He hit me

[ithurst100]

And I took it.

Always thought if I was ever hit I would hit back 10 times harder.

But I didn't

It was so quick. Shocked me. It hurts.

My confidence is shattered. I feel so alone. So ugly. So useless. I hate myself. I should die.

We has an argument, and I swore at him. He hit me. Im bruised.

First time.

Before emotional and finacial abuse. Now this.
Wonder when/how many times it will happen again.

No idea if I should leave.
Should we get councelling? Should he?

I hate myself

"Writting on MN is as far as I can go for now"

That in itself is a huge step for you. I would ask that you keep going and build on this foundation. You've told someone else and that is a huge step forward. Now you know you can make the next step. Its all baby steps and it is very scary but you can do it. You can make a better life for you and your children.

Just looking at your opening post OP ...

"He hit me ... And I took it"

Later you more or less say "But it was my fault"

I just want to say there is no "And" or "But" here.

He hit you and I agree, especially after everything else happening in the relationship, that has to be the deal breaker.

All the best to you, ithurts Good luck. Do the best thing for you and your DCs.
Seek support.

At the moment I feel that I need to try to communicate to him how abusive he is.
We need councelling.

I must try this.

Try this for whom?

He won't listen to your entreaties, he despises your very existance and blames you for all his inherent ills. He knows already how abusive he is; he does this because he can. He enjoys the power and control he has over you and won't give that up easily.

No decent counsellor either would see the two of you together under any circumstances due to the ongoing violence and control he has and continues to mete out. Any such joint sessions will leave you cowering in fear, he would totally dominate all sessions and drown you out making it all out to be our fault.

Read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft. Your man is in those pages.

ithurst, listen to your head, not your heart. Is this the life you want for you and your children. It isn't easy finding the strength, but you owe it to yourself and your kids. Please do something today, go to your gp, or call police. Inform ss as you have kids. Do whatever it takes but don't suffer anymore, please!

You'r far better off alone and safe with your two children than to be stuck with him in your house walking on eggshells i.e living in fear of his next outburst.

Your friends are not true friends if they side with him; they are not worth knowing. Some of them will believe you though.

What are your family like?. Do you honestly think they would side with him as well?.

I leave you for now with this thought - better to be alone than to be badly accompanied.

ithurts

I letf a violent, controlling relationship when my husband threw me down a flight of stairs during pregnancy. Ending up in hospital with a partial placental abruption and very nearly losing my son was the final push I needed to leave him. I spent a year in a refuge, got my own place and promptly entered a relationship with another controlling asshat... hey, but at least he didn't hit me.

Until he did during one of his alcoholic rages. We split up, and I got some serious, in-depth counselling. I got my self-esteem back and learnt appropriate boundaries. When I met (current and lovely) DP we didn't move in together straight away. We dated for over 2 years first, and he was introduced slowly into my children's lives.

I've been with DP for 14 years now. We have 2 children together, and he's a loving and supportive stepfather to my eldset two, both of whom regard him as their dad, and have no contact with their biofather. DP is currently clad in Marigolds and attacking the oven with a brillo pad, which shows the measure of him :)

As for the exes...ExH is on his third divorce (violence & unreasonable behaviour) and is a sad, lonely bitter old man, propping up a bar somewhere. Asshat Mk.2 is living in supported accommodation, with serious drink/drugs issues and has been unable to hold down a job or a relationship since I showed him the door 16 years ago.

ithurts. My friends told me to leave my dh over 20 years ago, he would think nothing of punching walls completely wrecking our furniture and his outbursts were never expected. He never hit me and I never thought he would although his outbursts were a bit scary. I didn't leave him as he needed help, he was the result of domestic abuse in his home when growing up. He got help and is much better now but the emotional scars are terrible for him. He suffers socially, has very little self esteem, finds it difficult to show emotion vocally. Only now does he open up to me and tell me how bad it was, now I need to try to get him to confront his father about the abuse to his mother. Please do something now, don't let the next generation suffer. My thoughts are with you as I'm sure many others are on here. Please stay here as there may be professionals who can advise you.