My husband has just decided to tell me about myself

[Alltheseboys]

Just need to vent really. My husband has jut decided to tell me how lazy I am & how all I do is moan all the time. I'm so upset because I'm so tired & wish I had more energy which upsets me. I'm 4 months pregnant with my fifth boy an I work four days a week as a teacher. Until a month ago he was a retail manager working long hours so I basically did everything. I refused to do things like his washing & ironing as he never put it away. He says now he's not working I expect him to do everything & I don't get out of bed early enough etc. he said I've always been like this. I'm so tired & fed up. I normally stay up until 2am to do my lesson plans, drop them to school, go to work, finish early so i can pick them up from school then come home to do their dinner drop them at their clubs, do their
washing, clean the house do the shopping but
its not good enough. I've always worked & I am now doing my masters. Lazy is not a word anyone else would describe me with, you look knackered is the normal comment. I really don't want to spend mothers day with him tmw.

Go on strike.

I'm going to suggest he isn't husband of the year. Though he may be wanker of the week.

Your fifth child?! Makes me tired just reading that. I only have one and I'm tired all the time! If I stay up to 2am (doesn't happen very often) I am exhausted the next day so have no idea how you function like this all the time, especially when pregnant.

Your H does sound unreasonable. What does he expect you to do? Is he pulling his weight? What do you want him to do?

I suggest you ask him why he wants a divorce as his actions shout that out to me. Or else he is just a knob.

Stop doing anything for him - including servicing his sexual needs. The twat.

Hi Allthese

My 'D'H often has a go at me like this, and like you I am far from lazy! I've come to realise he mainly does it when he's down on himself, or things are going particularly well for me.

I resent him for it as it means I don't celebrate my successes with him, His latest dig was to tell me I shouldn't have got so fat anyway when I told him I'd lost 4lbs.

Can you take your boys to visit family tomorrow on the pretext of a Mothers Day visit? Sometimes this is a good way to at least get time to drink a cuppa whilst it's hot while the kids spend time with their grandparents

So sorry that you feel like this, it's shit, especially with Mothers Day tomorrow

I think there's always two sides to a story.
Does your DH resent you for having a job? Maybe he feels a bit left out as a lot of time is spent on your kids. It sounds like he's pissed off about something and is venting generally rather than being specific.
In your defense, does he know you are up till 2a.m doing work stuff? What time exactly does he expect you to be up?
Good luck with sorting this, it sounds a bit unpleasant for you.

Hang on, so you're working 4 days a week, you're doing a Masters degree, you're pregnant, you've got 4 other children and you do all the housework?

And your husband is not working and says you're lazy?

There aren't two sides to this story.

Your husband is lazy and unless he changes, you're going to get ill.

He's projecting. Plain and simple. And you don't need to buy it. Give yourself a break.

Thanks guys. Funnily enough he does get more like this around mothers day. I know he's always felt shit that I've managed to always work at my career and that I get more attention from the bits. He really wanted this one to be a girl.

Sounds like you are both a bit stressed at the moment. I hope it passes.

I'm nwith BodyofEeyore - you are both under pressure. But if he continues in that vein I would point out what you have told us, then if he is still an arsehole tell him to go fuck himself.

I will get that book issimama but won't have time for a break today I'm late for the school fare then got shopping to do . Was hoping to get a rest tmw the boys have already said they're making lunch. Im lucky to have lovely boys who aren't anything like their dad.

Sounds like you have six children in the family, not five,

Get someone sensible in the family to give him a talking to about this. He's not seeing what's in front of his nose.

Bloody hell!! You poor woman.

How does he think you are lazy??

That was meant to say more attention from the boys not bits! Predictive text or freudian slip.
Saying anything to him won't do any good I'm afraid. I know to leave him when he gets like this. But I know I need to unlock the bathroom door & get downstairs as I know for a fact the boys won't have eaten yet.
Thanks guys

Is there anyway you can just ignore him? I sometimes just laugh at my DH if I think he's being ridiculous. I think the worst thing you can do is engage with him - you are obviously going through a transitional time as a family and so I would aim to keep any chats friendly and positive but don't panda to him.

You sound like an amazing person, I think (someone else said it too) he's just projecting. If he's just found out youngest DC is not a girl then maybe he's having a sad week/2 weeks and he'll pull round of his own accord. Good luck :)

Your right ArtVandaley. I'm not going to act like nothing happened but I'm just going to get on with my day. He's usually working on a Saturday so I'm jut going to act like its a normal day & ignore him. I can't afford to get stressed at the moment.

If your sons are making you lunch tomorrow, they can make their own lunch today or are old enough to ask their dad to do it for them.

Don't be amartyr to this crap and don't indulge a grown man's inadequacy and jealousy at your success.

Ignoring only works if you start doing what you want to and stop doing the things you don't. And in general, ignoring the fact that one half of the partnership is lazy and spiteful isn't the best way to live.

Has he lost his job then?

So is this one of those things where he feels shit about himself so he needs to make you feel shit too?

You sound Amazing to me, far far from lazy!

DH needs to get a grip!

He lost his job a few weeks ago but tbh he's had quite a few anyway. Every couple of years he decides he needs a new job. This one lasted 6 mths, the one before a year, before that 9 mths. That's why my careers so important to me , I don't want to be reliant on him.

While he's unengaged during the day, you both need to rethink household and daily tasks. Can you make a list of everything which needs to be done and have a grown up conversation with him? You're working all hours so he needs to step up and shoulder some of the burden. What does he think would happen if you were I'll or hospitalized for any length of time?

He sounds like an entitled prick and quite stupid. OTOH you sound quite lovely and really intelligent. How do you put up with it... why are you putting up with it :(

Agree with baby hammock

"I don't want to be reliant on him." - that's lucky, 'cos it sure as hell looks like there's not a great deal to rely on.

Explain to him that if he is not working then it is up to him to pull his weight around the home, he is the lazy one