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Relationships

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Original poster

Does this sound right re dp being on birth cert of his ex's baby who was not his?

115 replies

hattieboo2012 · 15/03/2012 06:18

dp met his ex when she was about 5 months pg. The real father left never to show his face again. Dp was with her til the baby was 18 months old. He left her coz she used him for money and was very materialistic. They never lived together.

I recently found something on dps old phone in his search history that was about getting his name removed from a birth certificate. So I questioned dp about it.

He said that hos ex had dps name put on birth certificate when baby was born without him knowing about it. He only found it was on a few months before he left her...could this be true?

Also he said he went through a solicitor and got his name removed from birth certificate. It was easy for solicitor to do this as his ex admitted putting it on without his consent. Does this sound true to ear? I always thought it was impossible to get name removed from bc as it's an historical document?

OP posts:

catsareevil · 16/03/2012 06:22

If you feel like you need to go to your dps dad for the truth rather than your dp (and also that you seem to trust the dad more anyway) then it appears that you already dont believe that your dp is telling you the truth.

The way that things were set out in your OP cant be true, so at the very least he has given you a false impression of things.

JaneB1rkin · 16/03/2012 06:25

Ask his dad, pet. Before he can tip his dad off that you might.

Just ask.

If he's lying there's a reason for that.

Sorry I know how hard it is.

Kayzr · 16/03/2012 06:30

Just ask his Dad and see what he says.

He could have been added later but still only with his consent.

BasilFoulTea · 16/03/2012 06:48

Why are you planning to marry and have children with a man you already know lies to you?

Do you really not think you deserve better?

I think you do, and I don't know you!

seeker · 16/03/2012 06:49

Ask him when and where had the DNA test.

Oh, and be prepared for him to start to get very angry or very upset if you keep questioning him. He will either cry and tell you that he can't bear it that you don't trust him, or shout that if you don't trust him the relationship is going nowhere and he might as well just go. Try very hard to keep calm and not to be manipulated by him.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Do you have people in real life to support you?

BasilFoulTea · 16/03/2012 06:57

Oh sweetheart, how d'you know his dad wouldn't lie to you?

He's this liar's father and his first loyalty is to his son, not to you.

If you stay with this guy, this is what your life will be - never knowing what's truth and what's lies.

Seriously, call off the wedding. This relationship is horrible. Don't under-estimate how soul-destroying it is to live with someone who lies to you all the time about important or even trivial stuff. After 10 years with him, if he tells you the sky is blue, you are going to have to go outside and check that, because you will constantly be second-guessing what he means whenever he talks to you. It is a miserable way to live, energy-sapping, exhausting and dispiriting. You can choose another road.

LyssaM · 16/03/2012 07:20

Did you realise you had trust issues before this relationship, or was that something that he 'explained' to you?

Anyway, forging a birth certificate is almost certainly a criminal offence, tell him to get the police involved.

Heleninahandcart · 16/03/2012 10:23

15 years ago it was only possible to enter the father's name without him being there if the mother was married to him.

WibblyBibble · 16/03/2012 13:14

No, he's talking bollocks. For an unmarried father to be on a birth certificate they need to go and register the birth with the mother, only married fathers are automatically put on if the mother registers it. I've done it twice, I know this is an absolute fact. He is a lying idiot.

Gilgamesh · 16/03/2012 13:19

He is lying. No doubt about it. You have to go along to the registrar to be put on the certificate if not married.

HereIGo · 16/03/2012 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nizlopi · 16/03/2012 13:27

Like others have said, he would have had to have been there if he wasn't married to her to register the birth with him included. That is fact. If he tells you anything other than that he is lying to you

To have his name removed from the certificate, he would have to have a 'court approved' DNA test. This doesn't meant that a court had to order it, just that a court would accept it as proof of paternity if shown. They have a list of these, which you can find if you contact the General Registrations Department.

A Court Approved DNA test would involve swabs being taken from him, his ex, and their child by a 3rd party. This often involves him going to an appointment with a nurse at his GP, or local hospital. I also believe that some of the companies will now send a nurse to your home to perform the swabs. A photograph of him would have been taken during the swab, also a copy of either his driving license or passport as proof that the sample would have been taken by him.

To change the certificate, he would then have to provide the corrections department of the registrations office with a copy of this court approved test as proof. They will then use this to amend the entry. There is no other way to do this. He cannot just go in and say 'I'm not the father'. They have to have this proof in order to amend the entry.

A court approved test can cost anywhere up to about £600. You can get cheaper ones, known as 'Peace of Mind' tests, which cost between £100-150, but they would not be accepted by the corrections department as they would not be taken by a third party.

These are all the FACTS about birth entry corrections. If he tells you anything other than this then he is LYING TO YOUR FACE.

edam · 16/03/2012 13:42

You don't 'have trust issues'. You are in a relationship with someone you cannot trust, who tells blatant lies. The only issue you have is that you are trying very hard to believe him, even when it's clear he's lying.

cestlavielife · 16/03/2012 13:57

what has his dad got to do with it?
is his dad a lawyer?

have you seen an actual copy of the birth cert yet? (the before and after ones!)

Scorpette · 16/03/2012 14:02

Sweetheart, the only trust issue you have is trusting a man who is spinning you a web of lies and not very good ones at that. Like everyone says, the only way his name could be on there is if he was with her at the time; rang up the office, arranged to go in, sat there giving all his details, checking they were correct, confirming everything several times before the official document is produced, etc. and the way the birth certificates look now, there is no way anyone could 'pen' anything onto it. And like Nizlopi's excellent post explains, to get his name taken off a birth certificate would involve a huge amount of official time and effort, not to mention cost.

There's only two things that can be true about this: A) he IS the father and is lying, in which case, you must ask yourself why. How could you contemplate having a family with a man who would deny paternity of an existing child? And B) if he really isn't the father but agreed to put his name down for whatever reason, then why on earth is he telling you so many lies about it all? The lies point to the truth being A, sadly.

Don't let him fob you off like this. If he is a liar and a man who wants to avoid his paternal responsibilities, you are better off knowing now than later.

Mama1980 · 16/03/2012 14:42

Hi just adding as the others have said although the law changed recently at the time if they werent married she could not have put his name in there without his presence or consent. And to remove it would require a DNA test accepted by the court. That he would be confused/lying abut something so important is in my opinion a huge issue

izzyizin · 16/03/2012 14:43

I'm pleased to see that you've come back to this thread and hope you'll also come back to the other thread you posted yesterday: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1429234-how-do-I-tell-DP-Im-ready-for-a-baby

Please read nizlopi's response carefully as it is the only way in which a father's name can be removed from a birth certitificate and, if he tells you differently, he's trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

It seems that you are so desperate for this man to be 'the one', you're conning yourself by refusing to admit that he's lying to you.

BTW, if he's named on a birth certificate he's liable to pay child support.

SucksToBeMe · 16/03/2012 14:49

I was not allowed to put DS dad down on BS unless he was there.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/03/2012 14:55

This is from the direct gov website (www.direct.gov.uk)
"Who can register the birth?

If parents are married at time of birth or conception, either the mother or father can register the birth on their own.

If they aren?t married, to ensure both parents? details are included on the birth certificate, there are several options:
?both parents can go and sign the birth register together
?if one parent cannot go to the register office, they will need to complete the statutory declaration form - the parent registering the birth should give the completed form to the registrar
?where there is a parental responsibility agreement in force or either parent has an appropriate court order, this can be presented at the time of registration

If the father's details are not included in the birth register, it may be possible to re-register at a later date.

If the mother or the father cannot attend, the following people can register the birth:
?occupier of the house or hospital where the child was born
?someone who was present at the birth
?someone who is responsible for the child"

This is the information on removing the "wrong father"
www.direct.gov.uk/prod_consum_dg/groups/dg_digitalassets/@dg/@en/documents/digitalasset/dg_200734.pdf

None of the above appears to match what you have been told by your DP.

mynewpassion · 17/03/2012 05:18

From Chaze's post:

His ex could have done option #2
?if one parent cannot go to the register office, they will need to complete the statutory declaration form - the parent registering the birth should give the completed form to the registrar

mathanxiety · 17/03/2012 06:02

Is it possible that they were actually married?

Mynewpassion -- what he has told her doesn't match that procedure.

OP -- It sounds from your other thread as if this man certainly has a way with words (all that walking hand in hand down the promenade, etc...).

I would not depend on his dear old dad to tell you anything near the truth. Blood is thicker than water.

mynewpassion · 17/03/2012 06:49

Seems to me there is lots of half truths floating around.

We don't know if the ex lied about what she said to the registrar. She could've filled out that form and then told him she informed the registrar that she didn't know who the father was. He might not have ever known until being contacted by CSA or her threatening him with child support payments.

He could by lying about how his name got on the birth certificate. Maybe he did go with her.

But we do know that he's no longer on it and is not the father of the baby if it was necessary for negative DNA test for removal.

If the OP still has niggling doubts, why doesn't she just explain that she wants to see the legal documents.

seeker · 17/03/2012 07:00

"We don't know if the ex lied about what she said to the registrar. She could've filled out that form and then told him she informed the registrar that she didn't know who the father was. He might not have ever known until being contacted by CSA or her threatening him with child support payments. "

We do know, though. If his name was on the certificate, he was either there and agreed, or they were married. No other way it could have happened.

seeker · 17/03/2012 07:02

With a statutory declaration it's the parent who doesn't go to the registry office who has to fill in the form. So his ex can't have put him on the certificate without his consent.

SaraBellumHertz · 17/03/2012 07:15

myneepassion the ex couldnt have done the second option.

As seeker says it is the person not attending whi has to fill in the statutory declaration. whilst I know nothing about the position in relation to birth certificates stat decs generally have to be sworn in front of a magistrate so it wouldn't be as simple as the OPs partner just filling in the form he would have had to take that form to Court and swear the contents were true, they would then sign/stamp it.

OP if I was you I'd be calling the ex and getting to the bottoms of this bullshit. Although let me guess DP has already tell you that she is a psycho bitch who will take any opportunity to bad mouth him

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