Hi there, thought I'd chip in because my husband's background and some of our relationship dynamics are very similar to yours. Just for some background, my H too was physically violently abused by his step father from when he was a child (as were his mother and siblings). He also has OCD and is anxious much of the time.
My H doesn't have "control issues" as such but he gets wound up about things due to his OCD. His anxiety is triggered by mess, clutter, dust and pet hair especially, he finds it really really hard to cope with these things and sometimes I can visibly see him trying to stop himself from boiling over. When he goes off he will shout and crash around but not usually AT me if you see what I mean, but it can still be very frightening and his behaviour has been verging on abusive at times (almost always when alcohol has been involved).
In my house growing up we never had shouting. In his house they had shouting, screaming, fists flying, things being smashed and the police called on a regular basis. To him losing your temper was considered, as you say, no issue at all compared to his childhood - he is also ex military (Navy) and so even in his job shouting was normal. I work in an office. if I raised my voice to a colleague I would be fired. For me it is extremely traumatic and can reduce me to tears because I'm not used to shouted arguments in any circumstances.
In the beginning of our relationship his anger management was extremely poor. He was jealous, lacked self-esteem, felt "not good enough" and was generally a total nightmare with his temper - to the point of shoving / threatening behaviour though he has never actually hurt me. Over the years though he has educated himself on his OCD and learned to recognise "intrusive" thoughts and obessions as part of his condition and manage them as such. He has taken medication for his anxiety for years which helped him keep it under control. He has recently come off this because he has learned other techniques for managing his frustration and his emotions.
He has worked on improving his communications and recognising things which will set him off. I have become gradually tougher and tougher with him on incidences of temper and have been absolute zero tolerance with raised voices in the presence of the children (both babies right now). Incidents of temper are now very rare. But the thing is he has WORKED on all this. And worked hard. He has had therapy to discuss his abusive childhood, he has talked things through with me forwards backwards and sideways, basically anything he can do to help himself he has done.
On my side I have learned to spot his triggers and try to calm him with a stroke on the arm, a kiss etc. to "gentle" him when I can see his anxiety kicking in (the house is a mess, the dog has jumped on him, the baby is crying etc.). I can also see when he needs space. If he is looking wild around the eyes I take myself off for a bath or take the children to play in the playroom and let him watch TV and have a cup of tea to wind down. On the rare occasions when he still loses his temper I leave the room and do not engage with him in any way. It used to take a day or more for him to come round and apologise and admit he was at fault - largely due to the self-loathing and guilt he felt - he would punish himself (and me as a consequence sadly!) by withdrawing. Now it's usually minutes.
Like your husband he is absolutely amazing in many respects, he is a stay at home dad, is incredibly giving, loving, unselfish in bed, does almost all the housework, washing, ironing, plays with the kids for hours at a time, never forgets a birthday or anniversary, would go out of his way to help a friend, listens, is supportive, has a great sense of humour and otherwise adds such a huge amount positively to my and the children's lives. His temper / loss of control / anxiety issues are without doubt a big negative, but I work with it, manage it as best I can and most importantly he does all he can to manage it himself. My marriage works for me, that's all I can say really.