Found a mobile phone in h's bag

[MilkMonitor]

So, h has given up smoking. He came home last night reeking of fags on his breath and hands. I told him he smelled and asked if he'd been smoking. He said no and said he'd been talking to colleagues outside his building who smoke. Sounded like a 1980's teen (me!) saying he'd been sitting on the top deck of the bus to me but I left it. He was so weary so I made him a cup of tea whilst he got ready for bed.

I woke up at 2am with him draped over me, still stinking of cigarettes. So, I got up and looked in his work bag. No fags but a tiny mobile phone was there. Pin locked. It's a tiny cheap Nokia. H is a strictly iPhone kind of guy.

Now, I had a total burst of panic especially after everything I've read about on MN about spare phones being used to conduct extra marital affairs.

I got back into to bed and asked h about it. I woke him up. He said he found it next to his car at the station car park and he would hand it in to lost property on Monday. I said I would do it and he said we would both do it. I asked why he wanted to do it and he said so he could tell them where he found it.

Now, I can't check the phone because it's pin locked. Does it all sound rum to you? I don't know what to think. He couldn't go back to sleep but wasn't angry about it like he normally would be. Neither could I so I started reading the paper on my iPhone. He kept asking me what I was doing etc. He did say it was typical of my negative brain to assume the worst and I replied that when confronted with unusual evidence, I had merely asked him albeit at 2am!

Am I being a berk?

OP, why are you so frightened of his reaction ?

If you are wrong, you will simply look a bit daft

If he were to make your lfe hell because of this, then it simply reinforces this is an untenable situation

I hope you have hidden that phone, because when you go for a "nap" your H is going to take it and throw it in the nearest river

Maybe I am missing something but why can't the OP just put the sim into her own phone? It's only temporary...it wont harm it will it? Then OP..you can read the messages and be done with this.

dont see what him smoking again has to do with an affair though.

I wouldn't necessarily take the fact that the phone hasn't rung as indicative of anything. I have a phone but for emergencies only - nobody else has the number so if I lost it there would be noone else to call it, and it would probably take me a few days to realize it was gone. If you have other reasons to be suspicious, then fair enough, but the fact that the phone hasn't rung in itself doesn't shout guilt to me.

Mary, re the smoking, surely it is anyones business whether they smoke or not, as long as they dont eg affect the kids by smoking in the house.

It is the fact that he lies which is the issue- smoking is just an example of it. The poster shouldnt force him to stop, in my vie but she should call him on the lying.

IME men who lie about small things get used to lying and it doesnt bother them, if it ever did. And that deceit is a good preparation for deceit of other kinds.

That is what I discovered the hard way re my own h.

AwkwardMary - I think she hasn't put it in her phone because she uses an iPhone and the sims are different to ordinary handsets.

Well when I was trying to give up smoking I lied a lot about it to DH....all the time...over a year. I wouldn't have an affair though.

Good grief, your poor husband! Sounds as though you maybe gave too much time on your hands.

TSC, your work experience sounds exactly like mine. Nothing like working in a male dominated environment to really have your eyes opened...

Although, you also get to see how genuinely decent men behave too... There just seem to be fewer of them in my industry.

to be honest it sounds to me like you want it to be more than what he is saying, maybe just so that you can be proved right

let it go, or work on the obvious issues in your relationship. i actually feel sorry for the poor sod

I'm pretty sure you'll need to contact the network for the PUK code - its not something you can guess like a pin.

If your instinct is telling you something may be up then I'd say go with it and hopefully rule out. (Or confirm) foul play. Your head will spin horribly if you leave it and try to ignore what your gut is telling you.

I personally think its a bit odd, I actually wouldn't pick up an abandoned phone if it was just a cheapy one that nobody else is likely to steal. I'd maybe at a push look for the last dialled numbers and contact someone to let them know (probably not though, depends where I'd found it)

My OH is like a magpie and would bring me the phone as soon as he got in from work and proudly show me and we'd try to locate the owner together. I'd be highly suspicious of a 'forgotten about' phone which hadn't rang since iit had been found, also the excuse about taking it to the station - is he generally the type of person to go out of his way to take a cheapy phone to a police station?

TBH I do find it a bit odd that you are all advising the OP to unlock the phone when it may genuiely belong to someone else and is therefore their property...

How are you now OP ?

Just getting through the day. Will have to wait until Monday before I can do anything phone.

I bet I can't do anything with it and will just have to wait for further proof.

Have you got a friend whose phone you could borrow? You can get a cheap nokia for less than £20 including the compulsory pyo sim.

what will you say when he asks for the phone ?

OP what was the outcome of that other thread when everyone was convinced he was having an affair with your friend who also had a surprise pregnancy?

Well, my friend's baby died at 9 weeks. She asked me to look after her toddler whilst she and her dh went for a 12 week scan to find there was no heartbeat. She had to have surgery then. That was grim.

If h asks for the phone back, I'll just say I'll take it to the station lost property office tomorrow. He's not back from work yet. And I'm not bloody calling him at his desk to check up on him either.

I feel strangely indifferent now. It's been a tumultuous six months and I guess there is only so much emotional energy one can invest and can be bothered to invest.

And I genuinely don't think he had an affair with her.

Having read your other postings - he sounds like an abusive twat with very little respect for you and his marriage. He really has not made an effort.

No wonder you are exhausted and indifferent

I asked my STBX if he was cheating and he said 'When do I have the time I'm either here or at work' turns out he was lying and yes he was cheating.

Check the SIM.

Same here red

And here,

and here