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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So, he accidently text me from another phone ...

104 replies

OrangeFace · 09/03/2012 07:36

Last night about 11.45pm I receive a text off an unknown number. I read it and it's DP (I know this because the message contained an in-joke that only me and him know. The message was obviously meant for me, and nobody else.
What is concerning me is - what's with the strange number??

He has recently changed his phone but I have both his old number and his new one. This number was totally different. I played dumb and text back saying "who is this??" and he has not replied again.

He does have form for lying, sneaking around, dating sites etc. If he can't explain this one it will be nail in the coffin for us. Am I being harsh?

OP posts:
crestico · 09/03/2012 08:15

why all the drama?
go to a friends, call/text the number from their phone saying something like "hi, you said to text/call?x" and see what happens

mrsflower · 09/03/2012 08:15

Yes, ring him from a different number.

A couple of times when my ex wasn't answering his mobile I rang him from a phonebox literally a couple of minutes later and he answered. He used to mess me about like this a lot. Needless to say, I canned him which was the best thing I did!!!

Happily married to lovely DH now... :}

coffeeinbed · 09/03/2012 08:15

That's true.
Sorry, just trying to find some sort of explanation for you. Grasping at straws sort of thing.

AllShiney · 09/03/2012 08:17

But won't he know it's you from your number? You can't lie to him or he'll be able to question why you're saying stuff to someone you supposedly think is a random stranger.

Best just to ask him outright. You'll never catch him in a lie because he will know its you.

If there is an innocent reason then it's your call to trust him or not. If not, then you need to explain why you don't and decide if it's worth working to get the trust back.

SophieNeveu · 09/03/2012 08:21

He will have got a spare sim with the new phone, hes been careless with the sims he changes to make calls. I wonder also why your with a liar?

Mucha · 09/03/2012 08:25

If he is calling from a new smartphone, he might be using iMessage, which is a free messaging service you can use with the iPhone. When you use it, for some reason it is sent via the original phone number the sim card was listed as, not the number you change it to. My thinking is that the number you saw was the sims original one. Did your DP change his number after he bought the phone?

Original poster
OrangeFace · 09/03/2012 08:27

Update - the mystery number text back saying "I only text people in my phone so I can't have" Hmm so I simply replied "ok"

Then I text "his" number and said "I assume you didn't mean to text me from that other number last night?" and he replied almost instantly (unusual) with "no I don't use that number anymore it was a text I sent ages ago and it just got received" Hmm again - makes no sense as he NEVER has used that number. I've been with him 3 years, he's used 2 numbers in that time. I'm also lazy and never delete old contact numbers so it would have flagged up on my phone if he'd ever used it before.

I just text back saying "you never did use that number". He replied "I'm confused"

Really can't be arsed with this anymore. Feel like a 15 year old chasing her "bad boy" bloke.

OP posts:
Gay40 · 09/03/2012 08:27

So here's the truth of it. He is pissing you about because you let him, and if you are clutching at straws to find an reasonable explanation, that's a big red flag.

Haziedoll · 09/03/2012 08:29

You have to be straight and ask him why he us texting you from a different phone and pretending he doesn't remember. If he denies it, remind him of the in-joke, he can't deny that.

saintlyjimjams · 09/03/2012 08:32

Oh just tell him to sling his hook.

It's making me dizzy reading it. You don't have children or anything with him do you? (Please say no).

SophieNeveu · 09/03/2012 08:32

Does he gaslight you regularly?

QuintessentialyHollow · 09/03/2012 08:33

I bought an I phone in July. I wanted to transfer my old number with a different network to my new phone. I had a temporary number for a few days while making the changeover, and then I got my old number.

However, my dh recently did a software update on the phone and now when I text, for some strange reason texts appear from the temporary number, rather than my own number, and sometimes the texts duplicate so one person might receive one text from my usual number, and then a duplicate from the temporary number.

It sounds strange, I cant explain it but it is nevertheless happening.

But dont dump him on account of texting from different number he could genuinely be unaware that he is doing that. He may have been totally perplexed by your "who are you" and replied back the same upon thinking you were not you and not recognizing his number. Talk to him and find out.

Haziedoll · 09/03/2012 08:33

Just seen your latest post. In that case I would say to him that you believe that he has a secret phone and slipped up and slipped up and accidentally texted you from it. Unless he can provide you with a plausible explanation you consider the relationship terminated.

Original poster
OrangeFace · 09/03/2012 08:38

Quintess, that could make sense if he wasn't currently texting me now from both numbers.

OP posts:
Ahhhtetley · 09/03/2012 08:39

Either just simply talk to him about it, if it was an 'in joke' that only you'd know about then it would be unlikely it was someone else, he might have a normal explination for it.

or, you could leave it for a bit, then ring him from a different number and see if it's him that answers.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 09/03/2012 08:40

Texts only have a certain "life" for them to be received. I get "delivered" messages and if a text hasn't been received within 7 days it is rejected and I get notified.

Snakeonaplane · 09/03/2012 08:41

Can you really live like this tnoughm it all sounds like a lot of hard work?

Snakeonaplane · 09/03/2012 08:42

*though why the he'll does autocorrect work at the wrong times but let's words like this slip through.

winefairy · 09/03/2012 08:52

But if he doesn't use that number anymore and the text was an old one Hmm, why was he replying to the texts you sent to that number?

He's a liar. And he's not even a very good one.

HowardWolowitzsPHD · 09/03/2012 09:00

I agree with winefairy he is a terrible liar.

If someone mentioned they got a text from me last night but I hadn't sent one I would be asking what it said and be a bit confused. I wouldn't immediately reply "Oh that's a text I sent ages ago and it's only just been received" How could he even know that? Confused

Ahhhtetley · 09/03/2012 09:04

This would make my head spin.

My ExH used to do stuff like that, I'm sure he figured if he confused me enough I'd simply let it drop. Either that or he was so shit at lying he'd forget what he told me and then totally confuse us both. Either way it used to drive me nuts and was one of the reasons I left.

Anniegetyourgun · 09/03/2012 09:08

Well, if there is an innocent explanation, his first instinct still seems to be to lie about it, which doesn't sound like the basis for a good relationship to be honest.

Unless both his cock and his wallet are solid gold, it's marching orders time IMO.

PeppermintPasty · 09/03/2012 09:42

To answer your OP, you're not being harsh enough.

He is a liar.

Plus he's trying to mess with your head.

Ditch and run.

swallowedAfly · 09/03/2012 09:48

you never cleared up why in one post you said it was a message clearly meant for you and in another post you said it was clearly meant for someone else.

i'm scratching my head over that one because it doesn't add up.

could you clarify?

BettyPerske · 09/03/2012 10:02

I'm sorry but I think with this level of inefficacy on his part you have grounds to ditch him instantly.

That's what I would do. I'm sorry. He's a fuckwit and he's even managed to confuse himself with his stupid lies.

What a complete dick. He has no respect for you. I'm sorry - just get shot, as soon as possible, and don't look back.