Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I know its over, this is what I want, I'm just sad...

99 replies

ParsleyTheLioness · 30/03/2012 19:11

Some of you know the story from previous threads. I was the one whose fwit dh signed up for on-line dating after me and dd wouldn't go owl-watching with him one night. You couldn't make it up. EA for years, but just upped the ante, and then had a holiday from Hell, after which I got him to move out. Briefly toyed with the idea that the marriage might be salvageable with counselling, so talked about the possibility without actually getting back together. Quickly became obvious that he had no intention of changing his abusive ways, lying about everything including stuff too trivial to be worth it, etc. Originally said lets wait two years then go for seperated two years route. Have thought that I don't want this 'hanging' for that long, I am anxious among other things that he will try and screw me financially, as I have larger equity in house that idiot of a solicitor knew about and could have taken steps to protect on house purchase. So have mentioned tonight the posibility of just getting divorced, me to petition with the minimum necessary to get it through, and to try and resolve finances without all monies used up in legal fees. Has agreed, and said, "yes, I was thinking that" which has been response to me suggesting no point in counselling etc. Got to have been his idea. I am not at all suprised, but still sad, that we are in this position through his fuckwittery, and he has had no interest in fighting for the marriage. I doubt if I could forgive his years of horribleness, but I am just...sad. Say something comforthing if you can. I just would like to see a point where I might be happy again.

OP posts:
ParsleyTheLioness · 19/04/2012 17:08

Well, I have woman-handled the enormous air conditioning unit, that he wanted and then never really used, downstairs. This will save him going upstairs to my bedroom when he comes for the rest of his stuff. Quite pleased with myself really.

OP posts:
PillarBoxRedRoses · 19/04/2012 17:16

Impressed!

ParsleyTheLioness · 19/04/2012 17:21

Thanks. It was expensive and another bloody toy he wanted

OP posts:
PillarBoxRedRoses · 19/04/2012 17:24

There's a tv wider than the wall it sits against in our dining room. Never watched it!

ParsleyTheLioness · 19/04/2012 18:51

He'll be wanting that back then...err, if its wider than the wall, how have you fit it against the wall? Or are you exaggerating a tiny bit?

OP posts:
PillarBoxRedRoses · 19/04/2012 19:15

It's against a partition wall (kind of open plan) and about a foot sticks out the side.

ParsleyTheLioness · 19/04/2012 19:23

Ok....sounds a bit...unecessary.

OP posts:
PillarBoxRedRoses · 19/04/2012 20:17

Not the only thing that was unecessary.

Anyway...wishing you a wonderful evening Parsley and hope the weekend goes ok.

ParsleyTheLioness · 19/04/2012 20:18

Thank you. When have you got your discussion?

OP posts:
PillarBoxRedRoses · 19/04/2012 20:21

2 weeks. Confused

ParsleyTheLioness · 19/04/2012 20:44

Ok. Not possible any sooner?

OP posts:
PillarBoxRedRoses · 19/04/2012 20:55

I certainly won't be bringing it forward...I feel like I need the time out and for now, he is respecting that.

ParsleyTheLioness · 19/04/2012 21:01

Ok.

OP posts:
LittleHouseofCamelias · 19/04/2012 23:39

Just checking in. My mate has nagged persuaded me to book a 30 minute session with a solicitor for Tuesday to double check FWH proposals after he makes them. I am not to agree or disagree just to ask for time to think about them. I am feeling reasonably calm...

Strength to us all!

ParsleyTheLioness · 20/04/2012 07:15

Good idea about the sol...too many women are screwed over in divorce, IME, presumably ground down by the whole thing. And I know anecdote does not equal data. These are the ones I have seen around me...

OP posts:
ParsleyTheLioness · 20/04/2012 19:33

Right. Just had fwit round to pick dd up, and collect some stuff prior to major van pick up on Sunday. Felt very sad, until he started trying to wind me up again about the neighbours....always a bone of contention, have a drive, which though is not legally 'shared' ie we both own our own half is not divided in the middle. To do so would render it useless for car storage as it is too narrow. Although good neighbours in many ways, they have taken the micky advantage a bit over the years, their kids parking accross our back door repeatedly for no apparent reason etc. Sometimes it really used to stress me, but he used to encourage my stress about it. Because he'sa fwit. So he's started that again. So I am not sad. Well I am, but I am really cross too.

OP posts:
ParsleyTheLioness · 21/04/2012 07:26

He is continuing the campaign of trying to frighten me, unfortunately. Last week he pointed out that someone had been intefering with the door lock. Don't think so, but just trying to scare me. He also wants to come into the house to take photos of walls 'he has built' ffs. Assume that's to show what a lot of value he's added to the house. Not. Was unnerved enough to leave a light on downstairs for the first time in ages. I guess that was the point...
How come someone can hate you enough to sabotage a relationship, to get you to make the decision to leave because of their appalling behaviour. Which is presumably what they want, to be Free. Then when you are splitting up, they try to scare the shit out of you?

OP posts:
PillarBoxRedRoses · 21/04/2012 07:53

2 answers to that question. Both begin with C. Control. Cunt.

PillarBoxRedRoses · 21/04/2012 07:54

Sorry - found my anger for the first time this morning. Hope you are ok.

ParsleyTheLioness · 21/04/2012 07:56

Ok ish. Bit frightened he will kick off when he comes for his stuff. Am thinking about asking if the police will be there to prevent a breach of the peace, or more dv.

OP posts:
PillarBoxRedRoses · 21/04/2012 07:57

Well you need to feel safe. Is there a friend/friends who can be there too?

ParsleyTheLioness · 21/04/2012 08:03

There probably is, but don't want to put them in danger/ or an awkward situation. Many years ago I had close contact with someone whose daughter was murdered getting in between an abusive ex and her friend...never forgotten it. I wouldn't think it would get that bad, but presumably she didn't either. I have to understand that I do not know this man. At all.

OP posts:
ParsleyTheLioness · 23/04/2012 06:48

Well, most of his stuff is gone now.

OP posts:
PillarBoxRedRoses · 23/04/2012 08:11

Well that is good news....but how was it?

ParsleyTheLioness · 23/04/2012 08:46

No kick offs. Still sad though, but its his own fault, so I'm not feeling too sorry for him.

OP posts: