He hit me

[ithurst100]

And I took it.

Always thought if I was ever hit I would hit back 10 times harder.

But I didn't

It was so quick. Shocked me. It hurts.

My confidence is shattered. I feel so alone. So ugly. So useless. I hate myself. I should die.

We has an argument, and I swore at him. He hit me. Im bruised.

First time.

Before emotional and finacial abuse. Now this.
Wonder when/how many times it will happen again.

No idea if I should leave.
Should we get councelling? Should he?

I hate myself

Get your life back, even if you do decide to stay and give him another chance. Get a job (full time, part time or voluntary if you don't have one), go to the gym and make yourself healthier and happier, get a hobby. Anything really to just feel like you and not half of him.

There is no excuse for domestic violence regardless of who said what. The man who is supposed to love, care for you and respect you has treated you appallingly and it isn't easy to forgive.

How can I completley protect my dc?

They will still see their father after I leave?

You need to document this crime with the police.

With a violent conviction he will at most see the chikdren supervised at a contact centre.

You are worried he is going to hurt the children aren't you?

"Everyone will say its my fault.
I drove him to it
my big mouth"

Who is this "everyone" you refer to?. See how he has warped your judgment here?. Again such tactics are often employed by your abuser to keep his victims (I include your children here as well in all this) in their place.

I will reiterate that it is not your fault that this has happened to you. There was and is no justification for his actions.

Please get this properly documented via the police; he is a dangerous man and he will likely stop at nothing to do you very real harm. The domestic violence team is very good and will help you stay safe.

Your children and you are the main priorities here, not him. Don't protect him from taking the consequences for his actions. You will kick yourself for not acting if he is allowed to go unpunished.

You can do this, MN will hold your hand here.

No don't think he will hurt them

If you report this to the police he will probably get off with a caution. Unless you can prove in court that he is a threat to your DC it's more than likely he will get regular, unsupervised access.

Thanks for support MN :)

What happens when police are told?

You are not viewing this rationally.

You don't have to explain your choices to all and sundry to be judged.

You can choose to tell those you trust. Life will be good it's just fear talking now.

Everyone is my family and friends

Queen - Can life be good?
It doesnt seem so

If I stay the same old shit
If I go it will be just new shit

Someone will come out to take a statement and he'll be either arrested or cautioned depending on what you want to do about it/if the police deem it necessary. You'll be put into contact with the DV team or Women's Aid too.

I'm so sorry Ithurts.

None of this is your fault.

Please get some help. You don't have to make any big decisions now - just stop this from happening again. Please call the Police (ask for the Domestic Violence unit) or Womens Aid. The police won't go in all guns blazin - they will help you - it's what they're there for.

It makes no difference however much remorse he shows - plenty of repeatedly violent men show remorse after each attack, so it means nothing.

He has already ruined four years of your life by causing (quite possibly) and sustaining (almost definitely) your depression. He is now putting your physical safety in danger too, and the future wellbeing of your DC. Don't let him take anymore of your life away from you.

Once you open up and look for help, you will be amazed how much support is out there waiting. Good luck.

You stay you know it'll be shit.
You leave and there's a chance that better days will come.

One option has a chance to make you happy.

"How can I completley protect my dc?
They will still see their father after I leave?

Turn this around.

Would they want to have a relationship with him bearing in mind the full extent of what he has done to you to date?. Also your children when older for instance would not thank you for staying with such a violent individual in the event that you stayed with him (and stayed alive). You cannot fully shield them from what he is really like.

Talk to Womens Aid, please do this.

All sounds so serious when police are there
Seems so real
Now I can hide it. Like it never happened. Like none of the emotioanl abuse ever happened.

Can anyone tell me of any successful women who survived domestic shit to become happy people?

When you tell the police you will be dealt with by a specialist DV team who have training to recognise all forms of abuse, be it emotional, verbal, sexual, financial or physical. They will want to document all aspects and take a statement. They will catalogue your injuries and take a statement and ask you what help you need.

They are wonderful and nothing to be scared of.

Ithurts life can definitely be good.

Without going into details, I know countless, countless cases of women coming out of abusive relationships and absolutely blossoming, truly I do.

Yes there will be hard times, but right now you have two choices. You can do nothing and accept that it will probably happen again, and that your life and your future consists of an abusive marriage which will probably damage you and your children. Or you can act now, leave him (or have him removed from the family home) and start the rest of your life with a future that you don't yet know, but where you can make sure that you and your children are safe

"Everyone is my family and friends"

My answer to that is that abusers like your man are very plausible to those in the outside world.

Also your family and friends do not have to live with him daily. I would think that a couple of your friends have grave suspicions re him as well.

I am going away now to think.

At the moment I feel that I need to try to communicate to him how abusive he is.
We need councelling.

I must try this.

If it all fails...
I can not continue to live like this.
Then I must leave.

Would be wonderful to have my own flat. Be left alone. Nice and tidy.
im afraid of being alone.
I would have no friends or family.

Being alone is my true fear and what divorcing would do to my children

I did. My partner hit me once and showed remorse. He was emotionally abusive for a period too. He got help vua counselling, anger management and antidepressants and five years on we are very very happy with two DC's under 4.

How about you call women's aid and talk it over with them?

alessdomesticgoddess- thank you for giving your history. Good to know that things can improve.

Saraslide- dont want to speak to anyone. Not ready to vocalise it.
Writting on MN is as far as I can go for now

I can't think of any normal, functional adult who would think that it is justified.

Please get this recorded by your GP and the police.

You don't have to do anything to change the situation now if you don't feel ready. But please think about getting what has happened down officially somewhere, maybe with your GP if you don't want to speak to the Police.

In the future you may find it helpful.

"Can anyone tell me of any successful women who survived domestic shit to become happy people?"

Yes. Four of my female friends have managed to leave their manipulative abuser types behind and are all far happier as a result. The children are happier because their mother is not living under a cloud or in daily fear.

My best friend has finally managed to leave her manipulative abuser. She has subsequently said (as I originally told her during the course of our many convos face to face and on the phone) that it was only when she was free of him would she realise the full extent of the horrors she endured. Only she could make that decision to leave him though and she got to such a point. I could only advise that she carefully consider her own future with this man also because there was a child to consider too. I told her that my wish for her was to be happy, she had been with him for 8 years by this point.

Domestic violence affects 1 in 4 women in their lifetime.