My husband has just decided to tell me about myself

[Alltheseboys]

Just need to vent really. My husband has jut decided to tell me how lazy I am & how all I do is moan all the time. I'm so upset because I'm so tired & wish I had more energy which upsets me. I'm 4 months pregnant with my fifth boy an I work four days a week as a teacher. Until a month ago he was a retail manager working long hours so I basically did everything. I refused to do things like his washing & ironing as he never put it away. He says now he's not working I expect him to do everything & I don't get out of bed early enough etc. he said I've always been like this. I'm so tired & fed up. I normally stay up until 2am to do my lesson plans, drop them to school, go to work, finish early so i can pick them up from school then come home to do their dinner drop them at their clubs, do their
washing, clean the house do the shopping but
its not good enough. I've always worked & I am now doing my masters. Lazy is not a word anyone else would describe me with, you look knackered is the normal comment. I really don't want to spend mothers day with him tmw.

When he helped you get pregnant in college, do you think he wanted you to drop out and become his full-time servant?

You poor thing, don't know how you cope at all. I would have given up ages ago.

(This highlights that the 'ideal family' which we are all expected to adhere to, is not as common as we are led to believe).

Thanks thecook. Feel much better today . Have managed to largely ignore him do my essay & some housework. Have had a good day so far

This man sounds like an arse. What the devil did you see in him? Good luck with your education btw.

This really does sound like one of those men you would be better off without. As others have asked, what exactly is he bringing to the relationship? A gorgeous girl I work with has recently turfed out her husband who sounded remarkably similar to yours. She is fantastic - great at her job, has a child, doing a masters - and she hasn't looked back.

Wow! You sound amazing. I'm sure your boys think you're fab!

Janelikesjam - do you suggest that every man with 4+ children quits their job? Visit the feminism boards for some enlightenment please.

Hi supermum, you sound flipping amazing!!!! Ignore him.

I would ask him though what he thinks you should be doing....should be insightful. I would also suggest that maybe if he were to help more then maybe you would moan less....if of course you do moan which I should just add you should quite rightfully do so with the amount you do!

If he's recently been made redundant this nasty outburst could be coming from feeling miserable and inadequate himself. To me it sounds as though he's projecting his own feelings of inadequacy, powerlessness and frustrated idleness onto you. It's not nice and it patently makes no sense but that's what I think is going on.

Perhaps you could try and talk to him about how he's feeling about his own working situation? I'd give that a go in the first instance. Obviously though if he has years of form for this and/or isn't willing to stop projecting onto you and own his own feelings then it might be time to consider the LTB option. It depends how much you care about him in the end.

Ignoring did work and things have been better today. Mostly because I've been at work. I stayed up until 4 last night to get Stuff done. When I got to bed he woke up. I explained to him that I am not lazy & that our body clocks are different. I generally sleep badly at night so prefer to do things then. He actually let me sleep in until 8 without moaning!

Why have you had FIVE children with this useless blighter?

Vent away! He sounds like a entitled twat TBH.

I can accept he may be feeling inadequate for not having a job, etc., but that's not an excuse. In all my relationships and those of my family, the only one that has ever resulted in personal insults like that flying around was the one I had with my abusive X.

I'm concerned that you feel the need to justify yourself with what others say about you. Your own opinion should be enough. It sounds like your H has worn you down. TBH, despite being pregnant and having 4 other DC, I'm pretty sure that were you to leave this man you'd probably find things easier - I know I did.

I'm sorry you're feeling so low and I hope you feel better soon.

what an arsehole!! and i hope you tell him i said that

is he looking for another job?
what does he do when you are at work all day?

Interesting that it's just before Mother's day. My x used to do the same thing, big rant on Mother's Day and my birthday (you're a cunt, you've ruined my life, i hate you). Then hand me a gift. And later, ask whether I'd had a good day.

Cainima- what exactly do you suggest I do about my kids now? Give them back?

Alltheseboys, don't (please) get hung up on the wrong thing. I agree it was a cheap shot, but it's not constructive either as a comment, or to get you worked up about.

FWIW, many abusive types get their partners PG as a method of control. this guy is suppressing you in any way he can. Having children is one of them.

With what you have on your plate, him 'letting you sleep till 8am without moaning' speaks volumes.

Seriously, you need to understand that this man is eroding every single thing of you he can. You need to ROAR! You need to tell him that HE needs to get his lazy arse OFF the sofa and work, or he takes over ALL SAHD duties, to YOUR standard and above.

he has no right to make any demands of you, nor moan, nor name call. He's abusing you and all you are trying to do is keep everything going IN SPITE of him.

Thanks houndsinhissy. I know your right

I know how hard it is to do what I am suggesting.

You may know I had to do it myself, but with me there was violence if i really overstepped the mark..

Whatever support you need, just ask. Call WA if you think they can help you talk it through. Respect is a great helpline too, as they can help (so I hear) with understanding tactics and combating/countering them.

don't give up. You know what he's doing is ridiculous!

Five boys!!! Wow. for supermum - I'd say you deserve too but perhaps not in your condition...

You're rather spikey op!