DP Left tonight.

[LonelyNight]

I have name changed because he knows my username.
He said he needed space and wanted to go for a couple of days and I told him if he went that would be it. After all, if I want space I can't just go away for a few days can I?

I feel so sad right now and am currently downing what's left of the booze in the house, DS is at his GM's.

I remember very vividly still to this day OP an ex when I had a baby that acted exactly like yours. You have had enough and rightly so. No more pandering. If "depressed" let him stay with his parents, play his gaming thing and wallow. You stay strong and look after your baby.

HGT Absolutely agree - for what that's worth...

yes, fading, he sounds like a very passive person with issues and would need counselling (I think he has low self esteem and that makes him depressed, which doesn't help either him or OP), unless he can shift into action himself.

It's sheer laziness. Just the same as if he's asked to run an errand I'm met with 'I can't be bothered'.

Now you've kicked him into touch hand him the belt. He won't you know. Yet again it's classic text book wallow. My ex did this, sad music etc. she doesnt love me boo hoo. I cant do just "any" job. It's all about "HIM" We didnt have facebook in those days. another tool of manipulation

OP, but then you need to punish hom by action - he can't be bothered then you can't be bpthred to look after him. Tell him now that he needs to start being bothred or it's over. It could still be depression (as they lose interest in eveything) it's worth checking.

Why is this thread all about "him". It's about the OP surely? She has had enough and rightly so.

it's not about him, it's about what options OP has with him, she did ask. She doesn't seem to want to end it yet (which is still one of the options).

The OP doesn't need to punish him like a naughty boy, He's an adult FFS. She has done the right thing in telling him to bugger off.

It's also not about this huge poor him either. It's about helping OP to realise he's a waste of space.

If the OP doesn't want to end it that's fine. But she surely needs to keep him at bay. Telling her he is very depressed and to hold his hand is absurd.

of course it's more 'poor Op' than him, but without trying to understand where he's coming from, Op can't change anything as she hasn't managed so far. It's an option to get rid of him, but she seems reluctant.

Lonely. You just keep doing what you know is right after two damn years of shite. You came on here for justification and you have it. At the end of the day it's "his" maudling not yours. Stay strong sweetheart and don't let him back for the forseeable future.

whether he's depressed only a doctor could tell (I said that I wouldn't know just going by posts) and that OP must tell him then to get treatment, not just hold his hand. I've said lots of times that tolerating isn't an answer, it reallly depends whether she still wants to try other things. Telling him to start looking after himself is a demand, and needs to be said firmly, but shouting wouldn't help as fading was saying.

OP was not put on this earth to hold his hand through his selfish dilema. Why do women have to "understand" so much? She can't change him. He is what he is. A twonk.

as i say, she only needs this if she WANTS to try new tactics and see if it works (tell him to start being bothered!), but if she's ready to get rid, then it can be an even better option but I don't know if she's ready. Of course she shouldn't take him back UNLESS he starts doing things, he might need spelling out what he needs to do but if that works, why not. If doesn't work, he's not coming back.

I'm becoming concerned about you hisgentletouch, are you in a happy fulfilling relationship? Are you "trying" lots of avenues?

(really Im not being horrid here but just wondering)

and I would never advise this with a mature man, but at 25 there still may be a chance he can kick himself into action once he feels what he's lost. She should only give him a limited time though, if that's the route she goes.

Its just that your responses are very passive?

mojito I repeat again that in my first post I said to Op 'just get rid og him' - it's only when she started saying that she still loves him that it became clear she maybe wants to try some other approach, and it became obvious she as too tolerant of his behaviour (she never mentioned the shoewr thing even!), so hence the advice of doing something else.

my responses are not passive, you are not reading carefully (I said to OP not to tolerate him, many times). along with fading and Monster I suggested constructive ultimatums (hardly passive if she sticks to her demands) - therapy, exercise, showering(!) and so on, or else he's not coming back.

But she did in subsequent posting say that this has been getting progressively worse over a period of time. Are you ok hisgentletouch? I may be well off base here but even your site name is passive. Maybe you need to start a thread to ask for advice?

Must be me then

Still fights OP's corner. Enough is enough ay sweetheart.

Mojit,er, whatever.

You're a real pal - NOT.