeyboard · 08/04/2012 13:50

Your local social work centre will have an out of hours service. If you ring any social work office you will hear a recorded message giving you the number. (That is the case where I live). Ring them.Your daughter is at risk of abuse/is already being abused. You will be believed. You will be helped. You are innocent. Get out today. You are very brave and have shown tremendous resilience but what you are doing is not even existing. You deserve a full,contended and safe life. Much love.

Original poster

SHARAN1 · 08/04/2012 13:56

Thank u everyone from the bottom of my heart.x I really feel sick at the moment.What's going to happpen next.won't beable 2 post ,as he could come up anytime.wish he was at work.

OP posts:

izzyizin · 08/04/2012 14:26

You don't need the strength to leave - you just need the strength to tell other people what is happening to you and, as you've already done that here, it won't be hard for you to do it in real life.

When you are next out walking with your daughter, or after you've taken her to school, go to the The AAINA Women's Centre, Bath Road, Caldmore - tel 01922 644006 - which is open Mon-Fri 9am-6pm and 11am-4pm on Saturdays.

Or call Kiran Asian Women's Aid on 0208 588 1986 - although based in London they have contact with projects and refuges all over the UK.

Alternatively, as has been suggested, you can go into any police station and ask them to put you in touch with an Asian women's aid group in the West Midlands or tell your daughter's Headteacher that you need help to leave this abusive environment and s/he will make the necessary phone calls which will enable you to never have to go back to your mil's house.

Take as much as you can with you - wear extra clothes and put additional clothes for your dd, any items that are especially precious to you, and documents such as your passports etc, in her schoolbag.

Thousands of Asian women have used the police and refuge services to leave abusive marriages - and YOU can do it too.

TheQueenOfSparta · 08/04/2012 14:31

Please please, be strong and get out. If not for you, for your little girl. Be strong, you are in my thoughts. You can do it. You and your daughter deserve so much better. Please be strong.

TribbleWithoutACause · 08/04/2012 14:32

Please leave him, it will get worse. It won't get better. You are a human being, you don't deserve to be treated like this.

Go, get your daughter, get on a train and GET OUT!! You can do it, you really can. You just need to walk out of the front door and never ever go back.

BertieBotts · 08/04/2012 20:42

Will be thinking of you, Sharan and your DD and willing you the strength to tell someone. Just imagine being free, your DD being able to go where she wants, when she wants, and have enough to eat and a nice bedroom you can decorate any way you like.

You don't need money to leave or documents or anything, if you have to go with the clothes on your back, that is enough. (Of course it's helpful if you can take other things, but don't let it stop you.) You can reapply for documents later if you have no chance to get them.

Your DD will be back at school next week, so hold on to that if you don't get a chance to go sooner.

Mama1980 · 09/04/2012 07:37

Bump

Ktmacca4 · 09/04/2012 12:20

How are you Sharan1?

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