Congratulations Crispy

[NotANaturalGeordie]

This is a new thread to offer support and appreciation to Crispy - it's many years since I left the ex-P and I am v happily married to DH now but I remember...

Bloody well done

oh good luck, crispy

hope all goes well x

Crispy, you ok chick? Thinking of you lovey!

Thanks you both..

I'm back home for the time being. I have blood clots in my veins, fortunately not DVTs which is what was suspected at first but they bloody hurt like buggery!

fwb came over and made me food, sorted out laundry, monitored my breathing and heartrate and generally fussed like a mother hen over me, it felt very odd being looked after.. I'm usually the looker-after. Not sure I like it lol.

I'll have to go back in two weeks to have iron infusions and blood top ups and apparently my calcium levels are v low too - not sure how they fix that? The joys of only having 30% functioning intestines, lol.

I ended things with the fwb.. he was being so lovely and kind, looking after me etc. I panicked a bit and sent him away.

The devastation on his face was the most awful thing I've ever seen. I feel like I've been the most horrible cunt on the planet :(

You dumped him for caring... for the love of god crispy! I know you know more than anyone what it's like to be with someone who works AGAINST our happiness, now YOU are working against someone caring for you?

I used to have issues with compliments, mainly cos criticism and insults were what I was used to growing up and in relationships. I'd feel physically sick if someone were nice to me, and squirm etc.

Thing is, it makes other people feel GOOD when they are kind to you. so who are YOU to deny that lovely warm feeling of helping someone who needs a lift.

I think you need to think about what you have done, deny yourself something good, and think about what life you are limiting yourself to.

YOU know you like him, he likes you. So you take it slow or you set limits, but what message are you telling him? Don't be nice or you will get dumped..

you okay, crisp-pot ?

Crispie pet-he was being nice to you, he wasn't declairing undying love or looking or happy ever after--he was just being a decent caring human.

For God's sake phone him and get him back-put it down to post hospital blues, madness anything. but don't throw this away.
I think you will regret it

You're right, I know.
I've tried ringing him but got no response although he could have been sleeping as he waited up til transport started so he could leave - I wasn't able to drive him as I'd have been over the dd limit :/

soo.. I sent a big long text message explaining everything and trying not to sound like I'm having a pity party for myself :/ but no reply as yet :(

God I'm such a twat :(

Whooops, this is the bit where we are all supposed to pile in and tell Crispy that she's NOT a twat....

You are not a twat Crispy, but you DO have issues relating to letting NICE happen to you.

Are you getting any support/counselling in RL, have you called anyone to talk through your experiences? They don't go away by themselves chuck.

Can you get onto the Freedom Programme? even if you have done it before, it's worth a recap sometimes.

I am a twat! I'm doing that thng of looking at the bloody phone every 2 mins I'm not sure if it's that I liked him more than I realised or just because I will miss the company. It was so nice to have someone you could have a real conversation with - fwb was educated to the same level as me, in the same subject oddly enough so we'd look at lots of things in the same way, ask the same questions when watching documentaries etc. That was very refreshing.

Had counselling for about 8 months last year but tbh I ddin't find it helpful at all. The therapist was determined to make me believe that I was being abused by my mother, my children, xp, even the bloody cat and it just made me feel really shite so eventually I stopped going and saved myself £300 a month, lol. Can't afford it again for now.

There doesn't seem to be a freedom programme in my area but I'll look again. I do have one very good and wise friend who says pretty much the same things as you and AF... scary actually.. are either of you two's initials MG? lol I also owe Karmann a phone call, but I don't want to whine at her.

No, I am not MG

Just sit on this for a couple of days and see how you feel. I would never advocate ringing him and saying "I made a mistake, come back to me" unless you are 110% sure. Because I would hate to be pushed/pulled in that way myself.

Maybe he was just a stepping stone, maybe in a couple of days you will realise you miss more than just the "company" IYSWIM.

No, I won't contact him again. In the message I sent I apologised, explained why I found it difficult and told him I'd leave the ball in his court. I won't turn into a bunny boiler stalker at all, lol. TBH at the moment I'm sleeping an awful lot so it's not too bad really. I just feel really bad because he just looked so.. devastated. It was awful :(

In other news xp is messaging my friends on fb to tell them to look after me and that he'll be home soon to take care of me properly

It would be very funny AF if you were MG, listening to her is like reading your posts at times :o

Hmm... MG is possibly a MNer.... or could be a Disciple of the Church of the AnyFuckery

Or, if she's always right.... it'll probably be Hecate!

Crispy, everything happens for a reason. Remember that. I am seeing this guy, but I met him 6m ago I'd have run for the hills. I wasn't ready.

Still not sure if this is going to last long term, depends on him and his flouncing. He does that once more and I won't be playing. He knows this.

If your XP is likely to bother you, then I think you need to get a message to him as public as possible, date and time stamped ideally that he is NOT welcome in your life and to take his 'care' elsewhere. Tell ALL your friends this too.

crispy, your ex is fucking terrifying

Oh no he fucking isn't.... he wouldn't last a minute and a half with me! TWAT.

Crispy, if you see him, call the cops. every single time. Report the SHIT out of him.

He's a bully and a coward. if he were a real man he'd let you grow and thrive.

Oh yeah... name change btw....

very nice

your bum doesn't look remotely big in that

I knew you would say that!

AF and Hissy, sitting in a tree...

< sneakily squeezes HissPot's bum >

ooh odd.. I viewed this thread on my phone yesterday and there were lots of posts that hadn't shown up on the pc so apologies to anyone who felt ignored.. I just ddin't see your messages :(

I don't think xp will turn up here.. for one thing he won't have the ££ for the train fare, and for the moment he's respecting my wishes to stay away.. being nice cos he thinks I'll change my mind. Also, my friend posted on fb that she was at the hospital with me so he doesn't even know I'm at home :o

Aaaaaaaaaaaand!!!!!

FWB called last night and then came over. Apologised for making me feel that way but said he wasn't going to change who he is and continued to fuss over me.. which although felt weird I let him do it. He sorted laundry, made me supper, dosed me up with painkillers and antibiotics and was generally lovely. then he sorted me out breakfast before he went to work this morning. Blimey I feel so spoiled! Sometimes I look at him and think yeah.. there could be something to this but mostly I just think enjoy while it lasts, which it won't because we're at different life stages and I don't want to be the reason he doens't marry/have children etc and there's no way I want any of that.

NIceeeeeeeeeeeeee hissy.. I would ;) lol

Good Girl!

Enjoy someone CARING for you! Get used to it.

This guy isn't THE ONE. He is a step towards THE ONE. But you need to learn to love yourself first, and one way you can do that is to allow and enjoy people caring for you, to learn what it feels like when someone really DOES care, so you feel good. Remember that feeling. You have worked hard for it and deserve it.

Just as you feel good caring and doing things for others, others feel the same way about helping you. LET him feel good about caring for you. ACCEPT his kindness.

I'm trying :o

It is very odd tho. Like, at the moment I have clots in my leg and a blood infection so my one leg is twice the size of the other with swollen veins and bright red skin.. beeeyoodiful it is, but he sat there stroking it really gently and trying to make it feel better. xp would have pointed out how hideous it is. Helping me to get up and down from the sofa, up and down the stairs if I needed to get up to do something he couldn't do for me.. it's weeeeeeeird!

We also had this big conversation about reconstructive surgery as my body is quite badly disfigured and I've been referred to a plastic surgeon. He said that I'm beautiful as I am and to think very carefully about the reasons I would have it done.. so long as it was just for me and to make me feel better then fine but not to please anyone else. xp wouldn't even look at me, and always had to have the lights off in the bedroom.

Who knew there were genuinely nice men out there? I do find it very strange though and keep looking for some kind of hidden agenda but so far I can't spot one.

Awww... you'll have me welling up Crispy!

I know how uncomfortable you are with this, but you have to allow people to care, really care for you. Look at this guy and see just HOW shit your ex was. Give THANKS to god that you got rid of him.

Hope you get back to full rumpypumpy strength soon!