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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Really need some advice on a new relationship

80 replies

TheOriginalNutcracker · 27/03/2012 11:13

Righ, bit of background, i'm a single mum of 3, been single for 6 years with one painful fling about a year ago.

So, a boloke i used to work with starts flirting with me on fb. I already know him obviously, cos i worked with him, but also cos he is a mate of the bloke I had a fling with, although they are not close mates.

I wasn't at all sure about starting a relationship with anyone, mainly because I have alot going on with the kids and moving etc atm, but I agreed he could come round as a mate a few times, and things progressed beyond mates (not sex though). He wanted/wants a relationship and after getting over me nerves and reservations about being hurt again, i agreed.
We went out for lunch yesterday and had a really lovely time and i was sure i'd made the right choice.

Later on the night he came round again, and met my kids. They did already know about him btw, and two of them had met him previously once while we were out and about. I would never normaly introduce my kids so soon. Kids loved him, he loved them, they all got on fab.

So, later on, on the night things got heated and we attempted to have sex BUT he couldn't keep an erection. I was honestly not at all bothered or worried about this and put it down to first time nerves or something. I would have quite happily forgot about it. However, his reaction is what has caused the problem.

He immediatly pushed me away and told me to leave him alone, wouldn't speak or look at me. Both sat back down on sofa and he wouldn't let me hold his hand or arm or anything and started saying how this was never going to work because it would happen again and i'd not put up with not having sex etc. He said it had happened a few times before, but that normally when he gets comfortable with someone it's ok. He was quite angry, not towards me but just in general. He then cried and I tried to comofrt him and he wouldn't let me.

I can't quite describe what I mean, but it was a bit like a grown man having a huge tantrum/sulk. I had no problem with what happened except for his reaction to it. I said that surely it was up to me wether i could put up wth it or not, but that i wasn't sure i could put up with his reaction to it every time it happened, and being pushed away and made to feel like i did something wrong.

He kept asking me to decide there and then if it was over. I said that i couldn't decide just like that, and it wasnt fair of him to ask. He said he needed to know, and so i said that he'd have to decide for himself then, and he said ok, it won't work. He kept saying it, like he was waiting for me to change his mind for him.

He eventually left and he has now txt this morning saying that he is sorry, and he overeacted but that he can't help it. He wants me to tell him if we are finished or not.

I don't know, i really don't. Part of me thinks he is worth another chance, but then part of me thinks that i don't need the hassle, if this is how he is going to be. Plus what if he reacts like that to other situations ?

I feel like I have been so stupid, yet again, and either desicion, would be stupid too.

OP posts:
TheOriginalNutcracker · 28/03/2012 14:01

I did tell him that it was nothing to do with the ED, and only because of his other behaviour. I'm not sure if he will believe that or not, but not much I can do about that.

When he is nice, he is a really nice bloke, but when he strops it is like he hated me and I don't want to feel like that.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 28/03/2012 14:17

Of course you don't want to feel like that - and why should you be made to feel like that or put up with being made to feel like that by an inadequate twat when there are so many genuinely loving, caring, and well-balanced guys around?

Good luck with your move and I hope it leads to a bright future for you and your dc.

AnyFucker · 28/03/2012 14:54

That is a good decision, TONC

In the future, if you need to persuade yourself a guy is worth a punt in the first place, he ain't worth it

No relationship is better than settling for someone you know is crap. And you knew it here, so well done for not getting in too deep. You shouldn't have introduced him to your kids so soon though.

AnyFucker · 28/03/2012 14:55

Enjoy your new place without a grey cloud hanging over it Smile

TheLastNameLeft · 28/03/2012 18:01

Totally agree that the Op has the prerogative to do whatever she wishes; as it is, indeed, her life

However; Very pleased you have made the decision you have though OP, I think this guy would have given you an epic head f**k and thats not something you need at the early stages of a relationship.

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