He hit me

[ithurst100]

And I took it.

Always thought if I was ever hit I would hit back 10 times harder.

But I didn't

It was so quick. Shocked me. It hurts.

My confidence is shattered. I feel so alone. So ugly. So useless. I hate myself. I should die.

We has an argument, and I swore at him. He hit me. Im bruised.

First time.

Before emotional and finacial abuse. Now this.
Wonder when/how many times it will happen again.

No idea if I should leave.
Should we get councelling? Should he?

I hate myself

God. You are going to get alot of responses. Most will say - 'leave'. TBH you should but everyone knows how hard that is. However I think you know you should leave. Violence on top of the other abuse - things are getting worse aren't they?

Are you safe now? Do you need to call the police? Is there someone you can call for support?

You should call women's aid helpline and talk it through but make sure you are safe first.

go to your gp, get it recorded.

Call womans aid - this was me a few years back - I stuck it out for a few years (years ill never get back), finally saw the light and I swear I never thought I would, and left to a refuge. In a bit of mess since (DH stole kids back), but, when I look back and him and forward in my life, I wish I walked head tall out the door the day he first was violent to me. Oh, and call police and get photo evidence - my case didnt even make court or anything.

Yes, call GP, get it recorded...record it somehow, you may not feel like it now but you really need to document everything. I have to pull out all my evidence etc. in a custody battle.

don't hate yourself, what have you done??

I'm safe

My head says I should leave, but my heart says no its to hard. To many complications.

The emotional and financial abuse stopped over a year ago.

Feels like Ive finally built my life and confidence up again and its now been knocked down.

I also suffered pnd for 4 years because of his emotional abuse.

I just want to cry but the tears do nothing

It is not your fault that this has happened to you. Please call Womens Aid; they can and will help you here. Where is he now?. Would you consider involving the police; this should be documented particularly if you have bruising. He hurt you and he should not go unpunished. There was and is NO justification for his actions towards you.

Are there any children in this household?

There will be a next time. There has already been previous financial and emotional abuse and now he has further upped the control and power ante by hitting you.

Counselling for abusive men does not work and joint counselling too is a complete non starter as well given the ongoing abuse he metes out towards you. Counselling for you solely is advised; you need to talk in a safe environment where he does not shout you down or belittle you.

No-one benefits from being in an abusive relationship. You need to carefully consider your own future with this man because again he is showing you what he is really like.

Look at Mumsnet's domestic violence webguide as well that is in the heading.

I hate myself because I caused the arguement and was being difficult in the arguement

Call the police. This is a crime and should be treated as such. They will help to remove him and point you in the right direction to be safe. Lot's of help out there you just have to pluck up the courage. That's how you hit back at this behaviour by refusing to accept it and calling it the abuse it is.

I hate myself for being in this situation

You know you should leave but leaving is never simple. A lot of people will tell you to leave and that you're stupid for not leaving.

Go to counselling together. Has he admitted he was wrong, apologised or showed some kind of remorse?

:( Im so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like everything is just getting worse and worse. I hope you can find the strength to realise you dont have to put up with this and you are worth so much more x

Im afraid to involve police.
im afraid to leave

yes 2 children under 5

yes he has apologised and shown remorse

This is not your fault.

dinah - your right Iam worth so much more.

Thats why it upsets me so much why should I live a shitty life with him
I want so much more out of life

"My head says I should leave, but my heart says no its to hard. Too many complications".

Such as?. No, no obstacle is insurmountable, it is hard but the hardest step for you is to take that first step out of the hole you are in and seek help for you.

So there are children in this house.

Your man could well put you in hospital and do not think that is not a dim and distant possibility. Your heart cannot rule your head here!!. You and he are at the end of the road. He could well kill you in the end. He has done a number on you to date to get you to such a low point where you doubt your every move, feeling and thought.

Everyone will say its my fault.
I drove him to it
my big mouth

It's a dealbreaker.

Get out and keep your children safe.

Police are wonderful. Ask for DV team. Nothing to be scared of.

Attila - yes your right.
there have been many times where I have doubted my move, thought, action.

I swore at him because he said it was "all in my head"

I hate that because its not.

Nobody will say it is your fault.

It doesn't matter what you said- there is no excuse. Never.

Ive been suffocating since we married.
Gave up everything.
Im such a fool.
I thought to be married you gave them everything
I was a fool
I should have given up nothing

He has apologised and shown remorse eh - no he is not sorry, not one bit of it. Its a good act such abusive men put on. He will be sorry - until the next time he hits you - and there will be a next time. Look at the nice/nasty cycle abusive men use; such men use such a cycle continuously. He has used a number of tactics on you to keep you in your hole and to make you afraid of your own judgement. He is a very dangerous individual.

Your two children are in this household as well. You cannot fully shield them from his violence and controlling nature shown towards you.

It is bloody scary to leave but honestly is this really the life you and they want or deserve?. Children do NOT need a violent father in their lives; they will learn and copy his behaviours from him along with your response to it.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships here?. This is no ideal role model for them to be following is it?.

go book to see your gp, then you can talk through, speaking to wa and police if thats what you want.

Waste no more time and energy on this person.

Your life, your choice, you leave.

No permission needed.

You need to protect your children from being around this because they don't have the same choices as you do. Your role is to protect them from harm. You need to step up.

In many ways I do feel at the end of the road.

But I do not know what road to next take.

Does that make sense?
If I leave for a refuge...then what?

My DC will still want their father. They will still see him. They will hurt so much not living with him.

Where would I then live? What life will I have?
My family will blame me. I will lose what little friends I do have
I will be alone and my dc will be upset

I just cant see a future.